Losing friends

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Helens
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/13/2010 10:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi

I'm sure that this is something that you all are familiar with, woke up from my most recent episode of depression and realised that 90% of my friends hadn't called since I had started to get ill 18 months previously. I have tried to talk to them about it, but most didn't want to engage. The ones I did speak to about it in more detail said that they had tried asking me out to stuff, but I said no, so what were they supposed to do. My reply was that they should have kept on calling.

The other person I spoke to about it said that she was sorry i felt like that, not that she was actually sorry for it, just sorry that I in my deluded state saw it like this.

Anyway, I am resigned to the fact that they aren't really my friends if they are like this, but I still feel really angry about it all. Does anyone have any advice about how to move on? I have tried talking it out with them, but most just don't reply. How can i get over this hurt if they won't engage?

Helen

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 2/13/2010 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Helen,

Welcome to the healing well depression forum. Unfortunately when people aren't depressed, they just don't seem to understand depression. And you might see things in a different light when you start to feel better. So I would try to overlook what has happened.

Are you going to any counseling or taking any medications? I would recommend talking to your doctor about how you are feeling and maybe he will hook you up with a counselor or put you on some medications.

Try not to take this too personal. Like I say, when you start to feel better you may see things differently. And people who don't get depressed, don't have a clue as to what we are going through, and being that they are uneducated to this, it really isn't thier fault.

And yes there are times when they really aren't friends to begin with, but give them a chance, and see how it goes when you feel better before you decide to give up on them.

I hope that you feel better soon, best wishes to you. Keep posting, there is a wonderful group of members here and we will always be here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Helens
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/13/2010 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Tbh im 95% well now, back to work and all that entails, which is a far sight better than I was last summer. I still feel like they were crappy friends, and theyve done nothing to redeem themselves, Im just not sure how to get over it all. i am in councelling - CBT - and I suppose this is one of the things i need to bring up, but theres always so much other crazy to talk about.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 2/13/2010 11:29 AM (GMT -7)   
I would bring it up to the counselor. This seems to be very important to you. You will get over it though. People like that can be a dime a dozen. There are so many other things to think about. You will get through this, I know that you will.

Keep on keeping on.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


FamilyGuy
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 3310
   Posted 2/13/2010 11:38 AM (GMT -7)   
I would concentrate on the 10% of friends that did stick by you--they are true friends. The other 90% are friends we all have, they drift into and out of our lives but the true ones will remain--cherish them.

Like Karen said, you should bring this up to your counselor as it is important to you.

Take care,
Jon,  Co-moderator for Crohn's Disease, Depression, & Celiac Disease forums
 
"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821-81), Swiss philosopher, poet 
 
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Helens
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/13/2010 1:07 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for the advice, appreciate it.

H

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 2/13/2010 2:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope that you find that you really do have friends. Like Jon said, that ten percent is really all we have and they are to be cherished, and the others forgotten. Remember the good times and forget about the bad. It isn't worth dwelling upon. You are a good person and you know that. That is what matters the most.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/13/2010 4:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Helen,

Be thankful for the 10% of friends that you do have. I personally have never been able to make friends. I am not sure why, but in my 40+ years it has been extremly lonely. Last year I went through a really rough bout where because of a stand I made at work for one of the employees I was supervising (who was being mistreated), I was forced to quit. I went into a huge state of depression because I not only lost my good job, but my social network that i had. for the first time I thought that I finally had a couple of friends and now they were gone to. I ended up being committed by my family and now struggle almost everyday. I would like to say that I still have those couple of friends, but honestly I don't think so.

One of my issues is that I have never been able to make male friends and if on a rare occassion I can develope a friendship it is always with females. Nothing sexual or anything like that, but my wife takes huge issue with it, so I just don't anymore and pretty much keep to myself.

Most days am not too bad, but today sure isn't good.

As I said before - be thankful for the friends you do have.

Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 2/13/2010 10:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Familyguy stole the words I was going to say...rely on the friends that are there. I'd rather have 2 REALLY good friends that I can count on and know really care about me than 20 who are wishy washy. Things like depression show you who your true friends are.

Know that we are all here when you feel lonely. You're not alone.

Hugs!
Becky

32 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05, Bilateral pulmonary emboli 10/09
Currently on Humira, Omeprazole, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, Coumadin

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