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JS2424
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/14/2010 8:58 PM (GMT -7)   
My father has never been a factor in my life. He gives me money from time to time, but I feel its wrong to only be excited for him to give me money. I have dealt with abuse and thats the reason why I dont see him much. I have been dealing with depression for 9 years now, wishing I could see what its like to have a dad. I am 18 years old and I would just like to talk with someone that is a great father just to help keep my mind off of my crapty father and also for some advice on becoming a better father for my future children.
Thanks

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 2/15/2010 3:29 AM (GMT -7)   
You cant change a person who doesnt want to change. But your father loves you, trust me. If he didn't care, he wouldnt give you money. Some parents don't really know how to express their love so they do so in different ways, like money or pushing you away etc. Your father will not be around forever, make peace before it is too late and you regret it. I lost my brother and his k9 partner to the line of duty in Iraq. I was mad at him, and didnt talk to him. He died before I made up with him. It tears me apart that I didnt forgive him and make peace. It tears me apart that I denied his death so much that I didnt even go to the funeral. Cherish your time with your loved ones.
 
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prilosec, Protonix, Zantac, Advair, Cingulair, Albuterol, Calcium + Vitamin D, Pro-Air, Pepcid, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl
Undergoing Radiation Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) on Radiation Days


JS2424
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/15/2010 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry about that man. He's looking over for you now though. I would think that my father truly loves me and I've tried to show him how much it means to me, but I don't think it worked. When I left for college my dad asked my mom if they would ever get back together. When she said no, he didnt take it well. He filed for divorce, said he wouldnt pay for my college tuition, and that my mom would need to get a lawyer. I didnt really understand all this but I'm pretty sure its bad, especially how my moms been acting lately. I will continue to try to love him though.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 2/15/2010 10:28 AM (GMT -7)   
JS2424,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I am sorry for what is giong on between you and your father. I never knew mine, so I have no clue to what it is like to have a relationship.

I hope that things work out good for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 2/15/2010 4:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Like I said, some parents have a real hard time expressing their love. I've told you about what happened with my brother. Now, I'm going to tell you about my parents. I'm a daddy's girl, its always father to the rescue. My mother? Where should I start? That she didnt even bother coming to my surgery which was because I have cancer? That she wasn't really there for me growing up? That she constantly put me down growing up saying things like that I am too stupid to graduate high school? How she very rarely took care of me when I was sick? Fact remains she is my mother. Fact remains that she loves me, she just can not express it well. The question is WHY can't the parent show the love. My mothers answer is, because my sister died from SIDS, I was the next born. She is afraid to show me love, because she is afraid I might be taken away from her. So lets take a guess at this with you and your father. He gives you money from time to time... he feels bad he didnt pay for your college, he loves you, but is afraid to be rejected. After all your mother got divorced. In many divorced families, the parent with kids turns the kids against the other parent. Your father loves you very much, just does not know how to show it. Why not ask him to go out for a drink (coffee, soda, etc) with you? Tell him you want to get to know him better because he is your dad and that you love him. Make the first step hon, find out why he is so distant.
 
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prilosec, Protonix, Zantac, Advair, Cingulair, Albuterol, Calcium + Vitamin D, Pro-Air, Pepcid, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl
Undergoing Radiation Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) on Radiation Days


JS2424
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/15/2010 8:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I just do not think he deserves my efforts. I was abused by him when I was little and most times he would go over board in punishment. I did have a brother that died before I was born. I could understand why he wouldnt want to love another kid again, but he had three other kids after that. I would wonder why he didnt just stick to one and not take everything out on me the youngest. He was constantly trying to get back with my mom, but he just asked her about a month ago if she would ever get back and she said no and he hasnt talk to her since and wants to file an actual divorce and marry someone else. Totally not considering or even talking to his two sons and daughter. I think if he actually loved us he would give us a call and not have only our mother tell us.

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 2/20/2010 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
hi how are you. i am also fatherless, except i never had a father and my mom was basically addicted to drugs and alcohol so i know how you feel. your dad is your dad and he is not gonna change. my best advice is look at how he was and do the exact opposite. treat your kids how you would have wanted to be treated. you need to just let go of the fact of how your father is and focus on you./
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are

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