Not Sure What To Do

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lostandconfuzzled
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/6/2010 3:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I been fighthing depression and anxiety for most of my life..Im 26..mental illness runs in my family..my grandmother had it and my mom has it..my mom actually has been hospitalized several times because of it...I have been abused sexually, and emotionally for most of my life.. ... ..I feel like no one understands me and what I have/going thru..I know there is people out there that have it worse then me and my heart goes out to them..but I cant help what I feel...I used to go to counselling when I was in school because mom didnt know about it..I always had to "get over it"...and I was always "too sensitive"..now that Im not in school anymore and because of many turns of events I am now back at home and my mom doesnt believe in counsellting or therapy so I am unable to go..I dont drive and I live in the middle of nowhere...I have been on anti depressants and they work but mom found out I was on them and took them away..life is so stressful right now..and being stuck here at home with hardly no friends cuz I cant go anywhere and no help (therapy, pills) has really brought me down..I feel like sometimes the only way out is suicide..but I dont really want to do that because I know I can get better just not sure how..I been saving all my pennies so I can move far away from here..its giving me a yucky feeling inside..I felt that maybe if I posted this maybe someone would read it..not expecting anything back really..just helps that I am writing out my feelings and maybe someone would read it..that in itself makes me feel better knowing that someone is reading/listening to what I have to say..even if it does sound lame..I never done this before with the forums..I go the different chat rooms for company but its not the kind of company Im looking for..they wont talk to you unless you have a picture..and when I put a picture up all they want is something else..I know Im not an ugly woman but I dont think Im all that great..however I dont think that kind of attention is what I need right now..Im sure I have probably said too much..thank you for reading..

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 3/6/2010 9:41:07 AM (GMT-7)


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18762
   Posted 3/6/2010 5:19 AM (GMT -7)   
hi i am jamie, male and 37. why has your mum taken your medication? and how? your doctor has prescribed them for you. if this continues i would seek some assistance, this is illegal. just because her experiences may have been not productive dosen't mean the same for you. suicide is not meant to be discussed on this forum, but i sense you need some support, thus i am going to say that it is not the answer. it is a dark road i have traveled, it is very ugly. at this point in time i feel very strongly that you need to away from mum, emergency housing, whatever. you need your medication, thus these feelings will lesson. i have been hospitalised 28 times, did a six month inpatient stay, 7 plus yrs of therapy and had 6 courses of treatment. (ECT). -without this, well...........my advice would be to speak with your mental health team immeditely, and advise them of what you have posted. trust me, they will arrange stuff very quickly. i am worried for you. because you do not have your medication. hey, you are a precious human being of this earth, you deserve every happiness as well as the next person. please seek some immediate assistance. i care as we all do here. if around pls post. i need to know that your safe. healing compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/6/2010 9:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi lostandconfuzzled,

Welcome to HealingWell and the depression board. It's a good group. I hope you find the support you're looking for!


We don't discuss suicide on this board, so i had to edit your post. Sorry about that. But what you're discussing is very serious. Your mom taking your pills is more than just interfering, it's abusive. You're an adult and able to make medical decisions for yourself. You need to find a way to get back to the doctor and get more medication if it worked.


serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

Post Edited (serafena) : 3/6/2010 9:42:42 AM (GMT-7)


lostandconfuzzled
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/6/2010 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi nice to meet you both..I guess I should have read the do's and don'ts and I apologize for that..My mom has been taking them because she feels that they mess up your body even more...I confided in her and told her some of the things that I was going thru and that I felt I needed help..I had told her that I was on the pills and she came in and took them..I have a meeting with a friend today..we have been close for a really long time and he has a lot of the same struggles I have with depression and anxiety..he had offered to drive me to the doctors next week to get more meds and Im gonna hide them and not tell my mom.it doesnt make me feel good that I have to be sneaky and go behind her back.but I need to do this to better myself..thank you for your kind words and concern Jamiee and sharing with me a bit of what you have gone through and your experiences..I also believe that every human being is precious on this earth and also know that I care too..I have a hard time opening up to people I dont know..it takes me a long time to find a counselor that I trust..at the moment I dont have one because the ones that I have met I havent felt comfortable with..I believe that these forums will help because I dont feel threatened and I am able to share some of my feelings any time and thats been a good feeling..and reading what other people are going through makes me realize that I am definitely not alone......lostandconfuzzled

Godschick
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 3/6/2010 12:40 PM (GMT -7)   
That is right hon....
You are not alone, there are other people who are going through some stuff as well...
Like me, I am going through some stuff....
If you read the post "it's me again" then you will know what I am going through at the moment...
 
from sarah

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18762
   Posted 3/6/2010 7:52 PM (GMT -7)   
we are here for you. and we care. all the best, am glad that you will be back on your meds soon. with compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


lostandconfuzzled
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/6/2010 9:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I have another question...just looking for some advice....I have this really good friend and we have known each other for 8 years now..we went to school together and used to hang out all the time then we lost contact....then I have been talking to him for the last year or so..he knows most of what I been through and he says he wants to be there for me and feels he can really help me out..he lives out of town about 4 hours away..however lately I been telling him deeper stuff and I been hurt so much in the past so I was reluctant to tell him so much..he sensed that I wasnt telling him everything and he felt that when I did that I was pushing him away..so I explained why I did that and I apologized..so I told him more...but now he hasnt returned any of my messages or phone calls for like 3 days..and I saw him online today he said he was just too busy...do you think I did something wrong? that maybe I did push him away? i hope this all makes sense :S

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18762
   Posted 3/6/2010 11:21 PM (GMT -7)   
maybe needs a bit of time to absorb the info. hang in there. with compassion. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


lostandconfuzzled
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/7/2010 8:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I believe your right Jamiee..that makes sense...you know you are a very inspiring person..would be a priviledge to have a conversation with you one day.

Ok so now that I havent been taking my pills for a couple of weeks now I have definitely noticed a lot of changes not for the good..so that is just reaffirming that I need meds at this time..this last week has been paticularly (cant think straight enough to spell right at the moment) tough on me..have had lots of crying episodes and negative thoughts go thorugh my brain...and a lot of stress..I was taking Effexor 37.5 mg and I have been getting lots of migraines/headache..but the last few days and especially today I have noticed that I have shortness of breath and my vision goes blurry..could this be the emotions that I am going through or the withdrawals of the meds? or little of both..Im asking because I never experienced this before and I am hoping that someone out there has..

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18762
   Posted 3/7/2010 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   
i had blurred vision when my meds were away from me. lady was in hosp, meds 600k's away!!! time to reinstate the meds asap. hey, LAC, you are welcome to e-mail me. details avail in my profile. cheers, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 3/8/2010 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey LAC,

Where are you? Is everything okay?

Just wondering, you haven't posted. We are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


lostandconfuzzled
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/9/2010 1:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Karen...Ive never had this much support before..its almost overwhelming in a way sometimes...in a good way..I am ok..I have doctor appt tomorrow to get my meds and try this again..a friend of mine is going to take me while my mom is at work..I dont like being sneaky but its the best thing for me..I need to get this under control so I can start being at peace..I still have shortness of breath, blurred vision headaches hopefully doc can help me with all that tomorrow..will post tomorrow evening and let you know how it went..thank you all for your kind words and compassion it really means a lot to me..

lostandconfuzzled
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/9/2010 2:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I know Im writing again gosh! Well I was right about my friend ...he says I should seek help elsewhere because he doesnt know how to deal with me...Im really mad and frustrated because I didnt listen to my gut feeling...everytime I open up to someone fully like that they always run away...I completley understand and for some reason Im not mad at him Im mad at myself..i know he kept persisting to tell him more..and I shouldn't not have...its situations like this is why I always keep everything bottled up inside...it makes me sad that my friends say that they will be there for me then they arent...maybe im just too senstive and expect too much Im not sure :S

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18762
   Posted 3/9/2010 4:08 AM (GMT -7)   
when you are at peace with you, i feel others will be too. some people do not fully understand depression. all the best with your appt. time for you to heal, and to take care of you. with compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 3/9/2010 9:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lost,

I am glad that you posted, I guess there are a lot of people that don't understand depression, I often don't open up completely. You will discover where the line is drawn, what to say and what to keep to yourself. But know that here you can be open and we do not judge you for anything. We all have been there and understand what you are going through.

Good luck with your appointment. I have psychologist appointment next week myself. I always feel better afterwards. I know that you will too.

Take care, keep in touch.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


lostandconfuzzled
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/10/2010 6:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Just an update I been to the doctor I was able to get my meds back..its such a relief..he also wrote me refills for enough that will last me a few months so I feel better about that...we also talked about different treatment centers but I am still deciding..not really sure how I feel about the whole thing..I like the idea of it but I dont like the idea of leaving my puppy behind for 4-6 weeks she is my rock...I dont know what I would do without her..if it wasnt for her I be in my room all the time.or at work..but with my pups I take her out and we go for walks..I have felt a whole better since I got her last May..animals are amazing..she is always by my side which makes me feel at ease and comforted..Just wanted to let you all know what happened with the doc..and im gonna leave my meds in a place where no one can find them this time.and no one knows except me and all of you lol that I have them :) This site has really helped me and thank you to all of you for your healing words..will keep in touch

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18762
   Posted 3/10/2010 9:49 PM (GMT -7)   
good, good, good. friends and family brought my pup in every so often, some actually encourage it. definately ask. u are sounding much better. good on the doc for those refills. hide them where she would never look!!! well done with ya doc, you have done well. peace to ya, jamie. ps, this has made my day!!!
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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