I don't think I have ever felt so helpless.
I am being so difficult.
4 people in my family suffer from depression. I happen to be one of them. Or so they think.
I don't sleep at night, I have gained like... 20 pounds. I feel like a freaking monster.
Like I am the most hideous person ever, inside and out.
I need to take sleeping pills. They don't even help. I lost my job. And no where is hiring in my town. I live on my own and its getting so darn hard to even want to get out of bed in the morning. Its like there is no point in anything, anymore. I don't care about
anything but my puppy. I could care less if I lost all my friends, and my boyfriend of 2 years. He's been trying so hard to help me.
I don't know why I even came to this site. I shouldn't tell people these things.
Especially not on a public website. Aaahh screw it.
Seeing me in person you would never know that I want to myself every day of my life. I act happy all the time. That doesn't help. I myself for 4 years. I haven't done it in 2 years. But it is getting more and more tempting each day.
It doesn't even help much. I already have disgusting scars from it.
I tried to myself once. It was not for attention. My family was actually gone for the weekend.
I can't even do that right, apparently.
I don't know. I need someone to tell me this is normal.. well. As normal as it can be.
I don't eat anymore. But I am still getting fat. I don't understand. I used to write. Now I can't. Everyone and everything makes me angry. I never leave my house. I will go days and days without seeing the sun.
I think I drink too much. My parents are alcoholics. Does that stuff get passed on? Sometimes I drink alone.
I love rum.
Maybe I'll go pour myself a drink.
I hope nobody reads this. Its not like there is anything that can be done. I just wish I knew what would help.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/23/2010 5:31:35 AM (GMT-6)