In a pickle and need quick advice

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 148
   Posted 3/1/2010 8:13 PM (GMT -6)   
We have this friend who is 51.  She lost her job in 2005 and has not worked since, but decided to stay home and care for her folks.  Her mom passed away several years ago from heart problems.  She is one of 6 kids, all but one who live here.  Her dad needs someone with him most of the time.  He is in his upper 80's.  We all really like this gal and for the most part, there isn't anything she would not do for others.   about a month and a half ago she got into it with her brother.  He said some things he should not have and she felt threatned so she called the police.  It is not the first time they have been called to her dad's house.  She does not get along with any of her sisters or brother.  The police came and from what I understand she would not shut up when they told her to and one thing led to another and they took her off to a psych hosp.  Was there for 9 days.  She said she never got any counseling.  Her sister filed a restraining order against her, for financial abuse of her dad.  Since she was not working, she thought nothing of spending her dads money and would buy off the internet and apparently has boxes of stuff that has never been opened.  She cannot be anywhere near her dad.  Her family put her up in an extended place.  She has to have counseling in order to come back home.  The problem is that all she does is constantly cries and blames her siblings for everything, taking no responsibility herself.  She refuses to get help because she does not feel she needs it.  She now blames her siblings for their mothers death and can't understand why they have done this to her.  She has been calling wanting to go out.  We don't know where she is getting the money.  Her family has been giving her a very limited amount of money, bring her food ect.  One time one sister brought her something from home and she took her cane and hit her sister and knocked the food out of her hand and it went all over the floor.  One friend said the last time they were at her place, the food was still all over the floor.  She is quite heavy and has problems walking and claimed she could never do any cleaning at her dads house.  I have heard from reliable sources you can barely walk around the house as there are boxes everywhere.   We do not want to go out with her because it means an evening of her litterally crying and complaining.  She called and left me a message tonite asking me to go out later this week and hopes we are not ignoring her.  I don't know how to respond.  We would go out with her if she would grow up and take responsibility for her actions and get help.  The past several years when we have gone out, a good part of the time she sits there and cry's about her siblings.  I hate to say it but noone wants to be around her.   She has sent me very hateful and rude e-mails she has sent to her siblings.  How do we deal with her?

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18563
   Posted 3/2/2010 2:57 AM (GMT -6)   
this is a tough one. she is no baby, although it seems she has a victim mentality. this is what i suggest:
1. if she can not adequately care for herself, then call the police for a welfare check. if they find that she is not caring for herself then a longer admission will happen, furthermore she then will be deemed unfit to return home, until she shows that she can cope. also the welfare people will be obligated to assist, therefore she maybe housed in a residential environment where she will receive appropriate care.
2. i would still be compassionate, maybe not the best to go out, i feel a letter or a call to advise her of the impeeding situation and that she needs assistance is the best way to go. i feel she needs direct help-and from the appropriate welfare agency in your area. to be cruel to be kind i would make an annoymous call if she fails to improve quickly.
my healing compassionate prayers to all. jamie. i hope this helps.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40402
   Posted 3/2/2010 10:28 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Jamie, that an anonomous (sp) would be in order. She could definately become harmful to herself or one of her family members. I know that you care about her a lot, but this is her problem, not yours. And with her sending you hateful letters, her mood could snap in a moments notice. Tread lightly with this. She definately needs help and intervention at this moment.

I hope that this works out for you Chelsi.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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