My sisters death

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Juliaa
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 131
   Posted 3/4/2010 7:05 AM (GMT -7)   
I was a "regular" on the lupus board up until 1 1/2 ago then my entire life was engulfed by the illness and following death of   my younger sister.  I have been bound  by all the pain the death brought to my life.  The manner of her death was a shock.  After caring for my sisters remains in a decent manner,funeral ect.  Months later my parents  “dumped” her belongings I hadn’t  previously dispersed at my home.  I am in so much pain.  I ache for the lack of love and respect for my sister.  Pain for failing my sister during her life, and now I am under the realization that I am only “wanted” when I can give what people need.  I have no one who truly loves me.  I am a cashier in life.  I have wasted my whole life and the only person who loved me is now gone.  All that is left is a sad excuse of a human being.   How was I captivatived by what I thought was love when I it was just people using me?  Is there any hope? I am so depressed.  I will take no answer as an answer, all the best.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 3/4/2010 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Julia,

I think people do love you, it is just at times they get selfish. You are a giver. And they know that. I think it is often just human nature to take. So please don't feel unloved. I am sure that your family sincerely loves you.

I am so sorry about your sister. Remember there is no rules when it comes to grief. It takes time and patience. Let it all out as you need to. There are no time limits here. Grieve and cry as you need. Crying is cleansing. It is good for us to do. There is no right or wrong way either. No formulas, no rules. Time does heal and it does take time.

Come here for support. As you need that rignt now. Take into consideration some grief counseling. You might need that right now. Know that we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


ttlittlestar
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 296
   Posted 3/4/2010 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
(((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))) Julia,
Sounds like there is a lot more to your story than you can express in just a few sentences. I am so very sorry for your loss. It is so very very hard to lose someone you love, and who loves you. And when you are not well yourself, it is extra hard because people seem to drift away from people who are sick. I lost my very best friend to cancer and lost pretty much the rest of my friends when I came down with Lyme disease and slept my life away for 2 years. What happened to your sister? And how are you feeling physically?

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18753
   Posted 3/4/2010 9:45 AM (GMT -7)   
my sincere condolences. take care of you. with healing compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


Juliaa
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 131
   Posted 3/4/2010 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   
I tried to help her, I tried so very hard. I gave her everything flew across the country it was just to late. She was depressed. Then she drank. Then she got cirrhosis, then pancreatic cancer no one, other then her knew until she passed.  She didn't tell anyone.  She just told me she was dying. She was in so much pain, I didn't know why. She had no insurance. She was 80 pounds. The pancreatic cancer was killing her and so was the pain. She self medicated and passed away.

Post Edited (Juliaa) : 3/4/2010 9:57:40 AM (GMT-7)


ttlittlestar
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 296
   Posted 3/4/2010 2:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow Julia. How awful for both you and your sister. How long has it been since you lost her? As far as taking care of yourself, if you are able to afford it, try to get a professional Swedish massage. There is just something about someone touching you for an hour that is amazing. Especially at those points in your life when it feels like you are all alone. We have a local massage school nearby and they have a student clinic that charges $35 for an hour massage. And in answer to your first post, yes there is always hope. This is not a board I normally post on. But with all the different categories and all the different topics, something or someone drew me to your post today so I could tell you that.

Juliaa
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 131
   Posted 3/4/2010 3:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for all your lovely and warm things to say.  My seizures have been getting worse over the last few months and it have been difficult with the lupus.  My sister passed in June but the wound keeps being opened by my family.  My only other sister didn't go to the funeral.  I arranged to "big" an affair, "it was upsetting".  She instead went to a wedding.  My trepidation about life extends from experience.  The profound realization  about my family came with  tardiness and a gullible heart.  And Star~ I will take it as hope.

Post Edited (Juliaa) : 3/4/2010 4:12:12 PM (GMT-7)


ttlittlestar
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 296
   Posted 3/4/2010 7:50 PM (GMT -7)   
With grief, the hardest period is typically from 6 months to a year after the death of a loved one. The first 6 months people are protected a bit in a state of shock and disbelief. The reality hits around the 6 month plus point. For it to feel like things are getting worse at his point is very hard to deal with, but very very normal. Logic tells you that you should be feeling better, and you actually feel worse. It is also doubly hard when you yourself don't feel well. All these "invisible" illnesses are hard for people to understand. On the outside you may look like yourself. But it is not how you feel. It can feel like you are a stranger to yourself at times. You can't do what you used to do or think like you used to think. It might feel like a piece of you left with your sister, but in time the best part of her will be alive through you.

MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 3/5/2010 1:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Dearest Juliaa , I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain , I know how difficult it can be .Please remember you are loved and cared about and have worth , because you do .Try not to focus on the actions of others so much , people act strangley sometimes in stessful situations like losing a loved one .Just know you gave love in an honorable way and that you cared , we can't ever tell what others will do . Have you tried speaking to a therapist Juliaa ? They can guide you thru stessful times and have done wonders for me I can tell you .Please try , don't isolate yourself , you sound like a loving person ,maybe you can volounteer helping somewhere ,it works wonders and is very fullfilling .And please remember you have friends here anytime .
HIV+ also Hep c , need hip replacement surgery on hold because of unknown but cellulitus-like ailment  .most pain from hip condition and cellulitus-like ailment .hands numb may have carpal tunnel syndrome now . Great frustration because doctors unable to diagnos ailment              .Medecines - Oxycontin , percocet ,  Celelbrex ,Avalox , lasix .


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18753
   Posted 3/6/2010 2:16 AM (GMT -7)   
yes to therapy!! and yes it really does help. it takes time too. healing compassion to you, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


Juliaa
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 131
   Posted 3/6/2010 3:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you again. This all began this week with the reading of her autopsy, I know shouldn't have, but had to have closer. She was and is a person who deserved my respect. I had to know how her life ended, as I had known how it began. In the seemly careless acts of my family. My husband said things that made me feel unloved.  I now know he was sad and angry about my sisters death too. Your words help me find that peace, thank you.  I am looking at my father mother ect and the lack of normal life we all had. I miss her. Thank you for all your advise, please know your words are a comfort.

Post Edited (Juliaa) : 3/6/2010 3:54:45 PM (GMT-7)


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18753
   Posted 3/6/2010 7:49 PM (GMT -7)   
we are here for you. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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