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Not_Okay
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/1/2010 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. My name is Dianne and I've been dealing with intermittent depression for six years. I am 49 years old and a mother of two grown "perfect" kids.
I was severely abused as a child. Sexually, physically,emotionally. I grew up and got married to a wonderful man, I thought the abuse was over. I was wrong. In 1989 a single man moved next door to us. He was (is) a bully. My husband and I reached out to our new neighbor. When my husband was around he was nice. But if he saw me in the yard alone he would make it his mission in life to verbally abuse me. He called me "Dirty", "Ugly", "Worthless", "Stupid"
and those are the nice things he said about me. So six years ago I had a breakdown. I became estranged from the woman who calls herself my "mother".
(The monster known to the world as my "father" is dead) I sought help from a wonderful, kind, caring Pastor. I credit him for saving my life. Now, my problem......The man who has reeked havoc on my adult life still lives next door to me. I finally got up the nerve to confront him two years ago. He has apologized, but I just can't get over the horrible things he said to me. He wants to be my friend......Is he kidding me? He is not stalking me or anything, but he deters me from going outside. Moving is out of the question for us. And I don't want to move. My kids grew up here. How do I stop hearing this man's words? How do I eliminate someone from my life when I see them so often?

Thanks for "Listening"......Dianne

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 3/1/2010 8:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dianne,

Remember you are just as important in this world as he is. You should not be afraid. I wouldn't trust him completely, but I wouldn't let what he said intimidate me. You have to put the past in the past and move on. Try to ignore his presence. Tell yourself he is nothing to you and go on about your life. You don't have to engage in conversation with him if you don't want to. And tell yourself his words are worthless, they can't hurt you anymore. You are a good person and worthy of a happy life. Don't let this person get to you. I am going to post a link to a poem that I think you would appreciate.

http://www.freewebs.com/crys/

The name of the poem is Desiderata.  I think that you will like it.  Really read these words.

And welcome to the forum!!!

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Not_Okay
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/2/2010 2:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for the kind words and beautiful poem Karen. It's nice to feel welcome.

Dianne

SLEEPY
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 3/2/2010 3:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Diane,

Do you have a fence? Maybe a high fence? A hedge would be good too, do you have one? Do your driveways connect or line up side by side? If you've codes, or rules where you live, could a few larger type bushes be planted? I'm suggesting a few proactive ideas, which you've probably thought about already. But, do you need encouragement to proceed? I sugget you do it.

Good for you to vent a bit. Best wishes.

Not_Okay
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/2/2010 8:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sleepy,

Thank you for your suggestions . Two springs ago I planted large bushes planted down the side of our joining yards. (I'm not sure what they're called. They get the little yellow flowers on them in the spring. I'm not much of a plant person) It will take a little time before they will be big enough so they join together and form a wall. Even just walking across the street to get my mail has become difficult. He seems to always be outside but I don't see him until it's too late. Then all the horrible names he called me come flooding back and my mood is affected for the rest of the day.


Dianne

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40602
   Posted 3/2/2010 8:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Dianne,

You really need to learn to not let him effect your mood. Yes it was traumatic at the time, but that was in the past. I really suggest counseling. You would learn how to cope with this now. Today, not yesterday.

I hope that your bushes grow nice and big so that it will block your view. But you do need to be able to be yourself and be happy whether he is around or not. You are living in a prison this way. Free yourself. Get some support.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen

The bushes sound like potentelia. Very pretty.
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 3/3/2010 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
hi, i am sorry he put you through that but he does seem remorseful and even apologized. maybe he was jealous or maybe he liked you but like a six year old he didnt know how to deal so he resorted to meanness. i think that your feelings are definitely validated but you need to let it go and try to become at least civilized so that you are at peace. you cannot let him effect your mood.

i had a issue with a manager, i know different situation but similar, who told me i am incompetent and worthless and he didnt like me. i had to work with this guy everyday and it was becoming miserable. well i went to my manager and asked for her opinions and she told me to go up to him and ask him what he thought i needed to work on and talk it out. so that is what i did. i went up and we talked and i took what he said and i made it work for me and now he says i am ready for assistant manager. well you cant do exactly what i did but maybe you need to sit him down and talk with him. find out why he said those things and let him know how it hurt you. then you need to work on a way that you can forgive him and be acquaintences. you dont have to be his friend but you can turn this around and make it a better situation and also learn from it. you will be living there a long time and he will be there for awhile and if you dont do something you will be afraid to go outside.

maybe you two can never be friends but you can at least let go of what he said. yes he was wrong but he did acknowledge that and you can take that and set yourself free of the burden of pain.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are

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