Living with the weight of mistakes.

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/26/2010 10:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I have made bad decisions, I have allowed myself to be used in plenty of ways.
I just have to get a few things off my chest.

I have been in abusive relationships. I was trying desperately to leave one man for 3 years.
He was a psychopath. If I stayed he would abuse me, if I left he would find me. I still think he is going to kill me.

Because of him I was urinated on by two RCMP officers and choked and beaten by them.
I have forgiven those who perpetrated that vile act. It has made me a better person knowing that I do not have to live my life getting into trouble like that. The healing process was a long endurance trial. and i still feel the weight of that abuse.

I ran away from my family who was charmed by this man. My friends who slept with him, and him.

For months, if I was alone, I would cry profusely and hate myself for not seeing my potential.

Running away from that was the best thing i could have done, but it was still hard. and so lonely..
He was so abusive. He made me feel so alone and like I needed him. He loved to keep my confidence at a low level.

... I am still bent on this abuse.. I hate myself for letting him into my life.

I should have known it would be bad.. I cheated on my boyfriend to be with this abusive man. I shoudl have known it wasn't going to be good.

then bla bla bla life went on.. and now i am living in my parents house with my sdaughter. I havent lived at home since i was 16 and now i remember why. My dad is an alcoholic making bad decisions that I have to live with..
I am recently trying to get out of a nother abusive relationship.. this one is not physially abusive, but this man is so passively controlling I dont knowhow to arm myself against him. I am jsut wondering why I attract these men.
I am hoping to be selebate so i can find myself. I do not need the type of men that are attracted to me. that is all for now.
I jsut needed to say it .. I just need to get things ofdf my chest. I am feeling overwhelemed with life... there is soo much more that i would like to speak of..

SO MUCH STUFF GOES ON life happens and its hard.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18578
   Posted 3/27/2010 12:46 AM (GMT -6)   
hi maybe. jamie here.
time for you to gain some control and confidence in yourself and life. life is a massive journey full of lessons, some are easy, some tuff and some rough. i am glad you have left this person, and this persons control of you. i hope this other situation can be resolved.-where you are staying. i really feel that some professional counselling would benefit you with some tools to help with your situation. sorry for the abusive treatment you have received, nobody deserves this, nobody. you have been brave in posting maybe, continue being brave and seek some assistance. with caring compassion, jamie.

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/27/2010 6:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you . I feel its time for me to seek some counselling aswell. I have been doing well being strong for myself and my daughter, but recently the weight of my current circumstances has resurfaced certain unwelcome memories. I am glad I found this website with all of these caring people. It already has made a diffrence.
Thank you jamie for replying to my post:)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40407
   Posted 3/27/2010 6:59 PM (GMT -6)   

I am glad that you are getting out of these abusive relationships. No body should have to live with these circumstances. You do not deserve to be treated this way. But you are the one who has to change it. Get free of this guy and move on. You should check with human resources about getting your own place to stay. I am sure that you would qualify for help. You are living in a toxic invironment and it is only going to make you more depressed. You are taking huge steps right now to move forward. Know that we are all behind you through this.

Are you going to any counseling? I think that would be good for you right now especially. You could use the support and guidance.

I hope that things get better for you soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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