My husband ... He said he is depressed.

Is Depression my only concern... or are there other issues that I should worry about?
0
Yes definitely - 0.0%
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Yes, but there are probably other issues he is dealing with - 0.0%
1
No, he is probably just depressed - 100.0%
0
No, but you might want to talk to him even though he never wants to talk - 0.0%
0
He might just be overworked...he does work alot - 0.0%

 
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Rachel Lost
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/11/2009 1:43 AM (GMT -7)   
We just got married a few months ago, and it seemed okay then. Our first year together we had sex about three times a day. Now the only time he touches me is if he wants to have sex, which is VERY rare. He doesn't want to hug me or kiss me or anything.  I heard him talking to his buddy about how a new medication he is taking for depression, Wellburtin, is causing an increase in his sex drive, but he doesn't want to touch me. He won't even give me a kiss goodbye. He use to be so passionate, and now it's all gone.
 
 
 
{I edited out the portion of your message which might be too suggestive for our young readers.  Please keep messages clean.  Thanks,  serafena}
 
 

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 12/11/2009 7:36:42 AM (GMT-7)


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 12/11/2009 5:46 AM (GMT -7)   
you seriously need to sit him down to talk. im sorry ... told his friend what he did it is more than depression.

{I edited out the portion of your post inappropriate for younger readers.  Thanks, serafena}

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 12/11/2009 7:35:53 AM (GMT-7)


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/11/2009 7:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Rachel Lost,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the forum.

You definitely need to increase communication with your husband. It is, frankly, unlikely that his medication is boosting his sex drive. In most cases, anti-depressants cause a significant loss in libido. Depression, and this effect from the medication, can definitely impact a person's desire for intimacy. However, if his online activities bother you, you need to let him know that, and why. Don't consider them a reflection on your desireability. Rather, he is probably shy of intimacy right now. Couples counseling can be really useful, too.

Best of luck,

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40593
   Posted 12/11/2009 8:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Rachel,
 
I would like to welcome you to the forum.  You have come to a good place, all of the members here are so kind and compassionate.
 
I agree with Serafena, keep things honest and open.  Though your husband's sex drive is up (as he says to his friend, though that might not be true, ego thing) maybe he doesn't know how to be intimate with you.  But I would talk to him about it and get down to the facts of how he feels.  And as Serafena said, maybe couples counseling is in order.  I hope that you can work this out. 
 
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing.  I hope that you are feeling well.  Depression is absolutely no fun.  You might want to talk to a counselor too, so that you can express your feelings.
 
Best wishes to you.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18762
   Posted 12/11/2009 10:57 PM (GMT -7)   
the mods make good sense. as a male, and one with a genetic hormonal condition i can say that i have never encountered a anti-depression medication to increase libido. i am no doc though. however there are some excellent herbal alternatives that do increase libido. these are not just anecdotal but are medically proven. however we are all different, thus a chat with his doc would be beneficial i feel. welcome, hoping this helps. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


Rachel Lost
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/12/2009 12:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much for responding. I did talk to him about things yesterday. I told him the only time he wants to even come close to me is if he wants to have sex which is never...so the good thing is.. he gave me a hug and kissed me. But then after that he said.....well I guess that should hold you for a while...so this morning I just felt so fed up with him... because I know I deserve the best. This morning he gave me a hug... but we really haven't talked about anything...he always says he doesn't want to talk about anything. This is coming from a guy that I use to sit with for hours and talk to all night. The thing is....I talked to his mother since she lived with him for 25 years.. and he treats her the same way as far as communication goes. He doesn't like to talk to her... he won't give her a hug, even if he hasn't seen her in months.. It's seems like he spites her for something she did in the past. Her really does hate his mom. When she comes over, he says.. "okay, you can leave now." But it seems like he has the same spite towards me sometimes... maybe it's just all women that he hates.. I don't know. Frankly, I'm just not even happy anymore... and to be honest... I'm just trying to hang in there until the right time comes along. I'm just not use to this.. and it seems like things will not get better. This is not what I signed up for. It really is hard though because I love him so much.

As far as him lying about his sex drive.. I mean he still watches the same **** that he use to when we use to have sex all the time. And **** doesn't matter to me.... but it does matter if my husband would rather to a computer screen than have sex with me. So.. I guess I will talk to him about that..I will keep you guys posted.

Thanks so much!

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/12/2009 7:50:55 AM (GMT-7)


Rachel Lost
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/12/2009 12:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry about the language.. I didn't understand when you said that you edited it out. I will be sure to keep it clean. I actually don't even curse, but I am just so fed up.

Thanks!

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18762
   Posted 12/12/2009 1:01 AM (GMT -7)   
i would be fed up with that also. communication is key. hoping for a positive outcome. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40593
   Posted 12/12/2009 8:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,
 
I just took mr Jack out of the senario.  I think we all know where you are coming from.  lol...  I understand.  This has to be so frustrating to you. 
 
Do you think that he might be having some sexual problems?  That could be a problem that he doesn't want to deal with and maybe it is easier to take it by the hand so to speak.  He probably doesn't want to admit it becasue it would make it real on his part.  Just a thought. 
 
My first husband would do something wierd.  He would watch x rated movies by him self.   If I came into the room, he would shut it off right away.  For a while it made me feel like he was cheating, which he very well could have been.  he was a sneaky guy.  I never did get it.  Kind of naive I guess.  He said that the movies would make him want me more, but I think he would want the young blonde in the movie actually.  lol...
 
I believe that he cheated numerous times, I kept getting stds and infections.  And I was with only him.  But like I say, I was very naive and now I can see it differently.  Not to scare you.  I don't think your husband is doing that to you.  I think there is some underlying problem going on that he doesn't want to face.  How old is he?
 
I hope that you get this figured out.  And I know it is hurting you.  but keep posting here, we will help you through this.  Try to be objective about the whole thing.  Try to look at his side of things, put yourself in his shoes if you can.  That can be hard.  Write things down.  Often that helps you to sort things out. 
 
Whatever you decide, we are behind you.  So know that you have us here to try to help you through this.
 
Take care,
 
Best wishes,
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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