as a child i was beaten often by my mum and a couple of times she beat me quite severely.
she would also verbally abuse me she would say things like 'i should have drowned you at birth', 'i wish you were never born' 'how did i get such a that kind of thing.
she used to make me do all of the housework and cooking.
i was never popular at school, some of the kids used to bully me because i was fat plus i wouldn't stand up for myself and i didn't have any friends at home.
when i was 16 i met a girl she was the first girl to show any interest in me and we rushed into things.
this girl was very jealous and would accuse me of all sorts of things but she was also trying to convince me that she was sleeping around which she says was to make her feel wanted. she fell pregnant within 3 months and because we were young her family were making threats of mutilation towards me. during her pregnancy she started to become violent towards me that continued until recently when i finally stood up to her.
now i feel like i will always be treated that way i still don't have any friends nor any real family and i don't feel that i could make any friends.
i rarely ever leave the house now that I'm not working i just don't see the point in going anywhere.
i used to bodybuild and do a bit of boxing too but now every time i start training after about
10 minutes i seem to just sit there staring into space for ages and then give up.
i don't have any kind of social life and my girlfriend (same girl i spoke about
above) doesn't listen to me at all.
in the past i thought a lot about
suicide but i haven't thought about
it for around 2 weeks.
i don't know if i have actual depression but it's the only word i know to describe how i feel.
i don't know if i should discuss this with the doctor or not and to be honest i don't know if i would be able to.
what should i do? how would i be able to deal with this myself?
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 2/11/2010 3:46:24 PM (GMT-7)