Relationship in Crisis

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/15/2010 1:09 PM (GMT -6)   
 feel like my relationship is ending and there is nothing i can do about it. we've been together over 3 years (and we've been engaged since april of last year) and he refuses to talk to me. i am willing to do anything to make this relationship work. i am deeply in love with him and cannot imagine my life without him. i really want us to see a relationship counselor but he is completely against the idea. i feel like he is completely in control of what is going to happen and i am left in the dark. the stress has been getting to be so much that i passed out this morning after showering. we both have major stressors in our lives and we are both guilty of taking it out on each other. he obviously wants to talk to someone about this (he went to a friend's last night to talk) but, like i said, he flat out refuses to tell me anything. his answer to everything i ask him is "i dont know." the questions i'm asking him include, "are you still in love with me? do you want to make this work? do you think this will just blow over and we'll be okay?" he told me he just wants to be alone for a while and for me to stop bothering him about it. it's kind of hard to do since i'm being tortured by the fact that i have no idea what is going to happen. i love him so much and i've been crying almost nonstop for the last 3 days. please help.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40403
   Posted 1/15/2010 2:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Inflatable,
First of all, welcome to the forum.  This is a support group for people with depression.  It sounds to me like what you have is situational. 
It sounds like he has maybe changed or is questioning the relationship.  If I were you, I would take this one day at a time and give him the space that he requests.  Find some interests.  Do something instead of wondering what is going on between you.  Keep living.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/19/2010 9:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, my relationship with my partner is similar. when things go wrong when we argue or there is a major crisis he wants alone time. i on the other hand just want to sort it out and dont want to stop until we reach a solution. i have had to learn to be accepting that we deal with things in differnt ways. we are not too good about talking about the big issues but these only come up once every now and then we are great at working out the day to day stuff and generally things are good. try not to be to clingy give him some space when he needs it. i know its hard because we all think differently.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 1176
   Posted 1/19/2010 10:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Inflatable, I'm so so sorry you're going through this. This may not be exactly what this forum is for, but I'd like to give you a little advice from my own experience. I was once in such a relationship myself, so I know exactly how you feel, and how hard you've been crying. OK?

I have to tell you this because you're not going to like my advice....I'm taking the previous poster's advice a bit further.

This will be very hard for you to do, but you said you were willing to do ANYTHING to make the relationship work. OK, you must stop questioning him and leave him alone. The more you cry and ask him if he still loves you, the farther away you push him. If you really love this man and want this relationship to even have the smallest chance of working out, you must let go NOW.

And for your own sake, you have to be able to imagine a life without him! Nothing in this life is for certain...every day is a gift! We do tend to take things for granted and assume that we will live happily ever after, but it doesn't always happen that way!

You do have a life separate from him, don't you? A job, or school, hopefully something you really love....something that you can focus on right now to take your mind off what's happening. I know you think this is impossible, but you have to try to pull yourself out of the dumps, and act like you are NOT broken-hearted. Telling him that "you can't live without him" is a real relationship-killer for some guys....I don't know why but it's true! Of course you should tell him that you love him, but without tears and without desperation.

I truly hope that it all works out for the best for both of you.

Take care,
Lyme Disease, autoimmune hepatitis, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, lupus, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, celiac disease, asthma, psoriasis, Raynaud's syndrome, hypertension, osteopenia, sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, GERD, degenerative disc disease, cubital tunnel, tarsal tunnel

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