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awf
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/11/2010 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I have been depressed for months. I tried meds but I don't want to sleep the rest of my life away. I have chronic pain and now this. My wife ( of 35+ yrs) shared some information with me several months ago that was devastating. It was a situation that happened to her when she was a young teenager. It has completely blew away my idea of what she believes in. I have this info she shared with me circling in my mind 24/7. If I wake at night the first thing I think of is her news. I know she loves me. I know I love her. I just don't know what to do. This info she has passed is eating at my mind and conscience like a acid. I can't concentrate due to this. I did a couple of months ago consider ending it all. I didn't have the guts to do it. It just seems like everything has slowed down and I am in a hole. I have lost interest in everything it seems. Some dark side of me wants to know more about her situation but at the same time I know what it is going to do to me.  She doesn't want to discuss it. I keep telling myself that if I knew all the details of how the situation came about that I wouldn't have these thoughts and questions swirling in my head 24/7? I understand the situation enough to be OK with that part of it. It is the things leading up to the situation that has me at odds with who I believed she is. 
 
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40599
   Posted 4/11/2010 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Awf,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I am glad that you have joined us.

Whatever happened all those years ago is in the past now. Try to let go of it. And your wife is who you thought she was. It sounds like she is a very good person. Don't let the past change your mind about her. I hope that you two can work this out. Try not to obsess about it.

Hugs Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


awf
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/11/2010 10:40 AM (GMT -7)   
There is nothing that would ever cause me to not love my wife. The reason this has hit me so hard is the fact that I do love her. She is all I have other than a daughter that is overseas. I don't have any family so she is not just important to me, she is my everything. Without her I go back to being the guy who had nothing going on. We also have a nine year old grandson with leukemia. I spent six months in England last year so there could be someone at the hospital with him. Over there they have to have an adult stay in the hospital with them. They prefer that someone is with the child 24/7. My daughter has eight children. In Jan 09 when we went over there she had a 7 month old baby that wasn't weaned yet. Her husband is in the service. I stayed and spent most of my time in England at Adenbrookes Hospital pediatric cancer ward. That alone took it's toll on my spirit. I was also so homesick that I couldn't sleep or eat. I lost almost 60lbs which I need to loose some of anyway. Then when I came home we were talking and she decided to share.

I had been on major pain meds for eight years. I quit them on my own over a three week period after the doctor refused to. I was on two different types of morphine. After seeing the children at the cancer ward I decided to tolerate more pain instead of taking meds.

All of this together has pile up on me it seems. I took a pill for about a month. I have a refill if I choose. I don't want to go back down the pill path again. I took as many as eight types of pills a day before I weaned myself. All of the anti depressants that I have been on make me sleep lie a old bear. Since taking this last round it is a bit better. I was sitting and crying for no reason. I couldn't hold it back. I have always been on the emotional side but nothing like recently.

Thanks for your words of wisdom and hope.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40599
   Posted 4/11/2010 3:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I am really sorry to hear about your granddaughter. I hope that she is well now. That has to be awful hard for you. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now, and it is only normal to break down every now and then. Try to give yourself a break if you can. You are being awful hard on yourself.

I hope that things work out good for you and that you are feeling better soon. Have you ever tried wellbutrin? That doesn't normally make people sleepy, and it is good for weight loss. I took it, but it makes food taste wierd to me and I can't eat. And high doses make me nervous and give me insomnia. But it works well for many people. You might want to talk to your doctor about that. I also take abilify as a mood stabilizer. And it helps with obsessive thinking. I take it with my anti depressant. I also take xanax. Which helps me a lot. You might want to talk to your doc about a med adjustment or a switch.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


awf
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/11/2010 5:01 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Karen for the info about the obsessive thinking meds. That sounds like it could be a do for me. I was on wellbutrin. It was like I was on pins and needles. I wasn't give to me as a treatment for my present depression. I was in a car wreck several years ago and they messed my shoulder and neck up with injections and nerve blocks. They kept asking me if I was depressed. My reply was always yes a little. A woman with no insurance hit me and ruined my life. They insisted on me taking wellbutrin because I couldn't smile about that.

 

I have found that American Honey and 7-UP relly helps also!


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18773
   Posted 4/14/2010 10:07 PM (GMT -7)   
awf, hi, jamie here. male, 37.
 
abilify really helped me with my thought processes when i was on it. hoping you feel better soon. my healing compassionate thoughts to you. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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