Literally have nothing left. Completely drained.

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Taryn50894
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 12/18/2009 11:22 PM (GMT -7)   
OK, so...

Post Edited (Taryn50894) : 1/12/2010 9:51:22 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 12/19/2009 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Taryn,
 
You are not a loser, you do not fail at everything.  You are a good person who cares about others.  That is really important. 
 
I am so sorry about your friend dieing of cancer.  That is way too young, but I do believe in life after death so I also believe that there is a reason for everything.  Often we watch others suffer and learn compassion. 
 
I think that is is time for you to write a list of the positives in your life, it is easy to focus on the negatives, but there are positives we often don't see.  It is so much harder to look at the good things about our selves verses the bad. 
 
Changing schools might be a good thing.  We don't excell at everything, so there are going to be some courses that we aren't as good at.  That is normal, unless you are a brain at everything.  So sweetie, try really hard to focus on good right now.  Easier said than done, I know, but not impossible.
 
We are all socially awkward at times.  Nobody is perfect.  That is a part of life, it takes practice and going with the flow.
 
I am sorry about your boyfriend, but there will be others, I am sure of that.  I know that it hurts, but time heals.  And before you know it, you will meet somebody else, in time.  When it is right.  But I know that you are lonely right now, so maybe it is time to focus on you.  Get stronger, learn to love yourself for who you are.  Another toughy, but it can be done.  Gain confidence, be it though yourself, or counseling.  It does happen.  You are still young, going through a tough stage.  But things do get better.  And the more that you like yourself, the more that others are drawn to you. 
 
So keep posting, we are all here for you.  Build up your self esteem.  Another easier said than done, but also not impossible.  Remember, we care about you.  Try to remember that you are a good person, worthy of love and kindness.  Come to us when you are down.  But start working on yourself.  This can be done.  And we can help you.
 
Best wishes for a better day.  Pamper yourself today if you can.  We all need self nurturing.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2282
   Posted 12/19/2009 10:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Taryn,
I too am very sorry to hear about your friend. It is so sad to lose someone so young.

As for "failing at everything" ... you failed one class. It's not pleasant, but it's not the end of the world. I failed 2 classes in college & still managed to graduate with full university honors. I just know I'm not good at science. It seemed so horrible at the time. I was sure I would never recover from it, but as it turns out, I did. And in my graduate level courses I have earned nothing but A's (of course, they are in linguistics, so I don't have to worry about trying to learn tricky science concepts anymore :).

I think it would help for you to ask around at the university & see if they can help direct you to someone that can help you get your finances under control. I was really struggling with mine recently, but once I got help I started to feel much better about things. I am more careful with my money & am happier for it. Stressing over not having money is much worse than stressing over not being able to do/buy something (even if that "something" is for doctors, counselors, food or medication in my case -- or education, in yours). I know your grades aren't great, but there are all sorts of different options for financial assistance out there -- based on cultural heritage, left-handedness, disabilities including mental illnesses, how much you volunteer, etc. I work for a foundation that provides scholarships so I do understand that it is a LOT of work to apply for them, but they are out there & getting a scholarship could take some of the financial pressure off of you.

I'm not sure what to say about making friends, but maybe you could talk to your counselor about that.

As for "deserving" what you've been given -- nobody deserves what they've been given. They are gifts & the only thing we ought to do is be thankful. Perhaps there are some ways you can better use your gifts to help others right now. Truly, I would encourage you to try to find at least one way to help others -- whether it is something formal like volunteering at a soup kitchen, or something informal like baking a special treat for a neighbor who's feeling down (perhaps you could do something nice for your friend's family in her honor. a lot of times grieving families struggle with housework, meals, grocery shopping, etc. & volunteering to help with one of those things can make a world of difference. when a friend (albeit not a close one) drown in Lake Michigan at the age of 21, I went over & helped his mom do dishes. they had piled up to the point she had fruit flies & she said it was the nicest thing to have some help trying to put her home back in order a bit.).

But I would also say that while you should try to find little ways to make a difference now (plus helping others usually makes us feel better), perhaps the really important ways you will impact the world will not come for 10 or 20 more years. So put it out of your mind that you don't deserve to be here. You have no way of knowing how many lives you will ultimately touch. You are young & have many years ahead of you. It just would not be right to steal all that possibility away from the world.

Like Karen, I am wishing you a better day.

peace,
frances

Taryn50894
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 12/20/2009 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks guys.

I'm really missnig my boyfriend. I keep thinking about him these past few days, and it's drving me crazy that he won't talk to me. I just deleted him from my friends on Facebook because I found myself too distracted with it. Now I kinda regret it.

This is really hard to get over. On top of everything else, I'm just not in the holiday spirit this year. I don't know how to get him to sit and tlak with me. I feel like I deserve some answers about our break-up, but it's not my choice because the ball is in his court. I'm really hoping that he'll come forward and talk.

Also, I have to see him at work tomorrow. Going to be reallly awkward. Not sure how I shouuld handle it?

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2282
   Posted 12/20/2009 9:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Taryn,
I am so sorry about your ex. Break-ups can be so hard. I have been on both sides of it -- thinking that it would be good if he could have given me a reason & then seeing it from the other side & feeling like I just couldn't think of anything to say... just that things weren't what I thought they were. I had changed & wasn't happy being with him any more; at the time, though, I really couldn't articulate that.

I hope for your sake your ex is more aware of himself & his feelings than I was, but know that even if that isn't the case it doesn't mean you can't heal & move forward. You are a wonderful person & the fact that your relationship lasted as long as it did is a testament to that. Try to remember the good parts -- the things you learned about yourself & the ways you grew. And try to keep a balanced view of your ex -- he is neither all horrible or all good. Like everyone else in this world, he has his strengths & weaknesses.

For now, though, it is a loss. And it's okay to feel really sad about losing that relationship. As for work, I would say that for the first few days at least to try to avoid any unnecessary conversation with him. Be polite to him if you need to interact, but keep it brief. I promise it does get easier with time. At some point you may be able to talk more in depth, but for now try to give yourself a chance to heal. It is reasonable to expect that he too will be polite and professional during any unavoidable interactions with you at work, so I wouldn't stress about that. But yes, the first time you have to ask him anything will probably be awkward -- so just be mentally prepared for that. Be quick, get it over with & then each time after that will get easier.

wishing you well,
frances

Taryn50894
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 12/20/2009 9:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I can't. I can't deal with this. I am so stressed out-I keep eating and thinking about him.
I'm sorry I keep basically posting the same thing but I have no one to talk to, & I don't know what else to do. I can't understand how someone can be so mean to me.
How I am going to stop thinking about him? It's gotten so bad this last week it's all I think about and it's driving me out of my mind

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 12/20/2009 9:42 PM (GMT -7)   
This will get easier for you.  Time does heal.  I know how you feel.  People say things in the heat of a moment.  And you keep hearing that over and over in your head.  But it will go away and things will get easier.  And don't worry about talking about it here, that is what this board is for.
 
I hope that you feel better soon.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2282
   Posted 12/21/2009 7:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Is there anything you can do to get your mind on something else for even a short while? I was feeling really down this past weekend & went to see Avatar. It was 3 hours of thinking about nothing but the movie & the rest of the night I was happy thinking about what a great film it was.

Not saying you should do exactly the same thing, but there must be something that you used to enjoy before him. It's better if you can be out around other people, even if you aren't actually with them. If possible, maybe you can look into volunteering somewhere. Focusing on others' problems is the surest way to forget about our own for a little while. There are so many people desperately in need this year & lots of places need volunteers -- food pantries, soup kitchens, homeless shelters, animal shelters, the library, the zoo, religious organizations, nursing homes, hospitals, etc., etc., etc. If you don't like one particular thing over another, then just pick one & give them a call to offer to volunteer. It is nice to help others. It makes us feel better about ourselves & our own lives. And it looks good on a college application or a resume.

I'm not saying anything will be the cure-all. Break-ups are hard & you are perfectly normal to feel very sad. But you do need to be proactive before this destroys you. You will recover one way or the other. Time does heal, but we can help the healing process move faster. Take care of yourself & know you are always welcome to keep posting.

hugs,
frances

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18757
   Posted 12/24/2009 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   
taryn, sending you my compassionate thoughts and healings. time does heal, and i have done some serious healing myself in this dept. we care, keep strong my friend. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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