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AJ
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 677
   Posted 3/10/2010 3:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi everyone,

 

I hope I can share this forum with you all. I haven’t posted anything recently, but I am from the Ulcerative Colitis corner of the world. There was a time that I was extremely sick and found this site and it helped immensely knowing I could talk to others that were going thru what I was. I'm hoping this one can help, too  :)

 

I recently broke up w/my fiancé.  He had Bipolar disorder but I was with him through thick and thin for nearly a year. We were even trying to get pregnant.  A little over a year ago, I got a DUI. It took so long to go through the system that it came full circle right about January. He had been through a lot, trying different meds, etc. We both worked for the ame company as independent contractors, but in November we lost our biggest (and only) account with a promise to re-sign in February, after their fiscal ended.  A few days before we were to go back, the contract got pushed back again. We hadn't looked for jobs because we made great money and had enough savings to last thru Feb.  So, on our last stretch of money, we get the news ad had to figure something out quick.  In a strange stroke of luck, we didn't know that the (expensive) house we were renting and were trying to get out of the contract, had been in foreclosure the whole time we were there. So one morning we found a notice taped to the house saying it was going to be auctioned off that next month. Our money problem was solved but we needed a place to stay with 2 cats and 2 dogs. We had lived with his mom before and she loves me, but apparently, according to him, me being under house arrest just wouldn't work. It seemed to me he didn't want to live with me. So I put some feelers out - I suggested that he and his 2 dogs stay with his mom and I and my 2 cats would stay with my parents until my house arrest was done (about 2 months).  He jumped on it, and held onto that choice as if he was a pit bull; thinking of every excuse for any other option I threw out there. It seemed strange to me - we're engaged, and have already lived together a year, and now we're going to live apart? He claimed he'd have time to work on himself, and his gut just told him he had to do it alone, I kind of figured he would need to do it alone because he was going to be alone? No, he was supposed to be marrying me. I was so confused. Anyway, still confused, I am so sad, I miss him for some reason, I know I am tired and I can’t sleep. I don’t know what to do with myself.  L


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 3/10/2010 4:13 AM (GMT -7)   
hi aj, so sorry for your situation. seems like he is using this as an excuse to be apart. working on a relationship, in my book and eyes is done together. healing compassion. i do hope things work out for the best. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


Queen of the Colon
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 143
   Posted 3/10/2010 6:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey I am from the UC board too,

Yes, it does sound like that man really does intend to leave you. I am sorry but that is what it sounds like.

I don't know anything about relationships, i just got my first boyfriend in 8 years

I wish you very good luck i hope you find somebody new.

The best thing i find is just to move away. new place, new job - then you don't think about them. And for the UC, probiotics helped me go into remission. I took 5 different types, morning and night. the refrigerated ones from the chemist.
Female, 35. Diagnosed December 2009 after 4 months of pain, blood and mucous.
sulfasalazine prescribed but never taken as my flare went away with small liquid meals, probiotics and vitamins.


AJ
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 677
   Posted 3/13/2010 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much for your replies. I know sometimes it's tough to hear the truth but that is what I would rather hear no matter what.

I am getting by, day by day it seems just a tiny bit easier. I actually am doing a big switch, new job, new place to live, etc. I do want to date, but my mom says I should learn to be happy on my own. i can be happy on my own, I just prefer being in a relationship - just like some people prefer to be single. nd, when I am in a relationship, I am a pretty good partner - of course there are arguments, etc., but I am very good to the one I am with and try to be non-judgemental. I was talking to a psychiatrist who says I show signs of codependency, which I'm sure is common and I don't argue that, however I am just wondering what it is that I'm doing wrong - I don't think it's bad to be as good as I am to my partner, I'm not overly nice or the typical make-exuses-for-him type, but I'd love to know if there's a good website, book, etc. out there? I'd llike to start a new relationship, but of course don't want it to end badly.

Not sure what i should do?


nasalady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 1176
   Posted 3/13/2010 6:10 PM (GMT -7)   
There's a saying that "if you're not sure what to do, don't do anything!"

In other words, if you're not sure if you should pursue another relationship right now, or even date casually, then DON'T. If you really felt good about the idea of starting to date again, then you wouldn't be asking strangers on the Internet what to do, you would just go ahead and date.

Take a break here....you just got out of a serious relationship and from what you've said, you're not even certain why it failed. Don't you think it would be nice to take some time to think about it and maybe take a closer look at yourself in the process? Talking to a counselor of some sort might be a good thing.

Also, you're in the middle of some BIG changes...new job, new place to live, etc. You do need time to settle in and feel settled and secure and happy in the state you're in (i.e., single) before you start dating again.

And you might look at it from another perspective as well: if you're a happy person, that is, happy all by yourself, independent of whether you're in a relationship or not, you're more attractive to other people. It's not attractive to be obviously the clingy type, "hungry" for a relationship. I think that's what your mom is trying to say.

Good luck with everything!!
Lyme Disease, Babesiosis, Ehrlichiosis, AIH, Hashimoto's, lupus, fibro, RA, celiac disease, asthma, psoriasis, Raynaud's, hypertension, osteopenia, sleep apnea, RLS, GERD, DDD, L3-4 and L4-5 radiculopathy -> severe lower back pain, cubital tunnel, tarsal tunnel, Doxycycline, Zithromax, Prednisone, Imuran, Plaquenil, Lyrica, Cymbalta, Levothyroxine, Atenolol, Cozaar, Zyrtec, Fosamax, Albuterol, Prilosec, CPAP

autoimmunediseasesgfliving.blogspot.com


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 3/13/2010 8:28 PM (GMT -7)   
There is a book out there called "codependant no more". I am sure that you would find it helpful. I can't remember the author, but I remember reading it in the ninties, I think. It has been so long. But I really think you would benefit by reading it.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 3/14/2010 4:06:24 AM (GMT-6)


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18746
   Posted 3/14/2010 1:57 AM (GMT -7)   
one day at a time. keep well, keep safe and trust your instincts. time is a wonderful healer. keep posting, we are here for you. healings, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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