it's been a while...

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2004
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 12/24/2004 3:40 AM (GMT -6)   
so...for all of those who give a crap and have read my very first post on this forum...just thought i'd update.
i told my parents how i've been feeling; they've been supportive.  I went to a counselor and child development specialist...the specialist prescribed Celexa to me but i haven't taken it yet..i feel for me, it'd be better if i conquered this thing without medicines.  Call me stubborn, but hey, whatever.  my counselor..i stopped seeing.  She made me feel guilty after our first real session, and i wasn't going to deal with that mess.  As of now i have an appointment with a psychologist in January.  So hm. 
i've decided to post again because i think i had been experiencing a panic attack for the last 40 minutes and i needed to get this out...i broke a promise...i hate myself for that.   I promised i'd never...cut....and well here i sit with the red reminders.  Didn't bleed tho, that's good.  Just scratched deep enough to see the tracks the razor left behind.
funny how i talk so nonchalant about this to strangers...i can't say this face to face with anyone..perhaps on the phone..but never in person; their reactions are too painful.  I remember my mom coming into my room, crying, saying it broke her heart to see me like this.  darn did i feel crappy.  Did i mention she's pregnant?  Yes...and for me, an only child, it was exciting news.  For awhile, knowing a new life was coming allowed me to focus on other things other than the inner turmoil that stewed within me.  I don't know where to go from here...don't know if anyone'll read this, don't know if the Admin's gonna edit this post too.  i don't know anymore.
for those of you making progress tho, i applaud you. perhaps someday i may join you on that grand pedestal.  And for all those progressing, God be with you.  For those fallen, and with broken wings, FAiTH...rite? 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 798
   Posted 12/29/2004 7:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi  :-)  .  Sooo glad you talked to your parents and that they are supportive.  You may want to try the Celexa though.  Read my post in the "at the end" thread.  I know all about the "weak" feeling of needing anti-depressants.  The Celexa + behavioural therapy from a psychiatrist healped me much.  I have no experience with cutting but it would seem to me that this is a deep rooted issue that can be overcome with help.  I really pray that you find inner peace and can open up to the psychologist.  Just know there are people who care and things will get better :-) .
God Bless, Softy

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