Friend in denial

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Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 148
   Posted 4/10/2010 1:40 AM (GMT -6)   
I do not know if I have ever posted on this subject or not.  I have a friend who is in real trouble and in denial.  She lost her job in 2005.  She has never looked for another one.  She opted to stay home and care for her parents.  At that time both were alive and I don't think really needed someone there 24/7.  Both parents health started failing about a year or two later.  Her mom has passed away which was sudden and unexpected.  My friend is one of 6 kids, all but one lives here.  She does not get along with any of her siblings.  When I first met her, she was fun to be around, would do anything for you ect.  Except for in college she has never lived on her own.  Just recently another friend and I learned about a whole other side of her we did not know.  We suspected some things but not everything we learned.  My friend is quite heavy and has to use a cane to get around.  Her dad's health started really failing with parkinsons and dementia.  He is in his upper 80's.  We figured her spending was out of control because she would use her dad's credit card.  We knew she bought things she never opened and she said things were stacked up in the garage.  I have never been in the home, but from what I have heard, it is very hard to get around.  She claims she can't do any housword as her knees will give out after a few min. of standing.  Well, one evening in late Jan. she got into it with her brother who threatened to shove her cane down her throat.  She over reacted which she is known to do.  She called the police as she felt it was a serious threat.  They came and her brother apparently acted all nice and she tried to defend herself verbally.  It is not the first time the police have been called to her house.  The  police kept telling her to shut up, she would have her turn to talk but she ignored them.  They ended up taking her to a psych. hosp.  She was there 9 days but said she never got any counseling.  While in there, her sister filed a restraining order against her when they found out how much spending she had been doing, paying bills late ect.  She apparently has been court ordered to get therapy.  Her family is paying her to stay in an extended stay place where she has been since Feb.  I met another friend of hers and she has been sending me e-mails my friend sends her she receives from her sister and then her response back to them.  They have informed her that as of June 1st, they are cutting her off financially.  They will no longer be paying for her health insurance, her extended stay, give her some spending money ect.  My friend has been saying, even before this happened that she did not need help, her siblings do.  We do not know how much her dad really knows.  She refuses to go for any type of therapy, unless it is family therapy, and only if her dad comes, which he would not do.  At his age, he does not need to be put thru all this.  I have been told that she cashed in her 401k.  From the e-mails her friend has sent me, her siblings sound as if they do care for her but her responses to them are very mean and nasty.  If we get together she will spend the evening cryiing about how terrible this all is and she cannot understand why they would do this to her.  I do think it is extreme.  She was taking care of her dad.  I understand she received a $200 speeding ticket and says her family will pay for it but they have no ideal.  We all feel bad for her, but none of want to be around.  She is in compete denial of this.  How do we help her?

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40384
   Posted 4/10/2010 7:33 AM (GMT -6)   

All you can really do is try to get her to go to counseling. This is one that she has to help herself with. She is the one in denial. This is really sad. I hope that she gets the help that she needs. You can be there, and suggest counseling, but that is about all that you can do. Like I say, she has to do this on her own. Being she was court ordered, she will have to go or face the consequences. I wish you luck with this. She is lucky to have you as a friend. It sounds like you really care a lot about her.

Best wishes, I hope that she gets help soon. Sounds like a little obsessive compulsive disorder with the spending.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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