need help dealing with all of this

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TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 4/6/2010 6:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I am having a very hard time. I am not doing so well in school now. My mom moved out of the house. My parents have been married for 20 years. I also moved out of the house, into an apartment with a friend who has a 3 year old and a newborn. So, I am not sleeping so well. I dont have time to study. It seems as though it is my life and I can choose what to do with my time. But, emotionally, I have to be there for my friend and her kids. So, I babysit a lot and help out with the kids. Basically, it is as if I have 2 kids of my own. And a place of my own and trying to go to college.
 
My class grades are suffering. I am down to a D and C's. I have so much outside stress pounding down on me now I am not sure when it will all finally hit me, but I feel like it is about to hit me really hard and hurt me really bad. I feel like I am a ticking time bomb. I feel like everything is building up and it is just going to hit me when I am not expecting it and knock me down hard. I can feel it happening.
 
Im not sure what to do... I am not seeing my therapist as much. I dont suppose she knows how things are going and that I need to be seeing her more often now. I had to speak with the director of the student disability support office about all of this. I also have to talk to my advisor at school in the morning. I am trying to spend more time working on school stuff and get my grades up. I need to get my priorities in order, but it is difficult with the kids and my friend, but this is what i have chosen. And I have to continue doing school stuff because I plan on graduating on time, maybe early... and so I can get my degree and get a decent job and so I can start working on my Masters degree as soon as I finish with my bachelors. I want to do them back to back... so I can get done and be able to do more of what I want with more education. Education to me is a continuing process and I plan to learn as much as possible.
 
I am so overwhelmed and stressed out about home and school and everything. What can I do?? What do I need to do... or should I just talk to my therapist or someone... Im so lost and confused.. I guess thats how I would explain it.. I just dont know what to do.. and Im not sure if I should contact my nurse or doctor about meds or what... I just have no idea what to do at all.
 
Any suggestions or help?? please.
TRIED: Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Cymbalta 6-6-09, Rozerem, Melatonin, Prozac (july 09-feb 10)
Currently taking: Trazodone 50mg, Focalin XR 5mg, Klonopin 1mg, Wellburtin XL 150mg, Lexapro 20mg, Abilify 5mg, Zantac 150mg, Prilosec 20mg  
Diagnosed: Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Eating Disorder, ADHD, Dysthymic Disorder, OCD, GERD, Bi-Polar II
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
   


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 4/6/2010 6:51 PM (GMT -7)   
What about going to live with your dad and getting a job. I think your friend would understand if you told her you couldn't handle it. You could still go to school. Just get a part time job to help out with the bills and stuff.

I do suggest talking with your counselor. If you don't, your grades are going to suffer more. She will help you think this out. You don't owe your friend anything and I think she could get along on her own with the help from the state. But you on the other hand want an education and you deserve to have it. I am saying this just incase you are feeling guilty about it. You can't be expected to raise two kids and go to college. It isn't practical for your education. I know that you want to help her, but you have to help yourself here and I think you realize this.

I hope that this helps some Christi. I know that you are in a difficult spot. I know that you love the babies and that you want to help. But you have to think of you. You are what is important now.

Take care of yourself.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 4/6/2010 8:16 PM (GMT -7)   
i just cant do that Karen. i cant just move back in with my dad. my friend just puts a lot of stress on me. as if i am supposed to take care of them 24-7, but they arent mine. i wish they were, but i hate that she tells me they are. kind of like in school, if the teacher says you HAVE to read a book, you hate it. but if they dont say you have to then you will.... I just dont like her making me feel like i HAVE to and that they are my responsibility. not both of them.... just the baby. although i watch the older one as well. but the baby is "mine". i dont mind watching him because he is easy, he just sleeps all the time and i feed and burp him and he goes back to sleep. her 3 year old is a mess. he has a smart mouth he has picked up from others.... its just crazy sometimes and he can cause a short fuse, especially for her. I am a ton more patient than most anyone, and yet I am getting frustrated.

she expects me to be here. i want to be here for them. especially the baby. i dont want the baby to grow up like the other kid has. personally, i wish i could just take him and move back in with my dad. it would be easier for both of us. but that cant happen of course. im just really frustrated with my parents and everything that is going on with my friend and im just exploding and im not sure what to do. i just feel like sitting and crying really hard. i need to cry and i cant. then they would ask me why im crying and all that stuff..... i dont want to add to things even more.

I just need something and Im not getting it. Im not even sure what I need. to talk... a walk. some time to think.. a good cry.. im not even sure.. Im having to use more and more of my medication to stay straight and calmed. And its beginning not to work. I just wish i had something strong to knock me out. i just want to sleep sleep sleep... for a long time. until everything is gone and over with.. i feel SO overwhelmed. i dont know what to do anymore.
TRIED: Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Cymbalta 6-6-09, Rozerem, Melatonin, Prozac (july 09-feb 10)
Currently taking: Trazodone 50mg, Focalin XR 5mg, Klonopin 1mg, Wellburtin XL 150mg, Lexapro 20mg, Abilify 5mg, Zantac 150mg, Prilosec 20mg  
Diagnosed: Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Eating Disorder, ADHD, Dysthymic Disorder, OCD, GERD, Bi-Polar II
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
   


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 4/7/2010 6:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Christi,

You have to be realistic about this. They are not your children. I know that you love them, but if you really want to do what is right for them, take care of you. Get your grades up. By having an education with the oppertunity of a good job, that will help them more in the long run.

Don't let her make you feel guilty either. She had the children and they are really her responsibility. Not yours. Don't let your education go down the drain over a quick fix for right now. Talk to your counselor and get some professional advice about this. I know that she can find you a solution that will work all the way around.

I know that you want to take the little ones, but that isn't right either. You will have to pay for day care while you are at school. And legally you can't do this. They are legally her children. She needs to do more so that you can get some sleep. She needs to take on the responsibility. She doesn't really deserve these children in my opinion. But then again I don't know everything about the situation. But it doesn't sound like she is a very good mom. I am sorry for that.

Take care of you first. Before you know it you are going to get too tired and you wont be able to enjoy them at all. You need rest. Natural sleep. And the time and space to study. YOu are smart. You know all of this. Just make the decisions that you need to. If she doesn't understand, that is too bad. She will later, but it sounds like she is somewhat selfish.

I hope that you feel better soon. Take care Christi and keep in touch.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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