Want to Help My Mother

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/11/2010 9:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi all,

I am posting this message to get some advice on how I can better support my mother who is going through a deepressionphase.


My mom lives in India and I live in California with my wife and son. 5 years ago my sister, who also lived in India, died from complications in child birth. My mom was very close to her, lived with her while my sister was dealing with the complications. Since then she has been suffering from deepression. Doctor has her on various meds.

Recently my mom came to US to spend some time with us. However as luck would have it she slipped on a flight of stairs and broke her ankle and knee. She had to go through two surgeries and hence is immobile and slowly recovering

Over the past few weeks her deepression has gotten the worse. She complains of feeling worthless, no aim in life and talks about suicide or death being the only way. I think things have gotten worse because she of her injury and her lack of immobility.

Question for this group- I constantly talk to her, pep her up, hired full time help in house to help around and give her company, my son keeps her company. What else should I do to make her feel better?

Also is there any cure to deepression? Or are meds the only way out? I have heard instances where people have gotten out of deepression and stopped taking meds completely.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2268
   Posted 4/11/2010 11:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Cheetos,
Sounds like you're doing a lot of things right!

The only other thing I could suggest is trying to see if there is something she CAN do. Sometimes we get so caught up in all the things we can't do anymore we lose sight of the things we can. For me, it was learning how to knit & making scarves for charity. I couldn't get out of bed without a lot of help, but that was the one thing I could do & still feel like I was contributing to the world.

For me that made all the difference. My family kept telling me they cared about me & went out of their way to be helpful, but in my twisted thinking that just made me feel guilty & even more worthless. Not saying you shouldn't help your mom, just that it's not unusual for someone's helpful actions to be taken the wrong way by someone who is suffering from deep depression. :)

Whatever your mom used to really enjoy doing (for me it was charity work), if there is someway she can still do it, albeit in a creative & perhaps limited form, it could maybe start to slowly turn around her thinking. If she loved cooking, maybe having her peel vegetables into a bowl. If sports/games, perhaps she could mentor an youth athlete -- reviewing tapes of her games with her & suggesting ways to improve the young person's game. I'm sure you can think of more ideas, it doesn't have to be anything big, just something that actually does make a difference.

Hope that helps! Blessings be upon you for taking such good care of your mother during her time of need.


PS -- Yes, depression, if treated, can go away either temporarily or permanently. Sometimes that involves medications, other times not. It really just depends on the individual. It might be worth a visit to a general practioner to discuss what options there are for your mom. They could test her to make sure that she doesn't have any underlying medical conditions (anemia can contribute to depression & low energy -- and while I don't know the statistics, nearly all of my Indian friends are on iron supplements or high-iron diets. There are a number of other medical issues -- including menopause -- that can cause or worsen depression, so it's worth getting tested). If the tests all come back normal, the doctor can then recommend counseling and/or medication, if appropriate. It is probably best to have depression medication managed by a psychiatrist & if you decide to go that route the general practioner can provide a recommendation/referral.
Please know, though, that sometimes a person can work very hard, be on the best possible combination of treatments & still only receive partial relief of their symptoms. In those cases, the family may benefit from getting their own counselor to learn how to live with having a family member who is chronically depressed. Still, while that is a possibility, there are many things to try before thinking that the depression will never go away.

Post Edited (Frances_2008) : 4/11/2010 11:02:01 PM (GMT-6)

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18556
   Posted 4/12/2010 1:05 AM (GMT -6)   
getting some info from your mental health team may help as well. especially with accessing services, finding a good psychiatrist. wishing you both well. with compassion, jamie.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40395
   Posted 4/12/2010 7:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I think you have gotten some wonderful advice. I know it is hard for all having somebody trapped in bed for a long time. And I am sure that it makes her feel worthless without being to be a productive individual.

I think counseling would really help her and all concerned. I hope that you can get somebody to come in and counsel her. Plus as was posted above, a good physical exam and maybe some medications. If needed.

Keep posting and let us know how things are going. Know that we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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