Can you prevent increased depression from a depressing event?

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solar powered
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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 538
   Posted 4/12/2010 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi. My name is Lisa and I usually post on the fibro and chronic pain boards but have been treated for depression for about 15 years. I would say that after some trial and error that my treatment is going pretty well.

Having said that, I am concerned that things will get much worse again. I have only one child, a daughter who will be going away to college in the fall of 2011. I know that seems a long time off but I have been thinking about how that event will effect me since she started high school. She has been my life since she was born even when I worked outside of the home. To say that I'm over-involved would probably be an understatement. My relationship with my husband, her father, is not good. I know her leaving is going to hit me very hard since she is my best buddy as well as my daughter (like I said, over-involved).

Is there a way to prevent this situation from becoming disastrous to my mental health? I would appreciate any ideas that you may have. Thanks so much.

Lisa
If I can laugh at it, I can live with it.


willowsgrandma
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 4/12/2010 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
cool Hi Lisa! I have two grown sons (35 and 37). My oldest son went to the army when he was barely 18. I was in the midst of leaving my horrily abusive (mentally and physically BIG TIME). Anyway 2 years my oldest son came home and he and his brother (18 yrs old and still in high school) got a place together. I just can imagine how you feel! God bless you! Lisa, do you have many friends(in and outside work)? At least you have some time to start planning (night classes, charity work) so when she does leave maybe you'll have something to fill your time. I, like you, was overly involved with my kids (especially the younger one). Where do you live? Well Lisa take care and I hope maybe I've helped a little. Just remember we have to let our kids "spread their wings and fly." Donna turn cry

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/12/2010 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lisa,

I too think that finding something to occupy your time ahead of time would be a good thing to do. I would think about getting some counseling to help with the transition. I am sure that a counselor would have some very good advice and be a source of support for you when your daughter leaves.

It sure is hard, but as was posted above, you have to let them spread their wings. You two will probably stay in close contact too and that will help. Talking on the phone, and now all that texting. That is something that the two of you can do to stay in touch.

Getting a job if that is possible will help. If you aren't already working. Even something part time. Or volunteering as was posted above. But I highly recommend the counseling. That has helped me so much.

I hope that this has helped some, I am sure that others will come on and give some suggestions.

Take care, have a great day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


solar powered
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 538
   Posted 4/12/2010 2:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes you did help. Thanks so much for the replies. I totally agree with you both about letting her spread her wings. She has so much to offer and I know she can't do it here in this little town (upper peninsula of Michigan). I want the best for her and it isn't here so I know she must move on. I will have to learn to move on also I guess.

I don't work these days because of physical issues and wanting to be available for her. Maybe part-time could be an option but I don't feel reliable physically enough to go there quite yet. I have lost jobs due to my physical issues. I don't have friends and we live about 30 miles to the closest town that offers any opportunities to do volunteer work (or work) and even further to take any classes. Kind of isolated up here. I'll have to put on my thinking cap to come up with things to do that are worth the effort just to get there.

Since my PCP handles my anti-depressant script I have never had any counseling. I've been thinking about it but haven't taken the plunge. I spend so much time traveling many miles doing doctoring for my physical ailments that throwing one more dr into the mix doesn't sound too much fun. But my mental health is as important as my physical health so maybe it is time or close to time to get involved in that. I will seriously consider it but wonder how to broach the idea with my husband. I will have to tell him because it will be on his insurance. It will be awkward because I think he will be very happy when she leaves which makes me feel even worse. That is kind of sad.

Anyway, thanks and please keep the suggestions coming. I sure could use them. Lisa
If I can laugh at it, I can live with it.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/12/2010 3:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lisa,

I work part time after not working for 7 years due to fibromyalgia. I just took a leave of absence and hope to go back the beginning of May. I am only going to work one day a week to begin with and then go from there.

I know how secluded you can get in Michigan. I am in northern lower. And it is a long ways from the city. But I love nature, so I like it here. And my job is in walking distance. It is at a local gas station/convenience store. Everything is pretty much seasonal so it is really busy in the summer. Though we do get snowmobilers in the winter. And deer hunters.

I do think counseling will be good for you. I think they can help to give you direction and the support that you need. They are professional and they are often objective. So that really helps. I have been lucky and only had two that I wasn't comfortable. The rest have been really cool. I have been to a lot of psychotherapy and counseling. It has gotten me through a lot of rough spots that otherwise I would have probably had a nervous breakdown.

I know that I am not coming up with any suggestions other than what I said before. I will try to think of some other things. Often these things are right in front of us and we just don't see them right away. Then things fall unexpectedly out of nowhere. So you do have options which is good. We just have to find them.

I hope that you are having a good day. I don't think your husband wants your daughter gone per say, but he probably is looking forward to having some alone time with you. Pick up where you left off before kids maybe. lol...

Have a good one.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


solar powered
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 538
   Posted 4/12/2010 4:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I had a bit of insight since I posted last. I wonder if maybe I'm a little bit jealous of her and that's adding to the possible negative emotions. She gets the chance at a new place, new opportunities, new people and a new life. Me, on the other hand, will be in the same old place with few to no new opportunities or people and a new life without her being around that I don't really want and a husband I don't get along with very well (that's a whole other subject). It sounds great for her but sucky for me and I'm afraid I will flounder. I need to find a new life for myself that I can feel excited about but I haven't a clue as to how to do that. I think I hear counseling calling.

Karen I like nature also. I shoot nature photos for fun and make them into cards that I sell at a local seasonal art gallery. With my daughter away to college I will have more time to cruise the back roads looking for that perfect shot but to tell you the truth I would still rather be doing the mama gig. Yes I hear you all telling me it's time to let her go and you all are so right but it will be difficult. Again I think I hear counseling calling and I get the distinct feeling I better answer.

Lisa
If I can laugh at it, I can live with it.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/12/2010 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I really don't think you are actually jealous, maybe you envy her situation a little bit, but I think you have it in you to occupy yourself with your hobbies and an imagination to find something to fill the void.

I got a camera a couple of years ago and I carry it into the woods to get photos. I am not really good at it, but the camera is good enough to do it for me. I think it is cool what you do with your photos. I like to paint so sometimes I do paintings from photos. I haven't painted in a long time though. I have all my photos as my screen saver, so I get to look at them often. Mostly family photos, but a lot of nature. I like how you can zoom in on the little delicate wildflowers. I am a mushroom hunter so I get pics of mushrooms too. Pretty cool.

I am glad that you are getting some insight to the situation, but you really dont' seem like the type of person that would be jealous. Though I don't know you very well, I can sense it. I think you wish that you had the oppertunity that she has, but I think you also have the potential to achieve your goals.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 4/13/2010 4:10 AM (GMT -7)   
one of my life's goals is to go around australia and photograph trucks, esp kenworths, and mac's. all of them, light, heavy, b-doubles, and my faves: the mighty road trains!!! thought i would share this, cheers, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


solar powered
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 538
   Posted 4/13/2010 7:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Karen, thanks for your kind words. I may have used the wrong word when I said I may be jealous of her. I guess my mind doesn't make or know the distinction between envy and jealousy. I am happy for her having this chance and of course want the very best for her. I guess I just want some of that too.

Jamie- a road trip taking photos is always great. I hope that you get the chance to go and do that someday very soon. I would really like to travel down the whole length of the Mississippi River shooting photos the whole way. It will probably never happen but I can dream.

Lisa
If I can laugh at it, I can live with it.


THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18748
   Posted 4/13/2010 8:03 AM (GMT -7)   
cheers, i hope for us all that we make it a reality and not just a dream!!!!!! keep well and safe. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 4/13/2010 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
You don't seem like the jealous type anyway. I know that you are happy for her, but I can see why a little part of you wished it was you. I have a friend that I email and she travels a lot. I never did travel or do much with younger years so I do envy that. But it was my choice I guess, so that is that.

I hope that you are having a wonderful day today.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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