Post Edited (beyondloser) : 12/13/2004 9:35:37 PM (GMT-7)
I'm really happy you are posting. Things sound really hard for you right now. Just remember there are people here for you to talk to and things won't always be this way. It sounds like you are doing a great job with school and work. I'm rooting for you!
Mm. Sounds like you are learning the truth of the old Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times..."
On the plus side Danielle (I'm playing Pollyanna here folks , so I expect to get shot down in flames), that which does not destroy you makes you strong, so maybe you are going to end up with the emotional equivalent of a steroid-built character...handy in later life, just so long as you do have one. (I'd say I'm living proof - and I have the grey hairs to prove it. )
The one thing which really makes me feel you are a winner Danielle is that despite the kicks in the teeth, you keep picking yourself up. You keep trying to connect to people. That's a really priceless thing. Keep a hold of it. Don't let that light go out. It is what guides us in the darkness.
It's a truism, only because it is true - you haven't failed until you give up. It's easy to think that you are failing because you are not achieving your intended goals, or you are not feeling good about yourself. But in my experience, how life works is that much/most of the time you aren't succeeding at what you set out to do, or not at what seems important at the time; but failure is good training for success, because the bits you are getting right today, that you don't care about, will be essential components for success down the road. And there is nothing like a bitter lesson to kick you up the learning curve. People who seem to do things right naturally often come to grief when times get hard...they haven't learned how to develope the perspective that lets you cope with a crisis. I see this working with the homeless; some are people who come from nice stable backgrounds, had successful businesses, steady partners...then some illness or financial crisis hits and it all folds, because they literally have never learned to deal with such bad things.
Keep posting - your life is so much more exciting than mine, I'm dying to hear the next installment...hope it's a good one !