Lost with no direction

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

JordanG
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/8/2010 12:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi my name is Jordan, I'm 20 and I've been fighting depression for a little over a year now. I've always been a sensitive person and always wore my heart on my sleeve. For many years I've been fighting the feelings of sadness and turmoil but for the past year its been the roughest in my life. Two years ago I moved away from my hometown to go to college and ever since have felt isolated, anxiety-ridden, and down right lost. about a year ago my long time girlfriend of 5 years ended up getting into a motorcycle accident almost killing her. At the time of hearing this tragic news from a friend I was told that she had gotten into the accident with her current boyfriend. This of course broke my heart having to hear from hundreds of miles away that my girl was possibly dying and with someone else. They both ended up recovering and have been together ever since. Ever since then I've been plagued with constant sadness, disassociation, thoughts running through my head at ever minute in the day, no sleep, no appetite, no motivation for anything whatsoever, lack of concentration,etc. You could pretty much go down the DSM manual and check everything in the depression category. I also have anxiety. Going to school is a major part of my day as the feeling of anxiety just runs right through me and controls me and going pretty much anywhere else still gives me tunnel vision and thoughts go racing. These feelings of anxiety keep me in my house and when I am out I try to get home as soon as possible. I have panic attacks a few times a week and it pretty much sucks not being able to control it. There are other pressures in my life including my family which is a whole list of material in itself, but I know the root of this depression stems from the loss of my ex. We had both been through many good times and bad but at the end of the day I know I loved this girl and had a future planned with her. I had just talked to her a little earlier before writing this post which had been the first time in months and shes completely in love with her new bf. Im glad she is happy and I could wish for nothing more but it kills me that shes happy with someone else. It feels childish to come on here and say that losing your gf at only 20 makes me feel this way and for so long, but I pretty much grew up with this person through the past 6 years and means everything to me. Ive taken prescriptions for both illnesses and they both gave me more depression, more anxiety, I don't really know where to turn. I know I have to let go and move on but I dont know how to do that with a person that I saw spending the rest of my life with.. How do you let go of someone that was the reason you're happy and that made life worthwhile. I know I'm young and I have so much life left to live and so many more people left to meet in this world, but at this very moment, hope seems sparing and life seems rather meaningless. I want to be happy but where do you find happiness? How do I get rid of these feelings of remorse and worthlessness? Do I have a reason to be depressed over this or am I just being nieve and co-dependent or should I remain fighting for the person that I truly care about? helpppp and sorry for such a long post

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18761
   Posted 3/8/2010 12:38 AM (GMT -7)   
hi jordan, jamie here, male 37.
 
sorry about the accident with your ex. and it is sad that you found out that she is with another in this way. since a lot of time and love had been present in your former relationship i can understand that you are hurting. life is a journey, things happen, things change. some periods are great and fulfilling whilst there are times that suck, sadly this is life. i think it is pertinant that you discuss with your dr regarding your symptoms and anxiety. i am sure that with professional help you will get back on track soon. you have been brave in posting your situation, and i am sure that other members will post to offer you support soon. hang in there, i can tell that you are a nice person, and in time things will change (in the positive) for you. keep safe, and seek some assistance. with compassion,
jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


JordanG
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/8/2010 12:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for responding Jaime. With you being 37 and having experienced almost double the life experience of me what is your outlook on this situation? Am I wrong for wanting things to change, are my wishes nieve and am I holding on to something I shouldnt be? Ive experienced other relationships but Ive never felt this way toward anyone, and I know it wasn't just a honeymoon stage feeling considering Ive known her for years. I don't believe the concept of "soul-mates" really exists but how do you completely forget about something your mind truly feels is real?

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18761
   Posted 3/8/2010 1:04 AM (GMT -7)   
it is not about forgetting. it is about the letting go. this is the hard bit. i have been there. life is all about experiences, also it is about learning, and this lesson is a tough one. by living in the past, you make it hard to live in 'the here and now'. healing compassion to you. jamie
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


lostandconfuzzled
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/8/2010 1:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jordan Im 26 (female) and I completely understand what your going thru...dont ever think that your feelings maybe "childish".I felt that way too but now I realize that its ok to feel what I feel..because they are your feelings and they make who you are..and I can tell from reading your post that you have a good spirit, very passionate and you are a good person..Im very sorry to hear about your ex..I had a similar situation in the past..I know all these feelings that you have are very overwhelming..but everything takes time and you will be able to sort out your feelings.just like Jamiee suggested professional help will definitely benefit..it cant hurt right...I sense that there is more and like you said this is just the root..Im always here to offer you support as the rest of us are..take care of yourself.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 3/8/2010 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jordan,

These guys are right, if you love something let it go. If it is yours it will come back to you. If it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be. You have to let go of her and let her live her life. I know that this is hard, but you have learned from this experience and that is a lesson. You have loved and you were happy. That is a good memory.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


SLEEPY
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 3/9/2010 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Jordan,
I'm male in my late 40's. I've also been to university, but not exactly the way you are. My point is to express that I know the isolation feeling. It took a while but I did eventually find somewhere to hang out and found at least a few people to hang with. My eventual problem was too much drinking when I had the opportunity. Not that I could drink much, I had a low tolerance, though I'm a tall person. I liked it as a distraction from my shyness. I make this point to give you a chance that I ignored. That being the distraction I took most often ended up being a major problem not too much later.

One thing I did not have at my disposal was medication. I think you can find something that might help eventually. I have as of about 8 years ago. It took a while to find what worked. I noticed others here discuss their reactions. That's a good idea. You've mentioned that your particular medication has caused an increase in symptoms and not calmed them. That is not the mix I would want. I hope you've somewhere to go at the university to express your concern and that they have the means to show you other medication options. I know that the large university I went to had that kind of offering, but I don't know about smaller ones?


You've had a loss Jordan. I hope you will get some time to heal, and it might include a journal or meditation. I have been trying to read more, it helps a bit. You invested a lot of time in the last relationship, and now you've not had expectations met. That is never easy. You've found that you can write here, and that is good. Some day you'll find you can work on other things as well. It is a journey and in a way we're in this together. That is, there are those around you who may be good for you, and you'll find them sooner or later.

Good luck.

JordanG
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/10/2010 10:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Well I go to a very large university, the 6th largest in the country as far as populace but with the depression and anxiety it makes it hard to connect with people mentally. I appreciate all your comments and your advice is right. I need to appreciate the time I did have. Letting go is my biggest challenge and I think writing like this is the only way to learn how to do that. Expressing who I really am to people is often a battle and when I see people communicating what they truly feel on this forum and allowing myself to do the same it takes this huge weight off of me. I have a problem with accepting that I have no control of other peoples free will. Its so egocentric and I wish I wasn't that way, but hearing from people more experienced in life than I, helps me realize what aspects of my life and my personality I should be focused on molding and I greatly appreciate it.
I just have one question though.. When you guys are on your meds and they are working, do you truly feel happy? Or does it just get you through the day?

Thanks for your time guys

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18761
   Posted 3/11/2010 12:11 AM (GMT -7)   
very good question, i will answer for me jordan. it helps me remain happier and moreso when i acheive it!! happiness for me is the expression of my heart-thus i can be happy regardless-yeah dulled a bit, but when i am happy from my heart and it is a good day the meds certainly give that happiness an extra boost. ps, i am happy for you, from my heart, and this happiness always allows for free facial expression, and i have my cheeky grin going for you!! lol. ps, i see some excellent self-actualization going on with you. well done jordan. jamie
 
smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 3/11/2010 10:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that I am truly happy on my meds too. But I think a lot of it is the way that I think, which I have learned from reading and counseling. I truly try to appreciate things, and I don't expect too much out of life in general. A lot of it comes from within, but I don't think I would have gotten here without the meds.

I hope that you can achieve this too.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, December 07, 2016 9:13 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,466 posts in 301,216 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151332 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Blueswoman.
300 Guest(s), 12 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
DQueen, Bloom93, jdcd57, mspt98, time2reclaim, aloha234, sam12, Red_34, Yarbo3, Gram4plus, Mister Mike, julymorning


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer