Just Need to Get It Out!!

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rsdkfj
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/24/2010 10:58 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not going to say my whole story because it is much too long and complicated. If you're going to respond, just pretend you know what I'm talking about because I don't particularly feel like relaying the entire situation. I'm not good for him, I end up hurting him more than I do him good, but he's my best friend and I love him so I can't just stop talking to him. I hurt him a lot, I led him on and let him believe maybe we could be something again and then I tore it all down. He said it's the biggest breach of trust he has ever felt in his life. He never thought I would be the one to hurt him this much, he never thought I was capable of it. But I did, I hurt him so much and he will never trust me like he did before. We'll never be as close as we were and we will never ever be the same. I don't want to be his girlfriend again. I just want my best friend back. I broke up with my boyfriend and I can't even talk to my best friend about it because it's the same person. And my other friends would just judge me for leading him on, they'll say it was a *****y thing to do, and it was, but I don't want to hear that. I just wish everything could be back to normal. I was so happy last year, and even over the summer. I was always upbeat and okay with things and happy. And now it's like life is conspiring against me, and I don't know why. What did I do? Did I do something wrong? I see God trying to peek through with these good things, getting a job, traveling somewhere I've never been before, but they're all just overshadowed and pushed to the side by everything else. I want to stop feeling emotion completely, and just be numb. I don't care if I lose who I am as a person, the bubbly, bright, smiling girl who everybody loves so much for just being purely herself. I don't have to be that girl, as long as I don't feel this every single time something happens. It's on and off, but there is always that lingering pull on me that makes me know I am still just as miserable. It's only junior year. I hope it will pass when the year ends. Maybe summer will be good, and senior year will be back to normal. Because right now, I don't feel like feeling anything. I want to be in a coma until things get good again. Everything is just a consequence of my emotions, so eliminating my emotions is the answer, right? If you read this whole thing, thanks, and I'm sorry for talking for so long. I just really need somebody to talk to right now who doesn't know who I am and won't judge me. I hope I find some friends here who I can reach out to until I become happy again. Thanks!

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 2/25/2010 12:24 AM (GMT -7)   
hi, the trust issues (i feel) need to be repaired. and this may take time. life is a journey, and it seems this person (ex) is very hurt. we all do things in life that sometimes we regret, but it is about learning the lessons so you make good choices in other situations.
life can suck, life can be good, it can be all over the place, although finding the balance is a process-and you will find this, but you need look after yourself. having a chat with a school counsellor or alike i feel would be a good thing. with healing compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 2/25/2010 1:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear rsdkfj , I'm sorry your feeling so down , its very hard when a relationship changes and we aren't prepared for it .You may just need for some time to pass so you can both heal , talking about it is a good thing , the suggestion of a counselor to talk to is a good one , they can help guide you thru your situation .Give yourself chance, things may feel better in a couple days , hang in there . Good luck to you .
HIV+ also Hep c , need hip replacement surgery on hold because of unknown but cellulitus-like ailment  .most pain from hip condition and cellulitus-like ailment .hands numb may have carpal tunnel syndrome now . Great frustration because doctors unable to diagnos ailment              .Medecines - Oxycontin , percocet , Oxycondone , Celelbrex ,Avalox , lasix .


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 2/25/2010 8:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi rsdkfj,

Not feeling things isn't the way to go. We need to feel, be it bad or good. This builds our character.

I have been there, with fibromyalgia, I slept for two years. Listened to life go by through my bedroom window. Would do anything to get that time back, but I can't. You miss out on so much, be it good or bad as I said before. I hope that you can learn to feel. Life can be difficult, but that is what living is all about, getting through the hard parts. And the experience is worth it.

Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum. You have come to a good place. Everybody here is so kind and compassionate. And we all understand what you are going through.

Have you thought anything about counseling? That is a good route to go. Counselors can be so helpfull. You learn to access things and work them out. Problem solving in a sense. It is really worth it, you learn so much in the end. You learn about you. Get to know yourself.

I am sorry for your relationship. Give him time, he will forgive you. If he doesn't, than that is his loss. But most people do, it just takes time.

Keep posting my friend. We are all here to support you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


rsdkfj
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/25/2010 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both for your support. I thought about counseling, but I don't have any money to pay for it with. That's why I looked online for free support.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 2/25/2010 2:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Check with your local mental health facilities and with human resources. They both have programs for people with low income.

I am glad that you have joined us. You will get a lot of support here. There is a wonderful group of members on this forum.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


rsdkfj
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/25/2010 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks! Like I said, it comes in waves. Usually I get very upset when I have nothing to occupy my mind, which is often times at night. I'll probably post the most then because that's when I need the most support.
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