Depression brought on by infidelity and divorce

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La Bella 1
New Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/25/2010 4:26 PM (GMT -6)   
I am not certain where I should start; I am a long-time sufferer of mild depression - it has generally been controlled with low doses of antidepressants prescribed by general physician.  
Description of situation:  approximately two years ago my husband of eight years and I decided to separate.  Almost immediately he decided he had made a mistake and wanted to continue to try.  He did not move back in.  After about six months, he was deployed and, during this time, we remained married.  I didn't go out of my way to relieve any stress or anxiety he was feeling during this time as 1. I wasn't sure what my role should be and 2. I was raising two kids and working full time without any support (that left little time for anything else).
Anyhow, he returned last October and we decided we would try to work it out.  We spent the holidays together.  Things were not perfect; I was much more hesitant than he, but we were getting along well.  Then, approximately a month and a half ago, he decided he was done.  I begged him for another chance and lost all dignity THREE TIMES.  A week and a  half ago, I found naked pictures of my daughters daycare provider in his email (I was not snooping; he left it open on MY computer and forgot to sign out.....I mistook it for my account). 
I am reeling; I don't understand how someone who claims to have concern for another person could be so cruel.  This girl watched my daughter in my home and it didn't ever occur to him that it might not be the best idea to send your mistress to your wife's home to watch your daughter.  And through all of this he is angry with me; he thinks I've been horrible to him.  We don't speak, the divorce papers are nearly complete, and although I won't ever forgive him his behavior and I don't think I want him to return, I am devastated.  I am functioning only because I have to; if I could stay in bed and cry all day I would do it in a heartbeat.
I have an appointment with a therapist but it won't occur until mid-April.  How does one cope?  I don't even know what the specific trigger of my current state was.  I don't love him (in all honesty, I'm not certain I ever did); all I know is I am on the verge of tears every five minutes and I obsess over the whole situation (conversations play over and over again in my head, etc.).  I can barely work, barely take care of my kids and my whole family is sick of listening to me lament over it.  My behavior is disgusting; I'm not certain I was aware how mean I could be.....and all I wish for right now is his complete and utter destruction.
I don't know where to turn.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 3/25/2010 4:44 PM (GMT -6)   
i think you are more angry over the fact that he was with the daycare provider. was she a liscensed daycare provider? if so then i would report her as this is very unethical for her to do and she will do it again. i think at some point, if not now, you do love him and that is why you are devastated. i dont know why you guys decided to seperate in the first place but i think you need to do your grieving first and then figure out a way to move on. remember you have kids that depend on you and you need to get your life on track. kids feed off of your emotions. good luck
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40404
   Posted 3/25/2010 7:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi La Bella,

I agree with worried girl. I think you did love him and that is why it hurts so much. You have just been through a horrific ordeal. I would take this one day at a time in order to stay in the moment and stay focused. You do have to be there for the children. You can get through this. We are here to support you. Time goes by so fast and before you know it, you will be having your appointment and you will have some professional support to help you get through this. It is going to take some time and patience on your part. And love yourself. Take some me time and just chill out. Get a baby sitter and be alone and relax. You deserve this. You will get through this and we will be here for you.

Best wishes

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18569
   Posted 3/26/2010 11:08 PM (GMT -6)   
dear bella, agree with karen about some time for you. i wish you well with the therapist, this is a positive move. am sorry for your situation. i hope you continue to post. we care. with compassion.

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