need help with how to gain my indendence while dealing with my grandfathers death

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wizard0ne0
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/4/2010 3:02 AM (GMT -7)   
I currently live at home however I spend most nights elsewhere(not doing anything bad) My mom is a control freak and is not letting me gain my independence (I believe a 19 year old in college is about the right time) however I volunteer around town and help my friends, I am currently in school however my professor is refusing to let me learn, my grandpa died mere hours ago my car is broken, and I am completely jobless. I also have a younger sister that is heading down the "wrong path" ie drugs sex booze etc.....My dad is not really in the picture, my mom and dad never married and he isn't a major part of my life I have no grandparents to go to and my aunt hates me because I am not christian, my professor will not allow me to come back next semester to finish my degree regardless
You: My aunt out of state has offered me a place to live but I don't see how i could make a living there due to lack of transportation, my mom unwilling to pay out of state tuition, and not having local references. ,I am a certified machinist and was working on my final certificate, I have 3/4 certificates
You: I own 2 cars but 1 is broken (mystery about what had 7 people try to fix it to no avail) and second is not a car that I can't drive long distances, ie out of state.
What is the best thing I can do?
I am happy to answer any questions as truthfully as possible.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/4/2010 5:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Well first of all take a breath. Since your grandfather just died you might want to ask your Mom how can you help with the funeal preperations. I am sorry to hear of your loss. Be very gentle with yourself and others.

Unfortunately you are not going to like what I have to say. So hold off on reading this part until your ready. But please understand it is said with compassion, of someone who graduated high school early (17) just to get out of her parents house, and then had to go back in my 20's for two years because I was so sick and injured.
1. You need to figure out what is going on with your instructor, find the path (even if that means going back and retaking stuff) to fix your cert. track.
2. If you are at all living in your mothers house (that means if your gear is there) then you have an obligation to generally follow her rules and help her out. That means mowing the lawn, washing dishes (daily), cook daily, laundry (2-3 times a week), vacuming, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, etc. After all you are 19, make sure you have actually shown her respect for supporting and helping you way more then she is legally obligated too. She could kick you out on the street with absolutely no legal reprecussions. So while there might be midigating circumstances that I do not know about my general advice is to stop going out so much (twice a week max and make sure it is not going to interfere with her work sleep schedule) and stop causing your mother more grief (it sounds like she has enough drama with your little sister).
3. Big deal if you are not a Christian, now would be an excellent time to learn when to be quiet about stuff. Especially when it comes to your grandfathers furneral and burial.
If one of the rules of your Mother's house is going to church every once and awhile chalk it up to part of the expense of living there.

I think that is probably enough for right now.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 4/4/2010 7:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Wizzard,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum.

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I know that this must be hard for you. It sounds like you are young and your and your grandfather were close. It is hard to lose somebody so close to you. I know that you are grieving and I am so sorry.

It sounds like you need to find a better car. Are you working anywhere? Know that if your mom is housing you, you do need to help around the house. But you need to have a life too. Study hard... It is so important to get an education these days. You don't stand a chance if you don't.

I think it might be a good idea for you to get some grief counseling. Know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. We all do this in our own time. No time lengths either. But know he is still with you in spirit.

I hope that you feel better soon. Keep posting and let us know how things are going with you. Know that we care.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


wizard0ne0
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/4/2010 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for the help, as for my professor he is believes I have no will to learn because I have missed several classes this semester. (during those times I was usually driving one of my friends babies to the hospital, or driving my sister to rehab, I have told him this) as for chores around the house, I do them (except mow the lawn(we live in the mountains) and cook for my sister(vegetarian)) as for finding a better car, I don't have the money to do so, and my mom refuses to have another car on the property(my dad uses my mom's property as car storage, ie 12+ cars)

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/4/2010 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Unfortunately it looks like you may have to retake the class then.
12+ cars on the property is a problem. I can understand why your Mom does not want any more, because in some states she would be fined for having that many, if they were not in working condition.
Just a suggestion, but why do you not sell the two cars you have for a better one.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


wizard0ne0
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/4/2010 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   
one of the cars I am unwilling to sell for sentimental reasons, the other car is not running and would be difficult to sell

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 4/4/2010 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   
You have to get your priorities straight. There are times that you can help others and times that you have to help yourself. I think it is time to help yourself. Buckle up and get your mind on school. It is very important for you to have an education.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18763
   Posted 4/5/2010 3:34 AM (GMT -7)   
agree with education. sadly i had to come back into it as a mature age student. struggling to finish some academic work myself. i would consult your dean, re: extensions on grounds of bereavement. my compassionate healings i send. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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