Thought we were on the road....Sigh

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JD68
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Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/18/2010 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey All-
 
Hubby has been on cymbalta amongst many other things (you view my previous posts without boring you all again)wink .....he told me not even two weeks ago when he saw his MD today that he was going to give it one more month as he thought it may be working.  Well I did not attend todays session and he came home to tell me he is discontiueing by weaning off this week and then will be off all meds for three weeks.......then they are considering an MAOI.  Now these have been brought up before and DH eats all the wrong foods for this type of med and enjoys a beer every now and again...TAP beer.  Not to mention a red wine with an italian meal.
 
So not only has he been lyingnono yes I know harsh but how else am I supposed to take it.....after all I have been through this past year he lied to me.  So I think he is doing one thing and he does entirely the opposite.  But this is a major lifestyle change for him....MAJOR!!  He won't be able to comply with the restrictions guaranteed and once again I will be the one to suffer the full blow of his rage, anger, moods...etc.  Not to mention to be off of them for the next 3 weeks........can I run away now?
 
I am at my wits end and very hurt by this turn of events......I have stood by as some of you know through hell this past year in hopes that the light would be visible at the end of the tunnel.....only to have the dim dim light snuffed out when I get hopeful.
 
I remained leary these past few weeks and I guess am not suprised by these turn of events....but hurt that he goes about his life as if his actions effect no one else and all he needs to think about is himself.
 
What about my life??  This is my future...immediate and future..........Thanks for listening......chamomile tea and my dogs await.  Heres to maybe a few winks of sleep tonight.
 
Hugs to all.....Jennscool

getting by
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   Posted 1/18/2010 8:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jenn,
 
What are the chances that the doctor brought up the med changes and not your husband.  Maybe the doctor thought that it needed a try.  Try to be optimistic about this and not look for the worst.  Maybe the cymbalta isn't working for him so the doctor thinks that this would be a better route.  If he chooses to go that way.  Do you think once he gets off of the meds he is on that he isn't going to try the maoi?  Like I say, don't expect the worst to happen.  It might work out for the best.  Let's hope that it does. 
 
Your chamomile tea and the dogs sounds like a winner right now.  I am kicked back watching tv and sitting with my dog too.  I hope that you are relaxing and taking care of you.  Do you think that it would have been any different if you would have gone to his appointment with him?  Maybe you will need to trust that he doesn't drink while on that type of medication.  I have never taken them so I don't know how it is mixed with alcohol.  I know that on my meds, I do have an occasional beer or a glass of wine and it doesn't really do anything.  I never get a buzz even.  So hopefully he wont drink much and you wont be worried about that. 
 
I know that this is hard for you.  Sudden changes, but maybe he has felt bad and just doesn't talk about it and feels that there needs to be a change.  I think he would have stayed on the other medication if he had felt well.  So hopefully he is trying to do this for the better of everything.  I am hoping. 
 
Take care, thanks for updating us on your situation.  Know that we are here to support you, no matter what.  We are your friends. 
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
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Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 1/18/2010 8:49 PM (GMT -7)   
geez jenn, i too hope the maoi works. you have been through the ringer!! he will have to eat the right stuff and not the stuff that will make him real sick. i have been on a maoi, lucky for me i was in hospital, thus all my food was regulated. hey, look after you, a lot has been on your plate-i don't want you getting unwell, okay!! here for you. keep trusting your instincts. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/19/2010 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you both so much!  This is difficult for me.  I just don't know what to do anymore......I feel like I am left in the dark and he makes all his decisions on his own without even talking to me.

I don't think these meds are a good choice just because I know him to well.  He will not be able to follow the diet.  He enjoys brats and sauerkraut, pepperoni, and a laundry list of other foods on the do not eat list.  He already is bordeline hypertensive so to add a med that may throw him into that is frightening.  I have decided to step back and let him start taking care of things.....seeing as he is making decisions that affect everyone solo then he can start dealing with all of his stuff solo......as more bills roll in from this past year he can call the insurance company and deal with the mistakes........I am tired.

Time for me to start steping away and begin building my life again.  Right now it is very difficult to envision a future that includes DH.

Thank you both for your thoughts......Hugs....Jennscool


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 1/19/2010 7:55 AM (GMT -7)   
sadly jenn i feel you are doing the right thing. time for you is paraount. dh........i just do not know. i am feelin' for ya sweetie. you have my e-mail, here for you. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/19/2010 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you Jamie!  You will likely be hearing from me as things progress here.  Dh takes his last cymbalta on thursday and then he is off meds fro 2 1/2 weeks......Won't take long before things to bottomw out I am sure.

Sigh......Having a why me moment.shakehead


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 1/19/2010 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Jenn,
 
You are entitled to a "why me" moment, just don't stay there too long, okay?  You have been through a lot.  But I think it is time to have faith in things, and in your husband that he is doing what is right for him.  If he doesn't follow the diet, then he will suffer.  I know it is hard to watch, but it is time to think of you.  And try not to anticipate the worst, but be prepared for it.  If that makes any sense. 
 
You are a fabulous person, you have been strong for a long time, keep up the strenght, but realize if you can't, that is normal.  You have been through the ringer with this man.  And your life goes on.  You have done the best that you can.
 
Know that we are always here for you.  Post when you can and we will respond.  We think the world of you.  You are a good person, but take care of you.  You are most important.
 
Know that I am praying for you and your husband.  I hope that this works out for him.  But don't leave yourself by the wayside.  I can't stress that enough.
 
Take care my friend.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/19/2010 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you Karen!

You guys are so wonderful!!  I don't plan on having my pity party too long......I never do.  I am trying to hope that he is making the right decisions for himself, however I have alwyas been the one that then takes the brunt of his moodiness when it fails.  Now especially with him having to be off his meds for two and half weeks.......just switching meds has always been awful this I do have to prepare for and prepare for a terrible storm.

Time will tell how I handle this one.....eventually I know there will be a point when I can handle no more as it will be affecting my own life/health to much to maintain.

Thanks for the prayers.......I do hope your thinking is the road this takes.  If not I am preparing.

Hugs.....and many thanks!!  Jennscool


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 1/19/2010 10:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jenn,
 
You are a survivor, I can tell.  You will get through this, no matter what route that you have to take.  You will know when it is time to start taking care of yourself.  When being there for him no matter helps.  Though I hope that it doesn't get to that point.  You have a good head on your shoulders and I think you will do all the right things for him and you both.  I am sorry that you always have to take the brunt of his illness.  But remember we do tend to hurt the ones that we love, well some of us do.  He takes it out on you because he is comfortable with that.  I am sure that he really doesn't mean to.  It just happens. 
 
Keep up the faith.  Keep posting.  We are truly here for you.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/19/2010 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   

You are correct Karen I am a survivor.  AS much as I hope that everything works out I do have to start looking out for me......no one else will that's for sure.

I have done lots of research today and I really feel that this drug class is not the best choice.  However I will keep my mouth closed and let him decided what is best for him.  Time for him to start taking care of himself.

We'll see what the evening holds.......Plan on making bacon/cheesburger sliders for the boys and I  yumm.....greasey junk foodtongue   I am sure they will request waffle fries as well.  Gotta love teenagerssmilewinkgrin

Hope your day has gone well....Love the sunshine!!

Hugs.....Jennscool


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 1/19/2010 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Jenn,
 
Bacon cheeseburger sliders sounds great and so do those waffle fries.  I stopped at the local Subway and got two 5.00 footlongs and we had them for dinner.  Not too bad, it has been a long time since I was there for a sub. 
 
I really hope that your husband feels better.  You are probably right about it not being the way to go right now.  But I still hope it works for both your sakes. 
 
Keep up the good attitude, stay strong.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/23/2010 4:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Latest-

DH has decided to not go on the MAOI's but refill his cymbalta for now and go back in three weeks.

Apparently I am a psycho, insecure B***h........if I fix that then everything else will be fine.  Our marital issues have NOTHING to do with his depression as he feels he is fine.  Thank god I start with a new therapist next week I do hope she is good.......DH's therapist whom I ahve met recommended me to her as she felt we would be a good fit.  At this point I believe my marriage is over and I intend on acting as such.  After all I have done for him to call me the above .......I was hurt now I am very very angry!!!! devil

I will start my therapy wednesday and get myself back....he hs stripped me of some of my security and esteem ....I told him any insecurity I have was instilled in me by his behavior.........he basically said whatever you want to believe.  It shouldn't take to long for me to regain myself and then.......

I actually filled out all the paperwork today for divorce all I have to do is pay the 250.00 and hand him the papers........I need to stay angry and stand my ground.

Boys and I are ordering out and a glass of red wine is in my future........DH is gone tonight.  Thank god!!  I do hope to be in bed prior to his return.  He worked today and came home to me saying not a thing....just interacted with my boys and pets........

Love to all......Jennscool   (gotta keep the sunny disposition)


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
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   Posted 1/23/2010 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jenn,
 
I am glad to hear that you are going to get stronger and get on with your life.  Be it with or without him.  I am sorry that he is blaming you for everything and calling you names.  Maybe the meds will help him and he will start to see things differently.  But in the meantime, you keep working on you and get stronger. 
 
I understand the feeling of wanting to stay angry so that you can stand your ground.  I use to remember feeling that way in my first marriage.  It seemed once I let my guard down, I would go back to old thinking habits.  And wouldn't stay strong with my decisions. 
 
Either way, doing what is right for you is the best thing, and the therapy can only do good for you.  Know we are behind you too. 
 
Enjoy that glass of wine and take out!
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/23/2010 5:48 PM (GMT -7)   
sad Tears,.....
 
Thank you Karen.  I will and can't wait to get some of me back.  Just need to stay angry for a bit.  Which is difficult for me.
 
Hard few days........Thanks again....Hugs....Jennscool

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 1/23/2010 7:19 PM (GMT -7)   
This will be okay Jenn. I know that it is hard right now. But you will come out of this stronger and wiser.

My thoughts and prayers are with you right now.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/23/2010 9:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks again....I have been siphering all of my "girl power" today....they all are behind me and full of support which helps.

You guys of course are my support as well....but who'da thunk this would be the turn of events.  Had my chamomile tea and off to bed now.....exhausted does not even begin to explain......

Sleep well all.....hugs and sweet dreams!    Jennscool


THE HAPPY TURTLE
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Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 1/24/2010 12:54 AM (GMT -7)   
jenn, have responded to your e-mail, the majority is not fit for consumption here. i know your hurting. here for you. healings to you my dear friend. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/24/2010 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
tongue I will read it Jamie.  Thank you!
 
Hugs....Jennscool

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 1/24/2010 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jenn,

How are you today?

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/24/2010 10:02 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Karen-

I am doing pretty well.  I am trying to maintian the strength of my convictions.  I just told him that I realized awhile ago that I needed help to deal with my insecurities and that I made the move on my own to do so.  I also told him he has issues of his own that unless he deals with will be a catalyst in the demise of our marriage.  I also said I am not psycho nor am I a b***h and that I stood by him through his issues and if he cannot do the same for me seeing as my issue were instilled through his behaviors then he can leave.  He was of course just a jerk about it and meanly said he got it and I was repeating myself.  So I made it clear that if could not get out of bed and be a decent respectful husband that he could pack a bag.....not just for over night but for a long stay away and leave today.  He spouted off..."yeah like I can do that in a day"  I stated that indeed he could.  His choice.  he also stated that he is much better and improving daily.  Well if this is improvement I want out.

With that said if he gets out of bed and is not decent to me.......if it is more than I can handle today I will just ask him to leave otherwise if he decides to stay and does not work on being a decent respectful husband I will tell him to make sure he packs a bag for the week and take it with him tomorrow morning.  I do know I have to remember that his treatment of me has been poor.....this is not about my treatment of him.  He will continue alienating everyone that cares for him if he continues to think everything is about him.

I am also not going to do for him anymore......no lunches, dinners, laundry etc....he is on his own.  I am going to take care of me and my boys and that's it.  I am willing to bet that he is a jerk and thinks I will tolerate it and let him stay.....not happening.  So I am more the prepared for his departure.

I filled out the divorce papers yesterday online and all I need to do is pay for them and they will be emailed to me within hours.  I am also more than reday to do that.

So I guess for the first time my future looks promising.....I just need to maintian the strength of my convictions and know I deserve and out there is someone that would treat me decent.

Hope your day goes well.......I am thinking mine will be just fine

Hugs.....Jennscool


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 1/24/2010 11:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow Jenn,
 
 You are making some signicant changes in your life.  Moving forward.  I am glad that you are standing your ground.  And sticking to things.  That is a huge accomplishment.  Maybe he will straighten up his act and see what is what.  I hope so.  If not, he is losing a good companion. 
 
The weather here is rainy, so I am aching more than usual.  But other than that I am feeling good.  I hope that you have a wonderful day.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/24/2010 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   

Yes Karen that is my plan.......I have always backed down however to keep the peace but that is where I do hope therapy will guide me.

I am sorry you are feeling bad today....stupid weather does that to many ours is gloomy as well.  Interesting that something so simple can make such an impact.

I will be leaning on you guys should I feel I am not standing up for myself at least until wednesday when I go to my therapist.  I do hope you guys don't mind.

Enjoy your day and I do hope you find some relief.

Hugs .....Jennscool


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 1/24/2010 12:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jenn,
 
Know that we are here for you no matter what.  And always will be.  I am happy that you feel confident coming here and sharing your life's situation.  We support you.
 
I am taking it easy today, just watching tv and coming on here.  I don't do well in this kind of weather.  Don't even want to get dressed.  Can't wait until spring!
 
I know that you are making some tough decisions.  But I think that you are doing the right things.  Stick to your guns.  And be consistant.  Hopefully he will learn from that.  And I hope that you have a nice session with your therapist.  I go to the pdoc on Tuesday.  Hope that the weather works out for me.  It stopped me last time.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 1/26/2010 12:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I was able to get in yesterday to see my new therapist and she is wonderful!!  She has a good plan in place for me tackling one issue at a time knowing that likely my dealing with stuff will cause DH to freak and either get help once again for himself or cause or marriage to crumble.  So this week I am to only do things that make ME happy......I am not to worry about DH at all, just Jennifer!!  Easier said than done.....I very rarely put myself first in fact probably never.  So this should be interestingtongue   I feel good about what my future holds for the first time in a long time....even though I don't know what it holds I do know that taking care of me will make everything for me turn out very well.  I see her again next wednesday so I just am going to try and start each day reminding myself that today is about my happiness no one elses....everything I do today is exactly what I want to do and makes me happy and content.  Again easier said than done.....but that's the goal.
 
Went on a college visit with My oldest son Mack yesterday.....amazing college!!  Very small but the technology he will be working with is absolutely phenomenal!!!  He is so excited as are his parents!  Now to get him through the last semester of high school and then  off to college he goes!  Close enough to home (about 35 minutes) that likely he will commute.
 
That's the latest.......may need a shove every now and then if you guys are up to it to concentrate on Jenn!!
 
Hugs to all......and I do hope your days have been calm!!
 
Jennscool

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 1/26/2010 1:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jenn,
 
this is wonderful!!!  Yes it is hard to put ourselves first.  But we have to in order to survive.  I am glad that things are working well with you and your therapist.  That is always great.  I am trying to type right now with a dog lifting up my arm.  She is insistant. 
 
I am so happy for you and hope that you are on the road to recovery.  Remember we are all a work in progress.  One day at a time, one moment at a time.  You can do this and we are here to help you.
 
Best wishes for a wonderful day.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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