is it hard for you to be gay and no one to tell
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yes - 100.0%
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no - 0.0%
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maybe - 0.0%

 
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kadeem
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/2/2010 12:07 AM (GMT -7)   
im gay i just turned 16 and im stressed beyond belief. i am a young black man and im in love with a self acclaimed redneck. i do not know what to do. every now and then i see him look at me, and when we talk its  just awkward because there is so much silence. i know that im gay but i do not know if he is and i just do not know how to deal with it. this is'nt a crush, or hormones, it is full blown love for him even though he does'nt return the affections. every time i see him i smile, when he is'nt in school i get sad, when i see him laugh i just glow, i love his personality, and his imperfections and i just wish that he could see me in that same light. i dream about him almost every night, and day, he is on my mind so much i just feel like im going to explode. please can anyone give any advice to help me, i am so confused about this situation. thankyou for reading my struggle.

arneeb
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 2350
   Posted 1/2/2010 2:45 AM (GMT -7)   
careful kadeem with a redneck... protect yourself and your heart... but u need to go to forums for people with your issues so they can help you.. and I know there is good support out there in your community... good luck... and my advice... from my own experience ... emotionally unavailable people tend to remain that way... good luck.. to you

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 1/2/2010 9:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kadeem,
 
Welcome to the forum.  I think Arneeb is right, you need to find a forum that suits your needs, though I am sure you are depressed with this situation.   There are other gay members on here, hopefullyn they will reply.   But look for  a forum that is more suited for you.
 
Either way you are welcome here.  I hope that your situation turns around.  Just don't get your hopes up with this guy.  If he isn't gay, it could become quite awkward.
 
Best wishes to you.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2280
   Posted 1/2/2010 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm a bit troubled by the use of a racial slur on this post.

But, setting that aside...

I'm not so sure this is an issue of being gay so much as an issue of loving someone who doesn't love you back. I think most of the members have been in that position at one time or another, regardless of their sexual preference. Telling someone you love them when you know they don't love you back hurts. Sometimes the person is gentle with their rejection & says they appreciate the compliment, but don't feel the same. Other times the person is more brusque & laughs at you, tells the whole school what you said, starts spreading false rumors, etc.

I know when I was in that position one time in particular, it was with a guy I was close friends with. I started thinking about all the possibilities & how great we would be together. When I finally got up enough courage to hint at him that I liked him as a lot more than a friend, he was gracious & let me know that he wasn't interested in dating anyone we knew. Our friendship continued, but it was never the same after that. I realized that I wasn't so much in love with the real him, as in love with the person I had created in my head based off of him. Yes, it included his assets & flaws, but it still wasn't him. And I later realized that what I was sure was love wasn't really close to it at all. After I gave up on the guy in my head, I met a great guy & we dated for a long time & I realized what it really was to grow closer to someone, to learn about them, to enjoy being with them -- not just near them but, to navigate all the really difficult aspects of having a relationship. It was in taking a serious look at all the things I thought I cared about & deciding which of those things were worth setting aside for the relationship & which of those things were an essential part of who I am, that I realized what true love & commitment are.

You have a bright future ahead of you. I would encourage you to try to -- in your mind at least -- say good-bye to this guy who won't give you the time of day & set your heart free to be able to find someone who truly wants to be with you. That is true love & you deserve that.

blessings,
frances

kadeem
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/2/2010 3:59 PM (GMT -7)   
sorry for using the term(redneck) but i did'nt know how else to say it, but, i want to thank you for your advice and help in my situation:)

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18751
   Posted 1/3/2010 7:17 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks for sharing your experiences frances. the wisdoms you speak of are very true, yesterday, today and tomorrow. extremely true as well. cheers, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 1/3/2010 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey,

I thought I should reply because I am one of the gay members on here. Although you are a male, I still understand what you are going through. And honestly, the beginning of my battle with depression began with months of not accepting myself. So, I know what this can do to you when you have become comfortable with yourself and then you find someone you really like! I had that problem once. I think most people have.

I cant tell you exactly what to do.. but does he know you are gay? He may feel uncomfortable talking to you if he knows you are. OR, he may be afraid to tell you how he feels. These situations are really hard because you either take what you can get(friendship, hanging out, etc)... or you ask the person. Some people dont mind being asked...and others get upset so it could go either way. You just have to figure out what is best for you.

I want to give you some resources more related to forums for GLBT people. However, if you are struggling with depression, you are welcome here. Just in case you would like a more specific site then I have a few I would recommend.

www.youthnoise.com -go to the tolerance channel.. I am personally the blogger in charge of the channel. There are many things regarding being gay, depression, relationships, etc

www.soulforce.com -I think its .com but Im not 100% sure. There are really good forums on there also!

www.trevorspace.com -This is like a myspace for GLBT people. only better. there are forums and you can ask questions and get feedback etc.

If you want to talk to someone about it you can call 1-866-488-7386 this will connect you with someone from the Trevor Project. It is a crisis line, however, you can call it if you need to talk about something. They are very good about helping out in different situations!

If you need any other help, just click on my screen name and it will take you to my profile which has my email and AIM and such. You can contact me whenever if you need anything, to talk, or ask questions...just drop me a line, I dont mind at all. Im the VP of my college gay straight alliance chapter also, so that helps a lot! I dont mind listening or talking or whatever...

Take Care and let me know how you are!
Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Cymbalta 6-6-09(horrible effects), Rozerem, Melatonin, Currently taking: Prozac 40mg (July 09), Trazadone 100mg (Sept 09), Focalin XR 5mg, Clonazepam 1mg, Wellburtin XL 150mg-Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Eating Disorder, ADHD, Dysthymic Disorder, OCD
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
   


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/3/2010 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Awesome post, Christy!
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 1/4/2010 9:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree, Christi,

Awesome post, thank you. I was hoping that you would read and post.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


kadeem
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/5/2010 2:44 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you all for the help and support i really appreciate this :)

#1BFMV FAN!
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/7/2010 9:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Kadeem, I am also in the same position right now. I am a 14 year old female who loves a 15 year old female. When I first fell in love with this woman, I automatically told her my feelings/ affections towards her. I tried hanging out with her as much as possible. It may seem awkward to you, but you just have to step up and tell him how you really feel. What's the worst that could happen. Everyone has this one life and they should be able to live it as they please. Hope this helped :)
-Jesse

kadeem
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/7/2010 8:33 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks jesse i'll try to :)
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