I had a what my doctor called a severe depressive episode a couple months ago. I felt like I was in really bad shape. My general doctor put me on medical leave and sent me to a psychiatrist and a therapist. They have both helped me so much. I didn’t think I was going to make it at the time. That was back at the end of August. I’m back at work now and the stress is here. I coping better than before, but find it a struggle. Through all of this I realized that I couldn’t take my husbands anger, yelling and control anymore. Him and my 14 yr old son get into it and its not good for anyone. My husband has told me the last ten years that I have a problem with it because my first husband was so violent. I believed him for so long – part of me still does.
My therapist urged my to start setting down boundaries with my husband. Letting him know I wouldn’t put up with the yelling anymore to start with. I finally did that and it forced him to go to the doctor and get on Effexor XR (the same thing I’m on). It has helped with his yelling tremendously and my son seems much happier. The problem is I’m not. My husband tells me almost every day now how much he loves me and that he would marry me all over again today. He asks me if I feel the same way. I feel like I can’t answer him honestly – I change the subject. I have told him a few months ago that I had lost feelings for him and I don’t know if they will come back and when he asked if we were going to stay married I told him I don’t know. I don’t feel strong enough to deal with it yet, but I feel like I am living a lie. When I initially went to the therapist I told her I was having a problem with self injury. I told my husband around the same time. I had never told anyone before. I am working on stopping. It just feels like there are so many things to work on at the same time..I don’t know, its hard…
Thanks for listening…TB
Post Edited (joeboot) : 12/8/2004 11:15:00 AM (GMT-7)