HI BASGO, jamie here, male, 37.
first, depression sucks, it is an insideous beast. it does not discriminate, it breaks us down, to the point of forgetting our talents, qualities and gifts. the repair work is the hard stuff, it is fully acknoweledging that we are depressed, moreover seeking the help. this part can be real difficult, albeit once you get to this point and pass beyong things do get better and much easier.
isolating is one of the key indicators for depression. the past will always flare up in all manner of stuff, thus addressing it is paramount to getting better. it is not to do with blame, especially within ourselves, albeit there are things that may have been causing you distress that have been contributed by others.
this is important......you are a PRECIOUS being of this earth, with gifts and talents unique to only you. they have been hidden in a box, this box is called depression. in time the box will be opened up a little, and you will see some of the stuff that has been taken from you via this insideous beast called depression.
depression has some negative teachings, pretending happiness, maskings of pain, going along. isolating. acknowledging pain is very hard, but when you do it is very carthartic. so some tools, yes we can fight back, renew our learning. so i first suggest seeing your gp, this way you can be assessed and know what you are dealing with. sadly depression can be diagnosed in many different modes, ie bi-polar depression, major depressive disorder, etc. i am sure your dr. will be able to help you understand your condition, furthermore will put you on good path. counselling. counselling is extremely beneficial, you will learn why, what, how and when, along with learning how to regain the hold depression has on you.
i realise that you are worried about therapy, and if i am reading correctly you are worried about stuff that you seem as insignificant, but let me say this.....it sometimes is the insignificant unresolved stuff that causes us to break-down. self sabotaging is very common, depressed people do this as a form of punishment, to themselves, i am not saying this of you, but it is common.
you have been very brave in posting, you have also been open, this is a good thing, hey, keep being brave and seek some assistance. there are a myriad of treatments out there, depression totally sucks, sadly it us who feed it. i send healings your way. jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.