I dont even know where to start.

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Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 4/20/2010 6:00 AM (GMT -7)   
I havent been on for awhile but it is over a year and I dont feel like things are any better. My wife is still sleeping in another room . After the last counciler was killed in the auto accident in sept my wife went to the new  therapist 5 or 6 times and hasnt gone back . She spends a lot of time with me but its doing things like going to the movies and shopping but when we are home she does nothing but read books , do puzzle  books or sit on the computer reading political message boards. I havent been able to kiss my wife for a year. I love her but I dont know how much more I can take . I have learned a lot about depression but she has to do something . I do see more we are going to do this or that rather then her saying I in all her conservations but I almost think I have to force something at this point . I dont know what to think . I know its her but she is starting to make me crazy. I cant carry anymore of the load then I already am. I am just venting now and I am sorry . Smewhere along the line I think she does have to let go of the past  and not blame me for every bad thing she has felt about her whole life. She is happy with know physical contact and our marriage just existing.I just dont know.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 4/20/2010 7:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Some women are just that way. There must be a reason that physical contact is not interesting to her. Something in the past maybe?

I am older and we don't have sex that often anymore, but we both have aches and pains so that gets in the way. But I still love my husband more than anything else.

Have you tried talking to her about how important this is to you? An open discussion? That might be a good idea. And convince her to go back to counseling. That is so important.

I hope that things get better for you soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 4/20/2010 11:26 AM (GMT -7)   

I know that some of it has to do with the depression and is rooted with her weight issues . I also beleive her when she says she is trying to deal with it but cant help the anxious feelings she gets when she feels anyone gets to close to her. [physically even a hug]. Even family and good friends make her feel this way . I also beleive she loves me even though since she got depressed a year ago she doesnt say it , just didnt know if being patient is the best route or if if she she had to do something or she would lose me was better. I really dont want her to feel pressured ,its just hard for me because I would be happy to just hold her at this point . I know from her friends that for years she felt I wasnt attracted to her but I have always thought she was beautiful its her self esteem that puts the doubts in her head. Our son is going to be 4 and she says she still wants us to have another one but has to get through the anxiety. Everytime I feel her getting slightly closer to me another tradgedy appears in our life . She is graduating top and I mean the top of her class to teach and 5 years ago when she decided to go back to school for teaching the career outlook was great now there are massive layoffs in this profession . Between the first therapist quiting the day before her first appointment, losing her grandmother who raised her , the second therapist being killed in a car crash , then absolutely not liking her last therapist, and now a friend being killed in the last month and now the annoucment that there will mass layoffs in what we just spent 30,000 for her to go to school for I dont know what more I can do . I love her and have been very supportive of her but I dont think she even sees it.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 4/20/2010 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Believe me she sees it. She probably just doesn't know how to express her gratitude to you. I often think that I don't tell my husband enough how I care. But those seem to be the hardest words to get out. We know it and try to show it, but saying it is hard.

Take things one day at a time. Try not to worry too much about the future. Hopefully things will go good. I know that life is full of tragedies. Things happen and the older we get the more things happen. But take them as they come. Have patience. Things are going to work out for you and your wife.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 4/20/2010 5:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank You Karen .

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18742
   Posted 4/21/2010 1:29 AM (GMT -7)   
i too think things will improve. sending healings to you both,
hang in there, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


Cowboy up
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 4/21/2010 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks you also Jamie , Sometimes I just want things to happen faster then they are supposed to.
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