Don't know where to turn

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Bluehen
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/5/2010 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   
This is a first for me, and even writing anonymously is giving me anxiety. I don't want to bother anyone with my issues, because I'm sure other peoples issues are more important than mine. On the other hand, I need to at least write this out, assuming that in the end no one will care.
I guess that's how I feel, that there is no one in the world who would care if I am here or not.
I truly cannot find a reason to continue my life. I am 44 years old, I really have no friends. I am terrified of making friends for fear that they won't like me. Forget about trying a relationship, my marriage and control freak ex-husband have pretty much made me afraid of any relationship.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, but that's what I'm afraid will happen. I don't know how to change that. I have tried counseling, but it wasn't successful because I couldn't truly open up with my feelings. Again, because I was sure no one really wanted to hear my problems or care enough to want to help.  I tried church, with the same result.
The thought of being alone is too much to bear, but trying to open up and get the help I need causes me so much anxiety I can't bring myself back to that.  There really is no alternative.
Now, at least someone out there knows how I feel,  so maybe I won't feel completely alone in the end.
Good night.

willowsgrandma
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 3/5/2010 7:26 PM (GMT -7)   
blush eyes rolleyes redface cool hi bluehen! well my time is 8:12 pm and i have been taking a couple of surveys online. sorry you're feeling so down. well i'll tell you a little about myself. i'm 62 yrs. old with 2 grown sons and a precious little grand daughter, Willow. my sons live 3 hrs. away. i live with my little maltese Laci. she'll be 14 yrs. old march 9. i live in a small town in east texas. my sister and older brother and my Mom all live here. i suffered a spinal cord injury last jan. followed by surgery then a diagnosis of reflwx sympathetic dystrophy. you might look it up on line if you're curious. i know how you feel as far as getting into a relationship. i have been married and divorced twice. i have been alone for almost 20 yrs. gosh that's a long time. i'd like to be your friend. we could chat. are you taking antidepressants? i've taken them for soooo long. well i'll check this forum later on. if you want to chat just let me know. take care. Donna eyes blush turn tongue yeah smurf

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18773
   Posted 3/6/2010 1:46 AM (GMT -7)   
hi bluehen, jamie here. i feel a chat with your doctor, re: anxiety/depression will be very beneficial for you. there are excellent treatments to help with them both. you deserve happiness and to acheive the things you want to acheive in life. you have been brave in posting, i really hope you contine. the members are very caring and understanding. we care about you!! sending healing compassion to you. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/6/2010 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi bluehen,

I just wanted to welcome you to the board and give you a (((hug))). You are a valuable and good person. Hang in there and seek out some help.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


wantin2bhappy
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/22/2010 4:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Bluehen,
I understand. I read through a lot of posts & felt like I had no right to feel depressed. It's my fault I'm alone. I realize that, but can't seem to do anything about it. I say I want to have a relationship with my family, I want to develop friendships, I want to find love, but I do everything I can to make sure none of that happens. I am a product of my childhood & my past relationships. I am able to have a very close relationship with my sons (13 & 14) & I can go to work & be successful to some extent but that's as far as I have gone & fear I will ever go. I have never tried counseling. I believe I know why I do what I do. I just don't know how to stop doing it. I thought if I tried this I could be completely honest - but I've typed & deleted almost an entire paragraph. Just afraid to share the ugly truth I guess.
Please talk to me - maybe we can help each other?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 3/22/2010 5:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Wanting,

I just wanted to pop in and welcome you to the forum. It is easier to talk to people that don't know who you are. It is for me anyway. I hope that you find support here and I am glad that you are offering support. Keep posting. If you would like, you can start an introductory thread and let us know a little about you. That is totally up to you. I hope that you have a good evening.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18773
   Posted 3/23/2010 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
hi wanting, jamie saying hi. hoping you feel better soon. me, male and 37. dx, severe borderline personality disorder and MDD.
with healing compassion 2 you. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


BillyJean
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 3/23/2010 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi all.

I'm new to the forum.

Replying to bluehen. I'm sorry to hear you're in pain. I came to this website last night when I was feeling terribly alone. Only a few people were here at the time, but I had some company and felt better. As someone said earlier in this forum. Maybe we can help each other by sharing and listening.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 3/23/2010 2:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi BillyJean,

Welcome to the forum. Yes you have a good idea, we can all help eachother. That is what it is all about. And you will find that there is a lot of support here.

I hope that you are having a good day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18773
   Posted 3/25/2010 3:17 AM (GMT -7)   
here, here to that karen!!! jamie. hoping you feel better: bluehen, wanting, karen and BJ. and to all on this forum. with compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


Liddlesadie
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/25/2010 8:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Do not feel afraid to tell your issues. Just think of how many people are in the world. You are not alone!!!!! and people will care. That is what I was scared of coming on here but I got replies to the thing I was scared of telling.
I recently moved and I do not really know anyone here except for my husband.. so if I need out of the house I really dont have anyone to go with when hes at work. But there are friendly people that Im sure would talk to me, im just scared. but so are they. I think everyone is scared of being alone, but there is sooo many people ... like a loooot of people on earth. We are all sharing the world together, and we all have similar fears, feelings. We are human and we have a connection with everyone.
I don't feel alone when I think of how many people I could talk to if I just got the guts. I thought Its a "me" problem... but when I read this... it makes me not feel like Im not the only one who is scared to go out and talk to people. So you are not alone... you just have a very common fear.

I felt better when I typed out my feelings. Don't be afraid to post because there are people that will reply and yes, we will care what you have to say and try to help the best we can!

Take Care!
Sadie
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