am i clinically depressed or is this something else

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mattymatt87
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/11/2010 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
as a child i was beaten often by my mum and a couple of times she beat me quite severely.
she would also verbally abuse me she would say things like 'i should have drowned you at birth', 'i wish you were never born' 'how did i get such a  that kind of thing.
she used to make me do all of the housework and cooking.
i was never popular at school, some of the kids used to bully me because i was fat plus i wouldn't stand up for myself and i didn't have any friends at home.
when i was 16 i met a girl she was the first girl to show any interest in me and we rushed into things.
this girl was very jealous and would accuse me of all sorts of things but she was also trying to convince me that she was sleeping around which she says was to make her feel wanted. she fell pregnant within 3 months and because we were young her family were making threats of mutilation towards me. during her pregnancy she started to become violent towards me that continued until recently when i finally stood up to her.
now i feel like i will always be treated that way i still don't have any friends nor any real family and i don't feel that i could make any friends.
i rarely ever leave the house now that I'm not working i just don't see the point in going anywhere.
i used to bodybuild and do a bit of boxing too but now every time i start training after about 10 minutes i seem to just sit there staring into space for ages and then give up.
i don't have any kind of social life and my girlfriend (same girl i spoke about above) doesn't listen to me at all.
in the past i thought a lot about suicide but i haven't thought about it for around 2 weeks.
i don't know if i have actual depression but it's the only word i know to describe how i feel.
i don't know if i should discuss this with the doctor or not and to be honest i don't know if i would be able to.
what should i do? how would i be able to deal with this myself?

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 2/11/2010 3:46:24 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 2/11/2010 3:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi MattyMatt87,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression forum.

It sounds like you have some deep seeded emotional problems and YES I would talk to the doctor about it. You truly could use some support right now, so I would also suggest counseling.

Remember that none of this is your fault. I feel that because of the way that you were treated as a child it has followed you into your adult life. So don't blame yourself and please stop taking it out on yourself.

Right now you need some type of help, and the doctor would be the place to start. If you have trouble talking to him/her, write a list of what you want to say and carry it with you. If you can't read the list, just hand it to him/her and let them read it. It is very important for you that you get some kind of help right now.

Best wishes to you, please see your doctor.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18747
   Posted 2/12/2010 2:49 AM (GMT -7)   
mattymatt, agree with talking with your doc. seems like you have some past trauma that needs working thru. poss ptsd. post traumatic stress disorder. my background is not that disimilar. albeit the therapy really helped me get passed the past. all the best. with healing compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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