reality hit home??

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havta_b_luvd
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 11/21/2004 3:52 AM (GMT -7)   
For several years now I've accepted the dx of "bipolar on the low side" and gone about my normal business. Not really knowing what that term meant. And to be quite frank, not really caring. It was just a label that was put on me by someone "practicing" medicine.

"Bipolar on the low side" and/or depression were just an annoying complication that I'd experience and when it got too bad I'd run to the doctor and beg for meds, but by this time my life would have pretty much spiraled out of control. And I would expect instant gratification. I've always called this my "me factor" The doctors were suppose to fix me after I let me and my life get in really bad shape.

As for depression, everyone is depressed. In my mind, it just all depended on the degree and I'd never had a "degree" labeling any of my illinesses, until Friday. And for whatever reason, it hit hard. They tell me I'm moderately to severely depressed. Duhhhh. Why this hit like a lead balloon I have no idea, after all I've been the one dealing with all the sympotoms of depression. And I knew it wasn't good, otherwise I would never have gone to the doc. So why did the reality of it all hit so hard? Luckily, I go Monday for med evaluation so hopefully the "me factor" will once again be fixed if only temporarily.

Hopefully, with this forum, I'll be able to look back at some of my posts when I decide it's time to go off of my meds (Cuz I always do.) and realize it's time for the "me factor" to come to an end and try really hard to trust in these people "practicing" medicine. And to believe that maybe, just maybe they know a little bit more than me. I dunno.
~T~

Oh and I've got a question that may sound totally niave or may be alittle insulting but I'm quite sincere about the question....I was asked Friday if I had hallucinations....well as far as I know I don't. But my question is, if I did have them would I realize that I was having them? I've always been under the belief that if I/you hallucinate (except with certain drugs) you really didn't percieve it as not real, that it was in fact my/your reality. Am I wrong about this???


snohare
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 2088
   Posted 11/21/2004 12:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hallucinations are something which you might not recognise at the time, but from everything I've heard - and I've got interesting friends !! yeah - you certainly know in retrospect. They tend not to make sense, so there's a severe "What the .... was that !" feeling. in fact, given the associated altered thinking patterns and colour perception etc, you could think of them as waking dreams.
But that's visual hallucinations, and it might well vary from person to person, and according to illness. I don't know. I know that auditory hallucinations - hearing voices is the classic - are often incorporated into schizophrenic thinking, but that's a disorder where there is often an element of impaired cognition. If you think "they" are out to get you, maybe it makes just as much sense to "hear" God telling you how to defend yourself...? confused
 
Concerning the rest...well Havta_b, maybe what it boils down to is that your attitude has changed because you now perceive a different reality. You are taking your illness more seriously. Where before you ignored things, now you are being more pro-active, which implies feeling responsible....and if you've been spending time looking back at past events, traumas, etc, well who wouldn't be disheartened ? I know I had a very hard time with coming to terms with having a chronic illness - I felt like I was a broken-legged runner in the human race. 
As for the doctors, I judge the tree by its fruit. They don't talk about "practising" medicine for nothing...the option of a second opinion is always worth thinking about, until you find one you feel secure with.
  nono Of course, this is free medical advice coming from someone with no tertiary level education, never mind a medical degree... tongue ....but I hope it helps.

havta_b_luvd
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 11/22/2004 4:01 PM (GMT -7)   
tongue Sno, dunno what it is but you always make me smile with your abundance of knowledge. All your posts seem to be so well thought out. When I answer anything it's almost like a rambling on and on. Thanx for the info it's much appreciated. I just couldn't figure out how if the hallucinations were my realkity how then would I know that they were hallucinations. Had my brain boggled and it's boggled enough without adding more to it yeah

But here's an update: dx bipolar II and staying on my prozac, added trileptal 150mg x 2 and trazodone 50 mg 1-2. So hopefully I'll get back to some sort of normal....my normal is good at least at that point I do kinda like me tongue

~T~

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