don't know what to do anymore

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tigerlily101
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/31/2010 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   
For the last month I have been so unbelievably depressed. All I want to do all day is cry. But it's also like I go through weird mood swings. In the morning I feel so sad but then around midday I maybe start to feel a little bit better, and then usually at night I get extremely depressed again. I just sit and cry and feel so hopeless. I've gone to a counselor once so far but I just don't know how much it is going to help me. I just don't know how much more of this I can actually take in between going to appointments. I'm hopeful that the counseling will help but I really just don't know... my doctor told me if it doesn't help she would put me on medication but I know that takes a while to kick in and she wants me to give counseling a good try first. But I just feel so terrible and I don't know how long I can wait. I just want to feel normal again. I used to be okay but it just seems like after going through a breakup and other issues I'm miserable and don't even want to be here anymore. I don't think that I'm seriously suicidal but I definetly sometimes wish I wasn't here anymore so the pain would just stop. I don't think I could ever really kill myself though. But I'm only 20 years old and these are supposed to be the best days of my life and I feel so empty and depressed. I don't know what to do cry

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 1/31/2010 4:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tigerlily101,
 
Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum.  I am so glad that you have found us and joined in.  First of all, this is a very hard time of the year.  I don't exactly know why but January and February are hard months.  Maybe it has to do with the holidays being over and people feeling empty, or maybe it is the weather, but none the less, this is an extremely hard time of the year. 
 
I know that counseling really helps me.  I have been going for years.  And I am glad that you started.  I know that the first visit doesn't seem like much, but I promise that things are going to start to get better once you get going on the counseling.  It just takes time, so be patient. 
 
Try to take life one day at a time and live in the now.  It is so important.  Be aware of what life has to offer at that particular moment.  What you are experiencing, and seeing, touching and hearing.  All your senses put together.  Be aware of your surroundings.  Live in the moment.  Don't worry about the future and don't dwell on the past.  This can be done, you just have to work on it. 
 
I also take medications.  It took a long time until I found what worked for me.  So if you have to take medications, be patient there too.  It can take up to six weeks before any anti depressant reaches it's full effect.  So you have a little ways to go yet, but just don't give up.  Keep trying.  You will feel better soon.
 
Best wishes to you.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18742
   Posted 1/31/2010 6:30 PM (GMT -7)   
karen has given you some excellent wisdom, i would also suggest you tell your dr. that you are struggling, this way with the therapy on-going your medication can kick in. keep well, and seek assistance if you feel unsafe, we care, with healing compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


tigerlily101
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/31/2010 6:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for replying :).
And ya I guess I have to be patient but its just hard when you feel this crappy all the time because I really don't have any patience left. I just want to feel better now because I'm so miserable. And like I said I don't know how much more of this I can take.
I've been having really bad luck lately with dating guys too which I think is part of the problem. I was seeing this one guy for a while and then he broke up with me because he was going to be working out of town and going to Australia but I knew at the same time he just doesn't really want a girlfriend. And I was really upset about it because I did really really like him and I just like being in a relationship. I feel pathetic though that I'm one of those girls who doesn't like to be single. I just hate being alone. But anyway since I'm a huge idiot I ended up hooking up with my ex a few months after we broke up which was a horrible horrible idea. I knew it was at the time but there was definitely some alcohol involved lol which I also know is a bad idea. I guess I just feel like I can't not drink because that's what my friends do on weekend- we go out and drink. And I know I could go out and not drink but frankly that would not be fun for me. So it's either stay home and do nothing or go out and drink with my friends. But anyway back to my exboyfriend... of course I also thought well maybe there is a chance he will want to get back together but he shot that idea down immediately and so I'm right back to being horrible and missing him again. But I will not be making that mistake again. Now I just feel terrible about myself.
Then a few weeks ago I met this really really great guy and we were getting along well and had gone out for a few dates, when out of nowhere he gets this call about a new job out of town where he can make lots of money so now he is moving away. And its like why does this happen to me. Why would I have something great given to me, only to be taken away? I know I'm young and have plenty of time to find someone but for some reason it just doesn't feel that way to me. Like I said I like being in a relationship and I am one of the only single people out of my group of friends. I know that shouldn't matter but it does to me.
I don't know I'm just so sick of the way I'm feeling like I can't stop crying.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 1/31/2010 6:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Don't feel bad, things will get better.  You will meet somebody who is maybe moving your area to work.  You never know.  And you will have a relationship.  But you still have to learn to love yourself. 
 
Be careful with the drinking, it makes a person depressed.  Whenever I read that I have to remind people that alcohol is a depressant.  So when you drink, you automatically get depressed.  And if you are already depressed, it just makes it worse.  So be careful...
 
I hope that you start feeling better soon. 
 
Best wishes,
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18742
   Posted 2/2/2010 4:03 AM (GMT -7)   
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 
FROM JAMIE. KEEP SAFE. WE ARE HERE.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


medic6012
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 2/2/2010 3:51 PM (GMT -7)   
I can understand about not wanting to be alone i was the same way i know its hard really hard but it will so be worth it in the end keep your chin up kiddo we are here for ya if you need people to talk to

tigerlily101
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 2/7/2010 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I went to my counciler again this week... I still don't really know if I'm clicking with her. But anyway she told me I should go see my doctor again so I did. She put me on Cipralex... anyone else been on it/know anything about it? Hopefully it works. I have been feeling a tiny bit better in general but still not great. But at least in a week I have reading week and get to go to Mexico! It gives me something to look forward to.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 2/7/2010 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   
It is a good sign that you are feeling better all ready. I am so happy for you. It takes a good four to six weeks for an anti depressant to reach it's full effects.

I am delighted that you are going to Mexico!!! You will have to tell us all about it when you can. Kudos to you!!!

I am glad that you are having a better day. Here's to even better days yet to come!

Hugs Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18742
   Posted 2/7/2010 8:47 PM (GMT -7)   
one day at a time my friend. you are on your journey to wellness. keep posting and keep seeking support. enjoy your trip. with compassion and care, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


damagedgoods41
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 377
   Posted 2/7/2010 11:33 PM (GMT -7)   
hello Tigerlily101 i would like to say that i agree 100% with Karen and Jamiee in regard's to councelling,medication and from the sound's of it ur very co-dependant when it comes to having a man in ur life all of the time. Ive never been like that but my daughter who is 22 is the very same as she also cant go without a man in her life and she say's that she cant live without her partner of 8yrs now. I think that maybe you need to try and see how you cope without that male influence in ur life for a while just until you get urself sorted out and get ur depression under control. Your still so very young and have ur life ahead of you,but try and cope on ur own for a while and see how you feel then!!!!! Im sorry ur feeling so very down but as long as you come on here and talk to other's and get great advice you shall do well,and you will get better with med's.councelling ect!!!! Also promise you wont ever hurt yourself as it's really not worth the effort as it usually alway's fails anyway believe me i have tried and im still here 20 yrs later. Keep ur chin-ip and stay focused on what you need to do for YOU!!!!!!
 
sincerly,
 
beverley......scool scool
Permanent ileostomy,radical hysterectomy & bi-lateral ophrectomy,bi-lateral mastectomy,atonic bladder.
DX chronic depression,bi-polarr11,panic disorder & o.c.d.!!!
Currently taking Avanza 30mg,Abilify 20mg,Seroquel 200mgs,Asprin,Valium 5mgs & Sandrena HRT gel 1.0mgs
Strive to be a success but rather to be of value!!!!!!!
 
Dont count the day's,make the day's count!!!!!!
 
No more revenge now;I will think upon revenge!!!!
  • I dont knowthe key to success,but the key to failure

    is trying to please everybody!!!!!!!!!!!

    Life becomes harder for us, when we live life for others!!!

    Without music, life would be a mistake!!!!!!!!!

    Im not young enough to know everything!!!!!!!!

     

     
     
     
     
     
     
     


    tigerlily101
    New Member


    Date Joined Jan 2010
    Total Posts : 4
       Posted 2/10/2010 9:50 PM (GMT -7)   
    Yeah I definitely think you're right. I probably should lay off the dating and just figure myself out for right now. It's just hard because I do really want to be with someone and I can't ignore that feeling. But I know that in order to really be happy I have to be happy with myself first. So that's what I'm working on for right now.
    My medication seems alright so far. The first few days I felt a little light headed in the mornings after I took it but that's gone away now. No other side effects as of right now :)

    SmurfyShadow
    Veteran Member


    Date Joined Dec 2008
    Total Posts : 2386
       Posted 2/10/2010 10:27 PM (GMT -7)   
    Ive been in counceling since 2 of my brothers deaths (died in the line of duty on same day in Iraq) and I love counceling well started to when they got me talking. I did medication for awhile, but I'm able to get off it then start during really bad times like holidays. It works, really. And take that vacation. You got to do something for me though, RELAX while ur on it and soak up all the sun you can and swim hehe. Keep strong
     
    Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
    DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis
    Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prilosec, Protonix, Zantac, Advair, Cingulair, Albuterol, Calcium + Vitamin D, Pro-Air, Pepcid, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl
    Undergoing Radiation Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) on Radiation Days


    THE HAPPY TURTLE
    Elite Member


    Date Joined Mar 2009
    Total Posts : 18742
       Posted 2/11/2010 1:12 AM (GMT -7)   
    my condolences to you smurfyshadow. your brave sharing is helping tigerlily. and 2 us all. i lost my lady, albeit with support i have regained me. i still miss her, but i know that she is happy with my direction and purpose. DG41, sound info too. tigerlily, time 4 you to heal. my compassion 2 you all. jamie.
    YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
     
    DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
     
    REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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