My Pathetic Life..

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Misfortune
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 2/24/2010 12:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm a 42yr old single female who's suffering miserably from depression because of my life experience that was so pathetic..  I've been ridiculed & mistreated most of my life.  In my past life I was always picked on at school, got hit by my parents a lot even as an adult..  I've been back stabbed by people who I thought where my friends.  I never experience a sexual relationship because I always get rejected ever since High School.  Recently I was going out with a guy that I work with for a while thinking I was finally going to have a sexual relationship until I found out he was GAY!smhair  I was so devastated..shakehead  I'm 42 & I'm still living with my mother & sister.  I'm a loner, I have no friends, no social life.  I've never suceed in anything, always been a failure..  I've been through therapists but none of them helped me.  I've become bitter, I ignore or curse people out whenever they get on my nerves, I developed a bitter attitude, I've become very unfriendly because of this BS I've been through in my life.  I wake up every morning asking myself if I deserve to be alive. skull  My life is filled with nothing but disappointment and misfortune.devil  I don't know how much more of this I can take.. 

Post Edited (BlueJustine) : 2/24/2010 1:53:22 PM (GMT-7)


WhiteStone
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 2/24/2010 12:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry you are feeling like this...maybe another therapist or a pdoc may help...one thing I can talk to is revising the narrative you tell yourself...I as near the end...yes, very near...and I had to start to climb out of the biggest black hole I had ever created for myself...another source of support is online peer support...I am a senior mod of one such site and I think talking to ppl who understand is very useful...big hugs and keep trying, J
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell. (Buddha)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 2/24/2010 1:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bluejustine,

Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum. I am so glad that you have joined us.

Life is full of ups and downs. We don't always get the things that we would like and things don't always turn out the way that we want them to. But that is a part of life and we learn to embrace what we do have.

I really think it would be a good idea for you to see your doctor and talk about your depression. I think that counseling would help you a lot. So please talk to your doctor and start working on getting rid of your depression.

As was posted above, it is good to come on to an online support group. And I am glad that you have decided to join us. There are many here who can understand how you feel. But you do need to take on the responsibility of working on your depression. Things look a lot better in life when you are feeling well. And feeling good about yourself as you do deserve that. I hope that you start feeling better soon.

Best wishes to you.

Keep posting,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Misfortune
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 2/24/2010 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
getting by said...

Hi Misfortune,

Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum. I am so glad that you have joined us.

Life is full of ups and downs. We don't always get the things that we would like and things don't always turn out the way that we want them to. But that is a part of life and we learn to embrace what we do have.

I really think it would be a good idea for you to see your doctor and talk about your depression. I think that counseling would help you a lot. So please talk to your doctor and start working on getting rid of your depression.

As was posted above, it is good to come on to an online support group. And I am glad that you have decided to join us. There are many here who can understand how you feel. But you do need to take on the responsibility of working on your depression. Things look a lot better in life when you are feeling well. And feeling good about yourself as you do deserve that. I hope that you start feeling better soon.

Best wishes to you.

Keep posting,

Hugs, Karen


Thank you for your response and support. As I said in the first post I went to several therapist and I must say I'm getting sick of seeing them. But I don't want to keep suffering so I'm seeing a phychiatrist for antidepressants that's suitable for me. There are times I feel so low that I might do the unthinkable, I don't like feeling this way. I want to be a strong person & live a happy life but it's not going to be easy and will take time, but I will do my best to make that effort..


http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd38/shuleria/cvuteemopic.jpg

Post Edited (Misfortune) : 2/28/2010 5:26:10 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 2/24/2010 8:10 PM (GMT -7)   
That is all that we can do Blue, is try our best. We tend to expect so much out of ourselves, when we should just go along with the flow sometimes. Life is hard enough as it is. We should give ourselves a break now and then. Let up on ourselves. I think we would be more relaxed and get farther ahead in the long run.

Keep trying, never give up on yourself. But at the same time, give yourself a break to just be human.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/25/2010 8:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Let's try and keep the responses supportive and not hostile.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


BobinmidMO
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 3/3/2010 4:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Most upset one, would you please take a moment and read what you shared?  You admitted that you're mad at the world, and if that's how you feel, it's your right to let anyone have it.  May I ask, is it the world that's mean to you, or could it possibly be you're just getting a little back of what you're handing out?
 
You commented about how you can't get any sexual satisfaction.  Is that all you want out of a relationship - a quick ride on some bouncy springs?  Trust me, you'll be just as empty afterwards as you are now.  Making love with someone you love is beyond great, but only because it's a way of sharing your love, not about a climax.  There are plenty of methods that don't require anyone else being around to facilitate that end result.
 
The best place to find people who are as dear and kind as yourself are in places where they too go.  Organized religion is no better starting ground.  In our little town of just 50,000, we have over 40 churches, so I'm sure you too have many options where you can meet wonderful people.
 
As far as being upset over still living at home, the only thing that's going to change that is you.  If you're not making enough money to support yourself alone, then maybe it's time you get a little more training in some area of work so you can generate a bit more income so you can have a place of your own, but being upset about it all the time only hurts you and that hurts me.
 
Life is what we make out of it plain and simple.  Instead of staying focused on the bad things in life, why not look only towards things that are uplifting and joyful.  I never allow one single moment of TV that includes anything bad to ever be on our TV's, ever!  If you put junk and crud in your head by the shows you watch, then of course that's what will be on your mind.  Instead, why not watch shows that not only entertain, but only lift the heart up with the joys and beauty of this earth?  If you're looking for someone to love, I dare say you'll rarely find it at a bar, but I promise you that when you're walking through your local park, you might just meet someone who's there to enjoy the flora and birds just like you are and then together you can enjoy it even more.
 
It's easy to find the darkness of life, but if you're willing to open the blinds and let the sun shine in, there's also plenty of light that will fill the black holes of your life with so much joy.  Good luck, Bob.
After an accident in  1997 crushed the nerves in my pelvis, halfway down the calf and at the fibular head (knee), my left leg slowly started to turn color from the foot up, along with swelling and temp change.  Within 2 weeks I was diagnosed with RSD.  Within 6 months, I had purple, red and some black area's almost to the knee area.  By 1999 I landed in a wheelchair and started a life taking narcotics all the time.
 
In 2004 I got an Intrathecal morphine pump, and I just got it replaced around a year ago, so now I'm on my 2nd model.
 
5 years ago the RSD spread to my right leg and has done around 80% of the damage it did to my left leg in half the time.
 
1 1/2 years ago I went septic, and the infection did go body-wide.  After 2 days in the hospital I then had a clot in my lungs.  Both should have killed me, but this time I got lucky.  Meanwhile I've been battling blood clots for the last 4 years.
 
Last fall the doctor's decided I needed to have both legs amputated above the knee's, but I decided I could only handle one at a time, so I went with the left leg since that one is a little worse off.  The right leg is now black all the way to the knee.
 
I haven't slept in a bed for over 12 years and have instead accepting the fact that I can only sleep in a chair upright.  Since I'm in RSD Phase III, it's still progressing, but I refuse to go on a pity party because those who do, party alone.  Thanks to a wife of 27 years and great family and friend support, I'm only half nuts half the time.
 
Guess that about say's it all.  Bob.


SLEEPY
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 3/4/2010 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   
"Life is what we make out of it plain and simple. Instead of staying focused on the bad things in life, why not look only towards things that are uplifting and joyful."

This is a LOAD!

Life HAPPENS!

We are in it for the ride, and if we get a break, coming from nothing, then we're extra grateful for the break. It's those who think they've been the reason for any of their good, that get on my nerve. You've got it bad buddy, but you're on my nerve. You've got a great wife you say. I don't. You've been married 27 years, and I have nearly 26, knowing her for 28 now. She's the part of my life that is pushing me to breaking down. You're lucky enough to have a wife who loves you. Cares about you, shows it and you can use that to prop yourself up. This lady comes here explaining how life isn't fair, and you dump on her.

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 3/6/2010 9:31:43 AM (GMT-7)


SLEEPY
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 3/4/2010 10:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Misfortune,


I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of bullying and scapegoating. You've had the kind of breaks in life that only those who have experienced them can understand.



Here, you will find those like myself who have. I understand you. Though we have led somewhat different lives after highschool. I went to a university and eventually married. It's not been rosey for me, but that's the breaks.



...

Misfortune, you're a sensitive soul. To me, that is that we think and feel a bit deeply. I don't always find it displeasing, but when I'm down it gets to be way down. Here you are. I am also, it's just the way it is. I haven't been able to get going, and you're considering that you've gotten to a wall. It's that way. Knowing others are there too, hasn't exactly helped me, but it is something. I don't exactly hold onto that, as to me it's cliche. But, so what, I let it be as what it is, we know what's going on with us, and that makes us smart. We're here thinking about it in the open as it were. We're lucky in that we've gotten a break having the internet. For me I don't know for how long, I could go to the library if I had to.



But, anyway, good luck.

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 3/6/2010 9:34:47 AM (GMT-7)


Misfortune
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/6/2010 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
SLEEPY said...
"Life is what we make out of it plain and simple. Instead of staying focused on the bad things in life, why not look only towards things that are uplifting and joyful."

This is a LOAD!

Life HAPPENS!

We are in it for the ride, and if we get a break, coming from nothing, then we're extra grateful for the break. It's those who think they've been the reason for any of their good, that get on my nerve. You've got it bad buddy, but you're on my nerve. You've got a great wife you say. I don't. You've been married 27 years, and I have nearly 26, knowing her for 28 now. She's the part of my life that is pushing me to breaking down. You're lucky enough to have a wife who loves you. Cares about you, shows it and you can use that to prop yourself up. This lady comes here explaining how life isn't fair, and you dump on her.


It's obvious that Bob says so much BS that he doesn't seem to understand my sufferings. rolleyes He also stated that I'm getting paid back for what I dished out, what does that suppose to mean?... I've dealt with responses like that and much worse. The only thing I can do is when I get bad responses from people is to add them to my ignore list which is exactly what I did with Bob..

Post Edited (Misfortune) : 3/6/2010 10:01:49 AM (GMT-7)


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/6/2010 9:33 AM (GMT -7)   
We need to keep the posts supportive and not attack one another. If you don't like a member's posts, then please "Ignore them" but do not attack them. That is flaming, and will always be deleted. Flaming is not tolerated on HealingWell.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


Misfortune
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/11/2010 8:06 AM (GMT -7)   
The only thing I can do is when I get bad responses from people is to add them to my ignore list. 

 
        I also added another member to my ignore list b/c that party was getting on my nerves... eyes

Post Edited (Misfortune) : 3/11/2010 10:06:33 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 3/11/2010 10:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Misfortune,

We all have to live life as it is. And it is true, it is what we make it. I understand though how you feel. Sometimes it is like we can't get a break. But that is a part of learning. After the bad, comes the good from the feeling of dealing with the bad and resolving things. Like little projects throughout. Keep trying, things will be better for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Misfortune
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/11/2010 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
getting by said...
Misfortune,

We all have to live life as it is. And it is true, it is what we make it. I understand though how you feel. Sometimes it is like we can't get a break. But that is a part of learning. After the bad, comes the good from the feeling of dealing with the bad and resolving things. Like little projects throughout. Keep trying, things will be better for you.

Hugs, Karen

Thanks getting by your support helps a lot.. smile

MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 3/11/2010 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear misfortune , It sounds like you've suffered a great deal in your life , I'm very sorry to hear that .Humans are social beings and isolating yourself will hurt you even more .Please reach out , there are helplines and hotlines that can give you info about where you can get help in your area , please call them and realize you can't do ths alone , you need help like we all do there is no shame in that at all.You'll find it will be a positive expierence just to interact with people .Best of luck and please try to persevere , mikel
HIV+ also Hep c , need hip replacement surgery on hold because of unknown but cellulitus-like ailment  .most pain from hip condition and cellulitus-like ailment .hands numb may have carpal tunnel syndrome now . Great frustration because doctors unable to diagnos ailment              .Medecines - Oxycontin , percocet ,  Celelbrex , lasix .


Lil_Boo
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/12/2010 4:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Misfortune,

I know what you mean by feeling angry at people and what not and feeling like what is the point.

at 26 i have had my fair share of BS and it gets to the point where you think *** is the point.

well i came to the conclusion **** it. my life will never change if i don't start changing things myself.
one day at a time one step at a time is all it takes and when you start seeing things getting better it spurs you on that little bit more.

i think the first thing you should do is try and move out, even if you are sharing with another person that is one step closer to getting happier, away from mum and a possibility of a new friend and a new social life.

Your life is by no means over so start living it. make lists of things you need to change and how to change them and then start one at a time.

Email me if you ever need a chat, although i can talk the hind legs off a donkey with no real reason or point :)

take care and don't ever think for one minute you're worthless.

Misfortune
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/12/2010 11:56 AM (GMT -7)   
 I like to thank every1 especially Sleepy for giving support. Even though my life is a living hll I will try the best I can to pull through and heal from my sufferings. Thanks again.


http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd38/shuleria/cvuteemopic.jpg


SLEEPY
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 3/12/2010 12:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Misfortune,

Thinking is hard at present, and I'm glad I had some ideas that connected.
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