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still_lost2
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Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/13/2010 7:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Pointless..

FamilyGuy
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 3310
   Posted 2/13/2010 7:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Can you talk to your counselor about this? You have a wife that obviously loves you, please talk to her. Spouses can be amazing support. They can be your best friend as well.

What are your interests? Myself, I'm a sci fi/fantasy junkie and have found some great online forums to join in conversation. It can help fill the void.
Jon,  Co-moderator for Crohn's Disease, Depression, & Celiac Disease forums
 
"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821-81), Swiss philosopher, poet 
 
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still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/13/2010 7:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I dont even know what my interests are anymore..

I don't think I have any.. can't remember the last time I really smiled or laughted. I do it to put on a front but that is about it.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 2/13/2010 7:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Still_Lost,

I am Karen, and I would like to welcome you to the forum. I am sorry that I came in late, but just got here.

It sounds like you are severly depressed right now. Do you have a doctor that you could call? A counselor? Have you tried a mental health hotline?

Jon is right, you need to get some interests. Is there anything that you enjoy doing in your spare time? Sports, computer games, reading? Anything?

I know that you feel like you are in a black hole sometimes and that there is no way out. Or like the world is closing in on you. But that can change in a moment. You can learn to change your way of thinking and learn to see the brighter side of thing.

I understand that you are married and that your wife loves you very much. Think of what this does to her when you give up hope. She probably wants to be there for you. Do you guys talk ever about things? Can you open up to her? You need to find somebody that you can talk to. We are here for you, but I don't know if we can help you as much as you need. Though we will always be here.

PLease call somebody to talk to.

And keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18757
   Posted 2/13/2010 10:52 PM (GMT -7)   
wtiting down stuff helps get it from head to out a bit. i walk, take in everything. i have a wonderful little dog, buttons, do you have a pet, if not then maybe this will help you. agree that you need to devert your attention from your mind, tis hard when depressed. also i am very consumer focused, thus i want to and am trying to reduce the stigma of people who have been hospitalised. myself, 28 sdmissions, 20 public, 8 private, the private lot were 3 plus months each, i had ECT in 2004 and went into a psychosocial inpatient program for people with severe borderline personality disorder. (6 months) i also did of 6 years of private psychotherapy, i learn't so much about me, about cause and effect and about life. without all of these i would still be lost, or worse!! one day at a time, my healing compassion i send to you. with compassion,
jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/14/2010 12:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen and Jaimie.
 
Karen, I really appreciate your response.  Not sure about things at all.  I try to put on a good front as it seems to be what people want.  It really bothers me not to be in control of my emotions etc..  Seems really stupid but it is like all I really need is someone to talk to and confide in besides my wife.  My brothers and sister have never been really close so that doesn't seem like an option and I just don't bond with males.
 
My wife always feels threatened if I talk (communicate) with females, but they are the only one I can really open up to.  Males just seem to be interested in competition etc... etc... where females really listen, but they are not an option for me either now.
 
::(

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 2/14/2010 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I am beginning to think thatt your wife is insecure. As long as I can remember, I have always got a long better with males than females. Though I have female friends now where I didn't use to. So maybe she needs to be more secure in your relationship in order for things to work out.
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/14/2010 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
I think I felt hurt more than anything. I really wasn't talked to a lot about my situation. The doctor put me on medication which really acted bad for me. The medication made me act like I was drunk and I said and did things that I don't remember. Late one night I communicated with a friend, I don't remember doing it or what was said; however, she felt scared for me and contacted my wife. The next day my wife, along with my siblings, just came out to me and told me that they were taking me and having me committed. Needless to say, I FREAKED. I refussed to have them do it and I actually drove (2hours) to the hospital myself. I was told that it would be a 3 day evaluation, but when I got put in the next morning they came and told me that it would be a minimum of 3 weeks.

I FREAKED AGAIN...

When I realized what was going on and why people were conserned I figured it out that my medication was the cause. I refussed to take it anymore and things improved. The first place I was hospitalized was really bad, but I was only there 2 days and they transferred me to another place. THANK GOD.. becuae that doctor listened to me and understood what I was trying to tell him. He kept me 4 more days and realized that it was the medication and released me on a probationary leave. I have returned a couple of times for evaluation but haven't had to stay anymore. My wife was mad at me because I was chatting with a friend (who is female and 21). She classified it as an affair and wanted to kick me out. The person I was talking to was only someone that we could talk. None of our talk was sexual or anything like that and she lives 2000 miles away so no chance of meetings etc... We talked about her getting married because her family was a bit against it... her plans etc... my situation (being fired) my daughters disability etc...
She could relate so much because her fiance's parents adopted a child with simillar problems, so it was so good to talk to someone about what our family was feeling.
Being told I was cheating really hit me hard and added to everything..

Now I have to deal with me being in the hospital and what people think... I hate it..

still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/14/2010 12:54 PM (GMT -7)   
getting by are you male or female?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 2/14/2010 2:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I am a female.

You can think about it this way. You have us now. Nobody really knows eachother so it is easier to talk. You are not judged here and we all support each other.

If your wife is feeling the slightest bit insecure, then you talking to females is going to bother her. She probably feels like she should be able to be there for you. But you are feeling that she doesn't understand. And maybe she doesn't.

It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. I hope that you have the resources to help you. You need plenty of support and an understanding ear. But you have to put work into this too. You need to find the right medications, if need be. And you need somebody professional to help you.

We do understand. I don't know why you are not comfortagle talking to males. Maybe your issues are that deep that you feel they can't comprehend what you are feeling. Often we feel too deep. And that is a difficult place to go. I often don't even go there with myself. Because I spend too much time questioning things.

I hope that you feel better soon. And remember that we all are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/14/2010 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen,
 
Guess that I feel messed up in more than one way.
 
I really appreciate your comments, they mean a lot to me.  I feel like I have been so down for so long that I just can't drag myself out.  In a lot of ways I fel like my life is over.  AI don't plan on living a long healthy life, and I just wonder if this is it.
 
My wife comes from an extremly religious background.  She doesn't believe in anything fun... (dancing, parties etc...).  Don't get me wrong, I am not a hell raiser or anything like that, but I just cant fit into the Bible Studies etc....  Again, don't get me wrong.. I do believe and am a Christian.
 
Most days I walk around with my head in a cloud.  I have a hard time focusing and my motivation/energy level sucks.  I keep saying that I want to get back to normal, but am not sure what that is anymore.  How can I get bck to something that I have no idea what it is or how to get there.
 
People all say that it takes time.  I have a Doctor, but no one to really listen.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 2/14/2010 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think that any of us know what 'normal' is really. You just have to take life one day at a time and deal with it that way. It isn't always easy, and yes, it does take time. We learn as we go. One day at a time...

I use to spend so much time thinking, that I wasn't living. Now I don't think so much. I just take things as they come and it is a lot easier for me that way. I can't remember the last time I unnecessarily worried about something, and I did that all the time before.

Just deal with one thing at a time. Take the time to work on what is on your plate at that moment. Write the other stuff down and worry about it when you get to it. By writing it down, you are storing it. Such as, you said, people don't listen. Well, listen to yourself. Others worry about themselves. They are not required to listen to us. But we can listen to us. If you have a problem, write it down with the other things that you write down. Store it in a safe place, and when it is time to deal with it, do so, and then cross it off of the list. This teaches us to be in the here and now. Then we are only focussing on one thing at a time. You learn to problem solve and then you are living life. Try to accomplish one thing a day. I know that it isn't easy and your energy level isn't up to par. Do you walk? Try taking a walk each day. No matter how short or long. Notice everything around you. Listen to the noises, look at the sights. Say hello to people if you see them. Even if you only go for five minutes. When you are done, write it down. Write down what you remember about that walk. And think of it as something accomplished. Reward yourself with something. Or take a rest. Then move on to the next thing on your list.

Another thing that helps is meditation. It calms and centers you. There is so much that you can do for yourself that doesn't take medications or counseling, though I highly recommend both. But you can work on your own too.

I hope that things work out for you and your wife. I hope that you guys can connect and that things will be good for you both.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/15/2010 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Everything you say seems like so much common sense. It seems easy when someone else says it, but not so easy when I try to put it into practice.

Sometimes I feel like I am just going through all of this just for attention. Maybe it is a way that someone will notice me or take time to talk to me. Maybe it is a way that I can force people to be friends with me.

So many times it is like I am in a dream, or maybe a nightmare, but things don't always seem real. I think I will wake up and everything will be good. Everyone says that I need time, but in a lot of ways, time seems to be my worst enemy.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 2/15/2010 11:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Remember, practice makes perfect. Just like meditation, even though you are practicing it, you are actually doing it. So keep trying. You will get there. I don't know how old you are, but with age, comes wisdom and experience. I guess I am at that age where I don't worry anymore. Things will come to you in time. You are trying and that is what matters.

I don't know if you are doing what you are for attention or not. But that is probably just a part of you. Embrace that and yourself and know that you are a good person. I think that reaching out shows that.

Best wishes for you to have a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/15/2010 12:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I am 40 Karen.. How about you? Do you ever talk outside of the forum... email or facebook or anythin?

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18757
   Posted 2/15/2010 3:27 PM (GMT -7)   
hey still_lost, jamie, male, 37,
 
one thing karen has taught me is about 'the here and now'. keep reaching out. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/15/2010 4:37 PM (GMT -7)   
It is hard to keep reaching out. After awhile you begin to wonder what the point is. I mean you get up each morning... do what ever, go to work, come home, eat some dinner and go to bed. Tomorrow the same thing... day after day after day and sometimes you begin to wonder what the point to it all is.

What have I done wrong.. where did I screw up.. why are things so much different for me than everyone else.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 2/15/2010 5:15 PM (GMT -7)   
You haven't done anything wrong. It is just in how you perceive your life. Maybe you have to learn to look at it differently. Try to find the good points. It really can change your perspective on things.
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/15/2010 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
I know your right.

Getting by, do you ever email or facebook?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 2/16/2010 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Still_Lost,

With your wife's insecurity about you emailing other women, I don't think it would be wise if we email. I don't want to make her anymore insecure. But I am more than happy to talk to you on the forum with any questions or concerns that you might have.

I feel that you need to establish a more secure relationship with your wife. Learn to talk with her about things. You don't want to ruin a relationship over this. She must be a wonderful woman as you have chosen her to be your mate.

I hope that things work out for the two of you. A good relationship is worth working on. So please continue to try to make her feel secure in your relationship.

Know that you can always come here for support.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/16/2010 9:07 AM (GMT -7)   
I understand, but wish we could email.

still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 3/21/2010 12:00 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel like I am losing my mind.
Yesterday I noticed a lot of dust in our house, so I came down stairs to check the furnace filter. It had been removed and was sitting beside the furnace. I have no idea how or why I would have ever done that, but no one else in our house would know how to do it so it must have been me.

I am going crazy

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18757
   Posted 3/21/2010 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
sounds like a chat with your doc may help. i do not like the term or use of the word myself. with compassion, jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


still_lost2
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 3/21/2010 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   
how can i be so stupid?

how can things chenge so much in such a short time? I dont think doctors can help
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