I am so sorry that you lost your mom. It sounds like she was a really wonderful person & a huge part of your life. A good friend of mine lost her mom to cancer when she was 14 & I know she went through a lot of pain that nobody could really understand. Her dad was trying to figure out how to deal with the loss & how to take care of things around the house. Those of us who were her friends really wanted to help, but we didn't know what to say or do to help lessen some of the pain & sadness she was feeling. Eventually she did go to see a counselor & that helped; she also went to a special self-help group for teens who'd lost a parent or sibling & she said that helped as well.
I don't think you ever really get over it. Losing a parent so young is really hard. The best you can aim for is to hold tight to the good memories you have of your mom & try to live your life as fully as possible. But it's not easy to do that, so getting help from someone who really understands what you're going through can be helpful (whether that person is another grieving teen or a trained counselor).
There are a few suggestions for how to get through the day-to-day (in conjunction with counseling). Hopefully these will help: www.thehealingplaceinfo.org/grief_support_teens.html
. In the meantime, please do choose something other than alcohol or ADD pills to help with the pain of loss. Exercise can be a good option. Volunteering can be helpful (could be something you enjoy or something that will honor your mom, if it doesn't make you too sad). I know you don't really feel like being sociable. That's typical with depression. But usually that's what ultimately helps the most. Maybe you could start with something small -- going to the library or movies & just sitting next to people without actually having to talk to them. Joining a club at school or in your city can be a good second step -- it is structured so you don't have to spend the whole time talking, but you still are around people & are working towards a shared goal. Then when you're feeling stronger, you can spend a short time with a friend or classmate. If you can find a teen grief group, that can be a comfortable place because everyone is struggling & will understand that sometimes you will want to talk & other times you won't.
The most important thing, though, is to find some way to express your feelings. Whether that's with counseling, at church/temple/mosque, through art or dance or music, by journaling, or in some other way, getting the hurtful feelings out will help free up space in your life to feel healthier & a bit happier. And if nothing else works, you can go see your doctor & they may decide to write you a prescript
ion for anti-depressant medications. Things can get better. And in the meantime, you can always keep posting here.
PS - I think Karen has a good idea about
letting your dad know that you feel scared when he is out so late. Maybe he could agree to call you if he's going to be home later than planned or try to come home earlier.