i'm new...and feel like i have no where to go

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JJiggz
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 2/26/2010 8:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I am not too sure where to start without writing a novel...but I will try.
 
i'm already on anti-depressants for depression and anxiety.  but i'm at the point where i feel like they arent working.
 
i'm second guessing a lot of stuff in my life.  i feel like my parents like my older brother better because of all he's accomplished.  i feel like my boyfriend (of 2+ years) and i are drifting...but we probably aren't.  i hate my job, i hate my lack of money. i used to dance (i teach now) to help me get things out but i don't anymore.  i feel weak about admitting that i'm depressed.
 
lately i've been extremely emotional and brought to tears over almost anything.
 
i hate how my body looks (i've suffered from eating disorders before and in the past 2 years i've gained approx. 30 lbs).
 
i feel like i lack self-confidence.
 
there's probably so much more that i'm forgetting...but regardless, i am not sure what to do.  or where to start.  i want to go ot therapy again but i can't afford it and i doubt my parents will pay (i'm 25 and off their insurance).
 
if anyone had any words of suggestion, things i can try to help...anything at this point, i would appreciate the help more than you could know.

SLEEPY
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/26/2010 9:00 PM (GMT -7)   
I do not think crying is weak. I think it takes courage to do it. I don't often, and would welcome it at times. I think there is release and an ease to it.

I also think that any exercise is Ok, whatever it may be. Anything, small as it can be. Just some 5 minute deal that gives you a small smile, then go on to find a small laugh, and then go on to find some bigger laugh.

I think I have many things to be grateful for, and find it very hard to consider them when I'm blue. I don't think it inconsiderate of me, I know I'm trying, I know I want to be grateful, but I give myself a break by being patient with myself. It's not that I know I'm doing this. I can write about it when the idea occurs to me. As it does for this moment.

Smile for a moment, think of something that could give you a laugh. I'll try it too.

JJiggz
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 2/26/2010 9:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you....hearing from someone is actually what made me smile; and feel at ease. I have a hard time finding things to be grateful for when I'm down too. I think my major problem is that I push away my feelings until I'm all alone and then they hit me even harder. Being an anxious person makes me constantly think about a lot of stuff; using bad things. It's easier to be upset and down than happy.

I hope you found something to make you smile.

Maybe we/I/you could try to find one thing that was positive during the day and write it down...record it somehow. And eventually we could add more things per day...? Just a suggestion; not sure how well it will work, but I'm willing to try it if someone else is.

SLEEPY
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/26/2010 9:16 PM (GMT -7)   
I've had three days of writing so far this week. Today included. I didn't think I would do it, I've had problems with my wife reading what I write and getting on me about it. But, I'm doing it again, and I might throw the pages away or whatever I want to do. I can write something positive on mine. I'll let that be part of mine, so I'm willing.

It is good to be a part of something. Like this board.

We don't know each other, but we know our symptoms, and we know so much. Kind of odd, that... Knowing, and wanting to do things, having the ideas, but some block is there. For me, I have been turning my mind off for a long time. Then strangely enough, for about 5 years, thinking that my mind is waking up.

Take care, and be your own best friend.

It's easy to write these to others, and desire them upon you, I know there are some kind of blocks in our thoughts, or lack of thoughts, but, such as that may be, I do hope any of us will find some ease.

JJiggz
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 2/26/2010 9:37 PM (GMT -7)   
my good thing for today: finding this forum. maybe you could write one on here, or write it down and throw it away like you said. i dont know if you have more than one computer at your place, or an extra flashdrive, or something....that way you could write it down and it would be possible that she wont find it.

and it is odd that all these people are "strangers" yet we understand so much about each other; more than most of the people in their lives probably could...we all have something that ties us together. it's comforting; in an odd way.

i have always been able to help others before i help myself. for me; it's easier to help others...even if they're going through the exact same thing. hopefully this will all help both of us, and more...if there's anything else i can do (somehow) let me know....i'm a good listener.

and if you can't sleep, try melatonin. it's something you can by in the vitamin aisle. it is also something that is produced naturally by your body so you can't get addicted to it. for me, it helps relax my brain and lets me fall asleep. plus it shouldn't make you drowsy the next day.

SLEEPY
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/27/2010 6:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you JJiggz, last night I slept rather well. I think it has to do with just putting the trouble out there. My job, which I find hard to accomplish, is to let go of what burdens me.

Have a nice day.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 2/27/2010 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   
JJiggs, and Sleepy,

I would like to welcome both of you to the forum. I am glad that the two of you have hit it off. And remember this is a hard time of year, so that could have something to do with the way that you are feeling. Spring is on it's way and we have been having some sunny days. Not today though, bummer.

Writing things down is so therapeudic. I am glad that you thought of that. And exercise is good, even if it isn't a lot. Every little bit helps. I often walk and that makes for a better day.

Take care both of you. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JJiggz
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 2/27/2010 6:40 PM (GMT -7)   
sleepy,

my day has had it's ups and downs all day since i've woken up. i was in a great mood when i woke up and then i thought a friend of mine (who is also a best's friends bf) didn't want me to go with them somewhere; and it really bothered me.

i've been sleeping a lot lately. got about 10 hours last night and just took a nap...isn't too much like me.

hows your day going?
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