Not sure I can trust anymore

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hw_chelsi
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 4/3/2010 10:29 PM (GMT -7)   
First off I would like to ask a stupid question.  I got upset as I was leaving work today.  I could not find my car keys.  My boss came back from running an errand and I was really upset with myself and was swearing.  I sent her an e-mail apologizing for something else.  I thought she was upset with me.  She asked me something I was snappish back and she like put her hands together and her head down as though praying.  Never saw her do that before.  She responded saying she was not upset with me but she was put out.  I am not sure what that means exactly.  2 years ago, I could not do anything wrong and now I can't do anything right.  They have become a bit too controlling and it has put me on edge and now it seems we are all at each others throat.  I was hopeing to work on getting things back to the way it was.   I had started to believe in myself but I don't anymore.
 
Chelsi

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 4/4/2010 7:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Chelsie,

This is just a bump in the road. Things will get better. Clear your mind and relax. Try some meditation. That is so good for the soul.

Maybe she meant that her feelings were hurt. I don't think she is angry with you at all. You will get a grip on this. Take it slow, one day at a time and stay in the moment of things. Stuff happens, as they say.

I hope that you are having a Happy Easter. Keep in touch with us.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


hw_chelsi
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 4/4/2010 9:36 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Karen,

Thank you for the kind words.  I can only hope it was a bump in the road.  Long story short.  They are taking some former tenants to court.  She had asked me to get all the evidence that I could.  I spent over an hour going thru e-mails from a certain person.  I did not find anything.  I am sure I told her I did not find anything, but I don't remember.  When she came back from her errands it was about 30-45 min. after we closed.  I was frantic as I could not find my keys, but it was not the keys itself.  I was suppose to be at my vets house right after work to have her draw some blood on my dog to make sure she is ok.  I had found an open pack of mouse and rat poisioning in my office.  It had been behind the filing cabinet and she could not have gotten it so am sure the mouse drug it out and it was chewed on.  I don't think my dog got into it but my vet wanted to do some blood work just to be sure.  I was more worried about getting my dog to my vets than the keys.  My boss wanted me to come back in and go thru my e-mails to see if I could find anything.  But first she wanted me to dump my purse out to see if my keys were in there.  I had already looked.  Had also checked thru all the e-mails.  I had already done this.  I understand her because it is a court case she has to go to this week and apparently the judge does not favor landlords all that well.  She just needed to be totally prepared.  But I was at the point I could not have done any more.  Apparently she was "put out" by my language.  I don't like myself when I get this way and say these things.  Before her response, I had planned on sending her another e-mail and asking her what I could do to help things become the way they just to be.  I was much more relaxed and I think I did better that way.  There is a lot of tension between me and them.  Her husband, I do not know what is his problem but apparently he has been like this for years.  He expects everyone to cater to his every whim.  He is unrealistic at times.  He once told me I was suppose to be at the complex 24/7.  I come into where my dad lives on weeknds and sometimes during the week.  My dad is getting dementia and I have to take him to his dr. appts.  My sister is married and lives out of state, but recently found a job here and moved back home and in with our dad so that has been a huge help. 

I think you are right, I need to take things one day at a time.  If I want things the way they were a couple of years ago, I need to do something on my part.  I am just not sure how to.  That is why I was going to do that e-mail but after her response, all that went out the window.  She says I am part of the family.  That is great, but not to the point that they want me to check with them before I do anything.  I have problems with that and with expressing myself.  I have had friends thru the years who considered me family, or were very good friends and it is like once they saw me in a different lite they abandoned me.  I am afraid that this will happen in this case.  Her husband has a real temper and shows it often.  I can lose my temper (part of my adhd) too, but I am careful to not do it when around other people.  This was the first time my boss saw me like this, so now she sees me differently  I am the same person I have always been.  We do come from two total backgrounds.  They are older (she is 11 yrs older than me).  My family, including extended family used to joke around and have fun.   She does not.  If I make a joke, god forbid, she sees no humor in it.  I love her dearly as a friend and they have been very good to me, but I cannot be myself around them.  All they want to talk about is business.  I want a life outside of business.

Chelsi


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 4/4/2010 11:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Chelsi,

You deserve a life out of business too. I realize that you have been with them for a long time and want to make this work. But you can only do so much. They have to compromise with you. It is only fair. Have you thought about another job? I think that I have asked you that before. I know that you are use to this type of employment and want to continue, but if they make it impossible for you to be happy, you might have to consider work elsewhere. Just keep that in mind.

I don't think that you did anything wrong. By the way, I hope that your dog is okay. I worry about my dogs getting into things too. And that vet appointment is very important. And being it was after hours, you had every right to want to make it. Also you shouldn't have to be available 24/7 like they would like for you to be. You have to have a life outside of work. Or you will go crazy.

I am sure that she doesn't look at you any differently even with looking for your keys. She was in a perdictament and was worried about the case. But that is her problem, not yours. You did everything possible to help her and that is all that you can do.

Now, I hope that you are enjoying your Easter. Relax and have a wonderful day today!!!!

Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 4/5/2010 7:34:11 AM (GMT-6)


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18774
   Posted 4/5/2010 3:53 AM (GMT -7)   
for a very long part of my former working career i became a yes man. (person) i do not want this for you. be true and be you. with compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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