I'm so very very tired. I feel like I'm going to collapse!

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CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 1/7/2010 10:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Between the major depression and the non-stop anxiety and panic attacks from all the stress that I have continuously been under for the past nine months, I'm ready to just collapse.  Between dealing with 3 lawyers for 2 different suits, extreme anger at ex-husband for kicking me around legally while I am down, trying to sell my house in foreclosure, dealing with older daughters IEP and PPT issues at school that have now led to behavioral and emotional issues- I am so tired and drained.  I feel like I have absolutely nothing left to give!
 
Tomorrow (or actually Today) in about 9 1/2 hours a real estate agent is bringing potential buyers through my house for a second showing.  They first came around Thanksgiving time.  I am staying up all night to thoroughly clean my house.  My children and my dog are in bed sleeping.  I tried cleaning earlier but I had to help my younger daughter with her homework and then had a repair man in the house to fix my basement door that wasn't opening.  Also, I have a 600+ foot driveway which is on a hill with a curvy incline -- so I had the plow man here around 8:00 pm to clean up my driveway and drop lots of sand and salt.  I don't want to scare the potential buyers away.
 
Okay..here is where you should take out your violins:  my back is aching, my Gerd is killing me and I have a headache.  This is besides the ten ton bricks that I feel like i have in my stomach from nerves. (and yes I am on meds and at high doses too) Besides that I want to curl up and just cry right now.  I feel so alone and I am tired of having to handle all these things on my own.
 
Last, I just read that we are supposed to have a snow storm/rain in the next few hours.  So much for the $40.00 I just spent on having my driveway cleaned up.  And now I am going to have to shovel my walkway and driveway in the morning if we do have anything that accumulates - Before I go to work for my temp job.
 
Okay.  Maybe I'll let myself rest on my bed for 1/2 hour.  But that'll be about it.  Thanks for listening to me whine.  I've really been holding it all in for a very long time now.  (Let's hope nobody is around me when I have the real meltdown!)
 
Cass
 

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18773
   Posted 1/8/2010 1:15 AM (GMT -7)   
cass you are under a lot of pressure. things will get better. you are going through some intense stuff. try when avail to take stock of you and breath. we are here for you, your body is reacting to your stressors, thus when you can try to de-stress a bit. i do not want you melting down. with compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 1/8/2010 3:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Jamiee.  I still really want to cry.  I have 3 rooms left and its 5:42 am.  My younger daughter is getting up in 1/2 hour and then she will stick to me like velcro.  I've got to get this all done and to work on time!!!  cry

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40599
   Posted 1/8/2010 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Slow but sure,
 
You are a mother trying to get all this stuff done.  You live in your house and people should understand that.  So if it isn't perfect, oh well.  Try not to let this get to you.  You are doing the best you can, and that is what matters. 
 
It always seems like when we are on a time limit and trying so hard, that things seem to go against us, albiet the weather and stuff.  But you will make it through.  You are a lot stronger than you think you are.  You are just only one person and can't be everywhere at once. 
 
Remember that we are here in your corner.  Cheering you on.  Let us know how everything goes.  Give it your best shot and then let things just happen.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/8/2010 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Cassandra,

I'm so sorry to hear about all the stress you're under right now. I hope you can get some help: tutors for your kids, hire someone to clean your house. I know these things cost money, but what they make up for in stress can be really worth it. Take care of yourself a little. You deserve it.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 1/9/2010 11:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Serefena:  I truly appreciate your thoughts and comments.  However, money is an extremely huge issue and source of stress.  First, my house is in foreclosure.  Second, I am a single mom and I have been looking for a job for a year now.  Third, my ex-husband who makes over $130,000 a year just convinced a mediator that he is too poor to continue paying the amount he is paying in child-support.  Starting in 2 weeks I will be getting $500.00 less from him each month.  I can barely pay my own doctors bills right now as I have no health insurance and now I have to find funds to pay for my share of my daughters medical bills.  Unfortunately, paying to have extra help for tutors or housework is not an option right now.  It's often a struggle just to keep up with food bills.
 
Again, thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. 
 
Cass

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 1/10/2010 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Serefena:  I should not have written the post above.  I came back this morning to delete it but unfortunately that is no longer an option.  I was extremely anxious and moody yesterday but that still is not an excuse.  Please accept my sincerest apology.  ..Again, I appreciate that you took the time and thought to read and respond to my post.
 
Cass

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18773
   Posted 1/13/2010 12:29 AM (GMT -7)   
cass, you have a lot going on, i am somewhat strapped myself, behind in just about everything as well. you were just honestly venting. it is getting harder and harder nowadays, with how the economies of the world are going. i am sure that serafena understands. i appreciate your frank honesty my friend. jamie.
 
ps. keep well, and know that we care. jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 1/13/2010 8:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jamiee.  Thanks for reading my last few entries under this post.  Yes, you are right.  I am truly venting right now.  Sad thing is I am holding so much more back inside.  I have always been like this.  Guess thats why I have major depression and anxiety.
 
I know you are going through a real tough time yourself as well.  But somehow I see that you are always able to pick yourself up and keep on going.  I guess I have been doing this as well.  But its just so much harder lately.  I just cry quickly and over everything now.  It is so hard when you do not see an end in sight.
 
Thanks again.
Cass

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18773
   Posted 1/13/2010 11:43 PM (GMT -7)   
CASS, YOU WILL. SOME THINGS TAKE A LOT OF TIME, IN THE PAST TIME WAS MY ENEMY, NOW I GET THINGS DONE IN IT'S OWN TIME, FOR TIME IS NOW MY FRIEND. YEAH I KEEP PULLING MYSELF UP, THIS IS BECAUSE THE MAJORITY OF MY LIFE HAS BEEN REALLY-MASSIVELY, CHRONICALLY, DEPRESSIVELY DOWN!! AND I WILL NOT GO THERE AGAIN, IF POSSIBLE. KEEP WELL AND FOCUSED, REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NO. 1!! WITH LOVING COMPASSION, JAMIE
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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