hello and thanks in advance. i am having some serious problems with my wife. she has told me that she has hate inside of her for me and she feels empty., that she knows she loves me but doesnt feel it. she says that i have neglected her and she is scared by some of the things that i have done. i am guilty but i love her more than anything. my job is very stressfull as i run clinics for kids and work 87 hours a week.. i get home every night around 10:30 and work 28 hr weekends dealing with 500 kids and the parents and that number is no joke. i fell into a pattern of coming home eating din at 11 and going to sleep, we did have relations but far and few between. hour kids are always sick with common colds and our youngest has been in the hospital both years with pneumonia each time for 5 days one of the twins also had it. its been crazy but we got through it.
the neglect is from the patteren i fell into and the scars are from 5 fights we had in the last 10 yrs, the worst fight of me forgetting her birthday. i am at fault, and i have seen my mistakes and i am so sorry. this all has been a life changing experience for me and i have changed, as everything i see is so clear. this has been going on for 2 months and i am besides myself i have lost 22 lbs. the clients i see all have noticed my weight loss, they ask me how i did it and i tell them im just eating healthy when its a broken heart diet.
i never wanted to hurt her shes the last person i would hurt. and i feel that everything that i have done is so amplified in her head. she has said the most hurtful things to me that i cannot mention, she is bringing up things from long ago that i never realized but are really not bad, she will not kiss me or sleep in the same bed.
i have tried everything to say i was sorry and she knows i am, but she still keeps her distance. i dont know what to do! i tried to be affectionate and it may have made things worse. i am now backing off but i feel like thats how i got here in the first place, what do i do???
4 weeks ago i told her that i loved her and how this has changed me, she went nuts and was yelling and shaking, she went into a fetal pos on the couch and i calmed her down... i was scared. we have only spoke about us one time after that and she said she still has hate for me and she is confused.
the last month we put our problems to the side and are talking good. she has talked about the improvments she wants to do to our house and yesterday we refinanced our mortgage so we can do the things we want to. she has also said she wants to get a cleaning lady next year. but still no affection no kiss and i am still on the couch... whats going on with her?
she is seeing a psycologist and has been there 3 times, i have went twice.. we go separate to the same person.
last thing.. she is working gets up at 6:45 and most of the time gets home at 9... we have a few babysitters and its stressful for the both of us being away from the kids. someone told me we need to go on a vaca but she will not go for it.