New and trouble

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Col. Flagg
New Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/26/2010 4:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello everyone.

I'm new here. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about 2 years ago, though i have had it for a lot longer i think. I am in my 30s, married, no kids. To make a long story short, last year i cut off contact with my entire family after years of emotional and physical abuse. My wife has been very supportive and helpful.

One thing that has been bad though is because my mom was so overbearing, mean, and manipulative that is how I have treated my wife. That is to say I have taken out all of my anger, fear, and frustration with how my mom treated me on my wife. I have been working on this in therapy for the past two years and it hasn't gotten any better.

I know my wife is not my mother but when something comes up I can't stop the initial gut reaction of acting like a little kid who has just been punished or caught doing something wrong. I lie, make up stuff, all so that i hopefully won't get my wife mad at me, which is just what i used to do to my mom.

I am currently on Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and Xanax and while they and therapy have helped I still have these issue. My wife talked to me last night and let me know that she is and has been very unhappy in our marriage for a long time because of my issues. She told me that if we weren't upside down on our house she would be gone but now she is contemplating leaving me, ruining her credit, just to get away from me. This is all because I keep treating her like crap and like a mother figure. She wants a husband and not a little boy.

I am not sure what i am really asking for here but i just need to get this out and would like anyone's guidance, opinion or support.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40403
   Posted 3/26/2010 5:28 PM (GMT -6)   
I think you know what you have to do. Quit treating your wife like you did your mother. Remember that you broke contact with her for a reason. And you don't want to lose your wife. But know that she isn't going to continue to take the treatment. So I don't know if she has already made a decision to leave or not, but if she has, it will already be too late to change her mind. Have you sat down and talked about this to her? Have you told her that you are going to try to change?

I think you probably do this subconsciously. So you are going to have to try to be really mindful when it comes to her and play straight forward, no lieing, no manipulation. Just be you and be honest.

I hope that things work out for you and your wife. I hope that you can shake these actions and make things work. Best wishes to you. I hope that this helps in some way. Take care, keep posting and let us know how it is giong.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18564
   Posted 3/27/2010 1:17 AM (GMT -6)   
communication is key, and alike karen has said i feel you need to be straight up. i too hope you shake these actions. with compassion jamie.

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