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Angemoo
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/30/2009 5:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I am brand new to this forum. I have just recently reached a point where I needed to do something.

For the past 6 years or so, I have battled depression off and on. As far as most of you know, it is a daily battle. Recently, I have not been able to get out of it. I do not have insurance, because I dont have a job (which is a big part of my problem), but because of the lack of job, I cannot afford couseling or medication.

I know that my problem stems from not feeling good enough and not feeling like i deserve to have certain things. Everything that I do always seems to fall short of what someone else wants from me, or expects of me. I always seem to feel like the butt of the joke and everyones easy target. So, when someone mocks me or makes fun I just take it. I actually just had a break down a couple of nights ago about this and attempted to explain it to my parents. In my family I was always seen as the "popular one" the "girly girl" and had this stereotype... Always felt I had to compare and be great. Well, I have completely fallen short.

I graduated from college over a year ago... After graduation i got engaged and when that ended, i moved home... only to move back to the college town a few months later to bartend... and now im back at home and jobless because I just dont have the drive... The few jobs I have applied for dont contact me... and I just dont wanna do anything... I want to lay in my bed all day.. Im trying to get up but its so hard just to get out of bed...

I know I need help... Im so sick of bottling this feelings up only to have to rush out like a dam breaking... Maybe i just need someone to talk to that actually understands me and that I know is not judging me... I have literally pushed away my friends because i dont want others to have to deal with me like this and I am so sick and tired of being alone... any help will be appreciated... and im sorry if it sounds like i am just rambling here and if things dont make sense...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 12/30/2009 8:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Angemoo,

I tried to post to you already once, but there was some kind of technical difficulty when I tried to submit the post. I am going to say that I would like to welcome you to the forum. I want to write more, but not feeling up to it, I am sure that you can understand.

But check with human resources near you and see if they can help you get into counseling or to a doctor. I will write more later when feeling up to it.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18743
   Posted 12/31/2009 2:22 AM (GMT -7)   
hi i am jamie, male, 37 and an aussie. i here you girl, at this point you are internalising, both external and internal implosions are not fruitful, but here you have put some of it out there, so well done for that. bottling it up is dangerous, implosions are not good. venting is. depression is an insidious beast, it does not discriminate. because of your insurance situation i would recommend calling a help-line in your area, moreover you may well be refered to a counsellor who will see you on a sliding fee scale. i would talk with your doc about any options for treatment-and or referal. i am glad that you were brave enough to post, keep being brave and remember that you are battling a medical condition, furthermore you are a human being and deserve empathy and compassion. my compassionate thoughts are with you. jamie.
 
ps other members in your zone will post with ideas. hold on. we care about you. if you feel like posting we will help you to help you. with kindness and compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40568
   Posted 12/31/2009 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Try not to worry about other's expectations of you. Be your own judge. You know that you are a good person and that is what matters.

There are resources for people not working, being it human resources or social services. There are mental health programs that can help. And medication manufacturers often give free medication for people with no insurance. So try to find some help in the mental health category.

You could also get food stamps and possibley money from human resources and social services. It is a pain to fill out the forms, but worth it. So check that out too.

I hope that things work out for you and that you can get some help. It sounds like you are trying really hard especially in school. Keep trying, something will get better for you.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Angemoo
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/31/2009 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Jamie and Karen,

thank you so much for replying to me... it means a lot to have people that can relate to what im going through... and people that are willing to help... just having put it in words and getting it out of my head has helped a little bit.. i am trying to be very optimistic about this new year and hopefully the struggle for all of us to feel "normal" or "sane" (whatever that is) will occur in this new year...

Tonight i am planning on going to bed early and snuggling up with my kitties ( i have two-- i boy and a girl) I hope everyone is safe and that this new year brings everything we are all hoping for...

thanks again for the advice and concerns.. it means more than you know.. :)

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18743
   Posted 12/31/2009 9:55 PM (GMT -7)   
good to hear. and you are very welcome. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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