Loss of my son

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Mourning
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 4/2/2010 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
2 1/2 years ago, my 12 year old son passed away. So much has happened in my life since then and things seem to be getting worse which I didnt think was possible. How does this site work? Did I sign up on the correct forrum?
 
Thank you,

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/2/2010 1:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mourning,

This site is for support. I am glad that you have joined us. Welcome to the depression forum. Basically what we do is support and encourage eachother. Vent about things and just plain talk.

I hope that you find this a pleasant experience. Are you or have you gone to any grief counseling? I think it would really help you. Or just regular counseling. You have suffered a huge loss and I am so sorry. Know that we all here care about you and want to help you through this.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Mourning
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 4/2/2010 2:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I have tried all types of counseling, nothing has worked. I have so much to say, I am hurting worse today than I did the day he left. I appreciate your response. I am going to watch my other son play ball, I am at a tournament, I will return this evening and give you a run down. Pherhaps then you might see why counseling hasnt worked. I dont think they went to shcool for what happened. At that time, I was the Deputy Fire Chief, heard the 911 call go down and listened to the dispatcher give my oldest son instrucitons on CPR while I responded while on duty.

Babers
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 4/2/2010 3:01 PM (GMT -7)   
That sounds like a dispatcher's worst nightmare come true. I can't imagine ever going through that. Sometimes counseling can't help as much as we want it to. My mom lost her brother when she was 12 (he was 19) and she is still having issues with it... although she refuses treatment for depression which makes it harder to work out.

I'm sorry you lost your son. Hopefully you'll find some comfort in these forums, and maybe find someone who has been through a similar situation who can really relate.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/2/2010 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Mourning,

I should be around tonight to read the rundown. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you enjoy the ball game.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 4/2/2010 9:37 PM (GMT -7)   
my condolences to you. i too have had some hard grief to deal with. there is no right or wrong way to grieve. sending you my compassionate thoughts, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 4/2/2010 11:59 PM (GMT -7)   
im sorry for the loss of your son. i hope this helps but i have a saying, i heard it on ghost whisperer(i know corny) but it helps me with the loss of my mom. it goes "people never really die because they have loved. Because they have loved they live on in the hearts of everyone they touch therefore their memory keeps them alive." so in essence they are always with us and look over us. i know that to be true cause i have felt it. i think counseling could benefit you.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.


carmen
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 499
   Posted 4/3/2010 7:39 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry for your loss...

Carmen.

Mourning
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 4/3/2010 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, I cant believe the response. Thank you for your responses, you dont know me and your all so nice. Karen, thank you for asking about the ball game. My youngest is 13. Leading up to that day, I was the leave it to beaver type dad. Went to work, came home and I was the true family man. Me and my boys were very compasionate about baseball. Thats all we did. Needless to say, I coached for the last 15 years. I started a travel ball team, we had so many friends (so I thought).
My sons live and breathe the game. My son was a great player, he was fun to be with and made you enjoy life. You could always hear him from the dugout cheering everybody on. I coached the following year for my youngest, every time I stepped on to the field I would cry and then go home and cry at night. Even watching my youngest, which I enjoy so much, is very difficult. Last night I laid in bed at my hotel room, alone as always, and cried myself to sleep. I cant just give up on my youngest but boy is it hard. Every night and every day all I see is my son no longer alive. I hear the tones and my pager going off day after day.

After my son passed, my wife and I got a divorce. She has moved on and is living with her boyfriend. I dated and fell in love. This is a whole other story but she has left me as well. This is just a small portion of how my life is getting worse. I hate to sound like I am whineing but it is what it is.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/3/2010 10:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mourning,

Thanks for the post and filling us in on a little bit of what is going on in your life. All of our lives are unique and we all deal with different things but it all comes down to the same thing, just trying to get by one day at a time.

Grieving is unique too. We all grieve differently and for different lengths of time, and there is no right or wrong here. You will never forget your son. He will always hold a place in your heart. Hang on to fond memories. That is what is going to get you through. Knowing that you always have them.

It is hard for me to find the right words, but know that we are all here for you and always will be. This is a good place to come, especially when you are feeling down. And it is nice to hear when you are feeling good too. So keep posting, this could be just the therapy that you need.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Mourning
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 4/3/2010 11:10 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Karen,

The memories are the toughest. I try to avoid thinking of him. I dont even have any pictures hanging up in my apartment. I do have the half eatin box of Mike and Ikes from the night before he passed. His dream was to be a pro ball player, own a large home and fill it with Mike and Ikes.

He was a huge Darek Jeter fan and always pretended to be him. He didnt play football but loved Bret Favre. I promissed to take him to a Packers game to see him play and didnt get to. He wanted to write Favre and ask him if he ate Mike and Ikes before he played.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/3/2010 11:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Mourning,

You will know when it is time to let the memories start flowing. I have a feeling that you are going to have some enlightenment to this. Try to relax with it and if you think of him, let it be that. Are you stifling his memory? I mean are you bottling things up? You might need to let it all come out at one point. This is something that you can't control and it will happen as it may. If you could relax with this it would be a lot easier.

I really feel your loss. It is devistating. I wish that you weren't hurting so. I liked what you said about the candy. And the fact that he had such high hopes for the future. Know that he is still with you in your heart. He will never leave you.

I can't help but feel that you are punishing yourself some. Go easy on yourself. You are a great father and I hope that you know that. Even though I don't know you, I can feel it in your posts. Give yourself a pat on the back and be good to yourself. Relax with the thought that you have the fond memories and be grateful for the time that you spent with him.

I truly am so sorry for your loss. I can't stress that enough.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Mourning
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 4/3/2010 1:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Your very nice, thank you. My ex girlfriend told me I was using him as a crutch, in other words using him as an excuse when I would get upset or be depressed or when I would express how difficult it is to go to the ballfield and I wanted her with me.

 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/3/2010 2:56 PM (GMT -7)   
What your exgirlfriend thought is irrelavent. And if you were using him as a crutch, that is okay. You are starting fresh here and you should just think about the present. How are you coping now? Are you getting your day to day things done? You went to your son's game, and that is a big accomplishment. Everytime you go, it will get easier. And you and your youngest son can bond. Try to live for what you have now. But that doesn't mean to forget the son you lost. His memory can be encorperated in each and every day. You are moving ahead and that is a lot. One day at a time and live in the present.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Mourning
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 4/3/2010 8:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I sure wish your sound advice was easy, nothing seams to get easier. Each day gets worse, I cry more than ever before and I have never felt so alone.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/4/2010 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Time heals my dear, it could just be taking longer for you. You will heal and feel better, just be patient. Give yourself a pat on the back once in a while. You deserve that. You are a good father and a good person. We all grieve differently. Like I said, no right and no wrong.

I hope that you have a happy Easter Day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 4/5/2010 4:09 AM (GMT -7)   
time does heal, your tears are of love. as i say about those who i love that are dearly apart is this: 'always with me, always with you.
my healing compassionate thoughts i send. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


300 Books
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/6/2010 5:18 PM (GMT -7)   
To Mourning:

I believe that I have felt and have had issues just as you are having now. I lost my son several years ago, but in a different way: He was my good buddy and my hero - he was called back into the Army and forced to go to Iraq (he had already put in four years honorably). He was hit by a roadside bomb. He came back and was a different person. One month after returning home, he threatened me in our home (he was wearing a loaded Glock .45 when he threatened me).

That totally knocked me out and several months later I couldn't think straight, nothing was fun, and my thoughts just went round and round, stuck in a cycle. I was a walking zombie, no good to myself, nor to anyone. I then went to two Psychiatrists and one Psychologist - they all recommended that I have no contact with my wonderful son, as family members and loved ones are the first to be harmed.

I was on antidepressants for a while, but I have read more than 50 books since then. What I learned is that any physical or mental stress causes us to excrete magnesium. The more the stress, the greater the excretion. Magnesium is required for seratonin and all the other brain regulating chemicals. Severe stress can put us in a "magnesium deficiency shadow" which can last for years (or longer) and will culminate in severe depression, inability to focus or think, personality changes, headaches, cramps, etc. I finally found the right formula. Once I did, my mind cleared up in less than two months, I got off the antidepressants and got myself back in life. I know the the wonderful son I had will never be back and I may never even see him again. But my ability to handle that has totally changed. I feel like my old self, I am productive and happy. I miss my son and am sad for what has happened, but happy for all the wonderful times we had.

The magnesium that really worked for me I found at  From all that I read (lots of conflicting information), it appears that the type of magnesium is critical - ionic magnesium which is bioavailable. It worked quickly for me.

Mourning, I hope this is helpful for you. I know how I felt for about a year and a half and wouldn't wish that on anyone. Good Luck and God Bless You!

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/6/2010 7:34:17 PM (GMT-6)


Mourning
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 4/6/2010 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   
I have never heard of this. Is it prescribed, over the counter?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/6/2010 7:07 PM (GMT -7)   
300Books,

I have to worry that this could be construed as spam. You have posted similar posts three times on the magnesium. And you keep entering a site that sells it.

I have asked admin to read your posts to verify if it is spam or not. I hate to ask you to leave, you seem to be sharing in with the other members. So if you could leave the site out of your posts, it would be appreciated.
 
By the way, how are things going for you?  Good I hope...

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 4/8/2010 5:27:10 AM (GMT-6)


Mourning
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 4/7/2010 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen, does this mean somebody is lying to me?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/8/2010 4:25 AM (GMT -7)   
If you are refering to the post on magnesium, I am not sure. Magnesium is good for you, but I don't know if what he is saying is true. It is just that he keeps putting a site that sells it, which becomes 'spam' on the forum. We don't allow that. But by all means, talk to your doctor and see if magnesium would help you. I take it for fibromyalgia. It makes my muscles feel better.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 4/8/2010 8:00 AM (GMT -7)   
yes i need it for my back and feet. (diabetic nuropathy) there is some anecdotal info pertaining to magnesuim and depression. unfortunately i myself have not seen any medical evidanced based studies supporting this veiw. am weary about it. the cymbalta is actually helping me at this time. i have MDD. this is due to a chemical inbalance in the brain, and due to trauma at a young age, thus i'd rather stay with medicines that are tried, tested and are targeted towards my condition. with compassion, jamie. ps, it may help others, albeit alike karen i suggest all to contact their doctor before administering such treatment.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


Mourning
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 4/8/2010 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, I am trusting that nobody would lie to me to try and promote a product. I am hear because my life is getting worse after losing my son. He was my best friend. Last March, I aspirated in my sleep. to make a long story short I went in to multi organ failure. I was in ICU for several weeks and in the Hospital for nearly two months. I dont remember a lot at the beginning, I do remember asking the Doctors to let me go because I wanted to be with my son. I know it's selfish to think that way but I miss him so much. It is so painful every day and nothing helps. Everything reminds me of my son and I dont want to do anything.

Anyway, I have never shared exactly how I feal. There is so much I one day would like to share with somebody.

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 4/8/2010 9:04 PM (GMT -7)   
  1. you are doing well here on the forum, so keep posting.
  2. try to keep active, in any way possible.
  3. this will help your mind to roominate less.
  4. maybe some journalling to get things from mind to paper may help. it is very cathartic, and a good tool to use in therapy.
  5. keep consulting with your doctor and allied professionals.
  6. try to not isolate.
  7. healing compassion 2 u. jamie.

YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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