How do you learn to trust again?

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Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 2/25/2010 7:12 PM (GMT -7)   
My daughter has given up on her father. She said he let her down 3 times, she is done. Frankly my gut says something is off with my husband. Not sure what -but something. I think, but I cant prove it, that when I do out of town he stays in bed all day and sleeps not going to work. Since I support the family I have to travel. Not sure what to do. He says he goes to work but I dont think he does.  
How can I learn to trust him? How can she? Ideas? 
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 2/25/2010 7:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Is there any way that you can find out if he went to work or not? If he isn't, it is going to be hard to trust him. Especially when he is lieing to you. But if you find out yes he is now going to work, you are just going to have to trust. Either you do, or you don't. I don't know if it is something that you can learn to do. I think it is something that he has to earn. You can't just turn it on or off. It has to be earned by him.

You can choose not to worry about it while you are gone though. That way your mind isn't off wondering what he is doing, you will be focussing on work. But as far as learning to trust. I don't know if a person can actually do that until they know that they can trust.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18774
   Posted 2/26/2010 8:09 AM (GMT -7)   
communication is key. as is honesty-by you all. maybe some mediation would help? take care. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


WhiteStone
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 2/26/2010 9:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Many people's depression is much more acute when alone...is he being treated for this? Have you discussed your concerns with him? And to regain trust takes work...one has to be trustworthy, which can be difficult when one feels apathetic..hope he feels better and that he can work on his relationship with your daughter...big hugs, J
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell. (Buddha)


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 2/27/2010 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I have told him that I do not believe he was at work. He says that he was. In the future I can check the mileage on the car. The other thing I did was check our transponder for the toll road. It did not show the tolls for the days I am questioning. Sometimes it does take a few days. His cell phone indicates calls to his boss on both the days I was out of town at approximately the time he should be leaving for work. He said he was calling his boss from his cell as he does not know how to use the office phones--he has worked there for a year and makes outgoing calls as part of his job.
Needless to say he is very upset that I am doing this and is threatening to call me friends to check on my whereabouts when I go out. I told him that was ok because when I tell him I am someplace that is where I am, feel free to call.
I told him we need a mediator and suggested counseling. He does not want to go.
Guess I have to come up with a job that involves less travel.

Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 2/28/2010 5:02 PM (GMT -7)   
AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I hate liars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 2/28/2010 6:32 PM (GMT -7)   
What's going on Wife? Know that we are here for you during this difficult time.

Let us know what is going on.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 3/3/2010 2:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Not much is going on. Daughter did ok wiht her dad--better than expected. I am so angry with him I can barely function. We are trying to get to counseling but the one we wanted to see is cost prohibitive. So we are plodding thru.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 3/3/2010 3:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Wife,

Try to let your anger go so it doesn't make you more depressed. But follow through with the counseling. It can really change your life.

I hope that you are doing okay today. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18774
   Posted 3/3/2010 10:47 PM (GMT -7)   
keep looking. and as karen has said, we are here for you. i too do not like liars. glad things went well with daughter and dad, this is a positive sign. keep positive. healing compassion to you all.
jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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