I don't know what's wrong...

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Nevermyself
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/15/2009 3:07 AM (GMT -7)   
I came here to talk to someone, anyone, about how I've been feeling for the past couple of years now. I have known for a while that I am very emotionless, but the more I think about it, the longer I can trace it back, more than 3 years now. I just feel empty inside, and I have no reason to be. I have a good boyfriend, parents that love me, i'm going to a good university and I have many friends but I still feel this way. I can only describe it has not really caring about anything except for the fact that I cannot care. I think I love my boyfriend sometimes, to the best that I can, but I feel like a horrible girlfriend since I can't match his feelings. I recently discovered that I am probably bisexual, which I am completely fine with, but it brings me back to the point that I won;t even be able to feel for anyone anyway. Every moment doesn't seem to really register to me, like something really special will happen or something exiting and it will seem like it happened a year ago when only a minute has passed. I care about school, but again, only to the point that I maintain my grades, not really enjoying any of it. I don't even think I any real emotions at all. I'll feel angry one in a blue moon, but i'll pass like I didn't feel it at all. Same with all my other emotions. I'm just really confused and I don't know what to do about it. My childhood could be to blame, I didn't really have the a good one, but even then, why is it still affecting me even now. Evan as I'm writing this, I'm feeling nothing, just blindly typing out my thoughts while correcting my grammar. I thought to go to a therapist or psychiatrist, but I don't even think I could describe anything to them. I put on a happy face everyday, laugh with my friends when I need to and pretend to care when they have troubles, even when I truly do care but I can't bring myself to really feel that way. I'm just going with the flow in everything I do. I can't even feel depressed properly. I thought initially that's what it was, I was just depressed and counseling and medication would help, but looking at the symptoms, I sleep fine, I rarely have a loss of appetite, and i don't feel bad about myself, just normal low adolescent self-esteem, and this has been going on for years, it's not on and off, nor is it caused by anything specific. I just feel completely empty, all the time.

Sorry for the long post, I just really needed to talk to someone to figure out what is wrong with me.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/15/2009 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Nevermyself,
 
Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum.  I am so glad that you have joined us.  It sounds something like depersonalization.  I would talk to a counselor about this.  As you want to feel things, good and bad. 
 
You seem to be doing a very good job of putting on that happy face, this comes with practice I guess.  After doing it so many times, it becomes easy.  But I know that is not how you want to be.  So talking to a counselor would help you sort your feelings out and really learn how to feel things.  So I hope that you do that.  I can see where you would be concerned at this point.  We all want to feel something. 
 
Please see a counselor.  And please keep posting.  As we are all here to support you.
 
Best wishes for a better day.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


tina8361
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/15/2009 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   

Sounds Like you've spent your life pleasing others,nono and doing what you were told. You even have a boyfriend because you feel thats the right, thing to do. You went off to school because that's  what you were suppose to do. And theirs nothing wrong with the life choices you've made. except you didn't make them with your heart. I believe you are wanting to be with a woman. but its against everything you were taught. SOOOOOOooooo Now your living your life like a robot. Thats not good. Go to a gay bar and see if you feel any difference.Get your feet wet!!shocked If you feel this is where your suppose to be, and comfortable being there, you have your answersmilewinkgrin. If not...psych would be your next venture. maybe there's some sheletons from your past you need to raise up and bury.

Good luck! tina


Nevermyself
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/15/2009 11:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the posts. I will try and take both of your advice and finally do something for myself. Seeing a counselor is probably the next thing I should do to gain back my real emotions. Thank you Moderator.

Tina, you are absolutely right, about everything I've been doing my entire life. I'd like to do what I really want for a change. I think I'll try and get one of my more open minded friends to go with me to a gay bar and see if that helps at all. The weird thing is thought that I grew up in a very open minded family. My mother even promoted gay events and had many gay friends herself, but maybe it was my own mind holding me back from ever doing anything about it. So thank you, you really did help me realize a few more things about myself.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 12/16/2009 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Great,

Now you are learning a few things about yourself, that is cool.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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