I'm 26 and i come from an Asian country with a quite orthodox background- i live at a time when things are changing and there's a big difference between the generation of parents and children. i have a boyfriend who was with me for the past (almost) five years. we are thinking of getting married and ever since then we've been having problems. mainly because i hate to live near his parents after marriage- it's usually the way in out country to move to the husband's house. my parents are quite liberal and i live closer to the city, whereas he lives a little further away and his parents are quite traditional in their thinking- i really like and respect them, but i know that they're very different to my parents. right now, they like me but i know it's because they don't know me very well- i want to avoid the situation of my relationship with my in-laws getting sour - but they're looking forward to have us living with them after marriage (They never had a daughter and my boyfriend is the only child, so his parents are pretty excited about having me over) and i understand their good intentions. but i know they'll get annoyed with my behavior, the way i dress etc. with time...i really don't want that.
my boyfriend is in a situation where he doesn't want to break his parents heart by telling them we want to live separately - i hate to pressure him, and i don't know what to do. i know our marriage will be at risk if i move in with his parents, and they'll end up hating me. i really don't want that.
i have been thinking about this and arguing with my boyfriend over this and going around in circles for months - now i feel as if it has made me hate my boyfriend passively for not fixing this situation, and i find myself depressed and fighting with him unnecessarily. i really don't want to lose him and i fear for my own sanity - i know this is not the end of the world or anything, but we used to be so happy and it makes me so angry that it all has changed - i don't even know who i'm angry at sometimes - i dont want to get married with this mentality, and i dont want to lose the great relationship we have. please help.