Paxil and marriage troubles.

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blueboy83
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Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/26/2010 6:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Long story shorter, I became complacent with my marriage and Paxil didn't help. It killed my libido and my wife paid for that. I'm trying now to pick up the pieces of what my life has become. 2 months ago my wife hit me with "I love you, but not in love with you". I thought she was cheating on me due to her working out with a new trainer. She showed all the classic signs: talking about new guy, style/attitude changing, snapping at me for little reason, acting cold, and no affection. I reduced my paxil, the libido came back, and she started coming around bit by bit. But now I'm so anxious and needy that I wonder if its the lowered dose. My insecurities are killing my marriage now, but I seem to have no "control" over them. I come to work and simmer in a pot of lonliness. I pace and worry so much that I feel exhausted when I get home (I work alone with lots of time on my hands). I did some detective work and am 90% she is being faithful. I need to shut up and drop this before I'm done, but I've been so impulsive that I bring this guy up all the time... and she may quit on me. What the heck do I do, and what do you all think? Please, I need help.
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getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
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   Posted 4/26/2010 7:05 AM (GMT -7)   
I would talk to the doc about getting you on a diferent AD? There are ones that don't have sexual side effects. I am glad that you feel that your wife is not cheating. Being depressed can bring up insecurities that would otherwise not be there. Keep posting, it is therapeudic.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


blueboy83
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/26/2010 7:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen, I get so worked up when I'm alone and it carries over to the house. I'm gonna hear about this guy my wife says, because he is "part of her day, and funny things happen to her and her friends when they work out with him". She tries not to bring him up, but when she does I can't put on a happy face. I need to get a grip and let this go. Any techniques I could use to do this? I will talk to my doc about med alternatives after 11 years on paxil.
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getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 4/26/2010 8:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Just to try not to let it get to you. Be happy that she has a friend. Trust her and try not to get jealous. Jealousy eats us up.

Know that she loves you. And if it really bothers you, talk to her about it and tell her why. It sounds like you two have a solid relationship. Keep faith in her.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


blueboy83
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/26/2010 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm calling to schedule an appointment with the dr. ASAP. I need something to calm me down. The 20 mg of paxil isn't cutting it right now. I need something to bring this tension and nervousness down. I've even tried exercising in my cubicle here (nearest person to me is hundreds of feet away, and not visible).
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getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 4/26/2010 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   
I am glad that you are making an appointment. That is good to hear. Do you go to any type of therapy? I wonder if this would help. I go to a psychiatrist and a psychologist and together they really help me a lot.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


blueboy83
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/27/2010 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   
I messed up bad with my wife. I woke up this morning and couldn't sleep. We then started talking and things got super heated. She blew up as I took her to work and said it was too late for me to try as she slammed the car door. I started thinking about making arrangements for separation and divorce. I was in a daze. Then 20 minutes later I get a text saying, "I don't want to fight ok...lets take it one day at a time and see what happens". I don't understand. This from someone I was sure to leave me very soon? so confused.
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getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 4/27/2010 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Take this as a good sign. She wants to take it one day at a time, and that is very good. I think she really cares, and is probably just as confused as you are. Keep thinking good thoughts.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


blueboy83
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/27/2010 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much, Karen. You were there for me last April when I first got on here, and I feel very grateful. I texted my wife "I love you" earlier. Her response was, "I'm trusting you and I'll try. I can't make any promises right now other than I'll try ok". If she wanted me gone or wanted someone else, surely she wouldn't do this, right? My mind is so fogged up right now I can't think straight. Anybody please help me reason with myself.
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getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 4/27/2010 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
She definately sounds like she does not want anybody else. You can rest assured that she wants to try to make things work. Please try to relax with that. No second guessing. Accept what she said for what it is worth. And that sounds like a lot. So I think that things sound good for you.

I am glad that you feel that I helped you. That is what I try to be here for. I know that life with depression is hard, because I deal with it every day. But knowing that I have helped somebody else means a lot to me.

Best wishes for a wonderful evening.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


blueboy83
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/28/2010 1:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, posting does help. Haven't gone to the doctor yet, but will as soon as time permits. I'm trying to resist the temptations to do my snooping for proof of something that may not be there. I've luckily always come up empty handed and totally wrong. Insecurity is as much a disease as my anxiety and depression. The snooping I feel makes me more paranoid... I just need to go by what I'm getting from her day by day. But sometimes I feel I shoud inspect until I feel we are strong again :(
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getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 4/28/2010 1:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Snooping can often lead to more suspicion than anything. I think sometimes it is better off that we don't know. Often we get things misunderstood. But I could be wrong. I went through that with my first husband. I discovered a lot, but it only left me with more questions. Everything comes out in the end. So if she is cheating, you will know.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


blueboy83
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/29/2010 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning, Karen, hope your day will be great and that others benefit from your wisdom! This will be a long one... As I think I mentioned before the really bad stuff started happening when my wife started working out with a new trainer at work. (Her friends are there as well, but you know me). My wife loves the fitness center and everyone gets involved in fitness tournaments. Guess who her partner was... him. (She brought up the tournament but not that he was her partner. I asked who it was and she told me. I guess its better that she told me herself?) But they were paired due to other circumstances so that put a little dent in my evening. The big one came when she said she was looking for another job, and that the fitness center was on her list :( Other than that the evening was ok. I have to think of the positive signs: she is always where she says she is, no calls/texts to him (i checked the call logs), when she's home she is only with us, her 3 emails to him were about the workout (he doesn't get back at her quickly anyways. guess that's a good thing, and he never emails or calls her of his own will), and her family that see her workout at times report no suspicious behavior. Its just really tough.
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getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 4/29/2010 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Trust Blueboy,

You have to trust her. Pop in there now and then if you feel like it. I am sure that nothing is going on. I am glad to see he isn't texting or calling her on his own. There is probably nothing to worry about.

Has she always been into fitness or is this new? It is a good thing for her if it is innocent. She will feel better about herself and that will make for your relationship to get better.

I hope all is well. Keep an open mind.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


blueboy83
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/29/2010 8:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,

My wife has been on & off with the fitness thing for 2 years. It is sticking this time because of her friends that work out with her, and she likes the results she's getting. I just can't shake the insecurity and what ifs. I just talked to my brother-in-law who works out there too, and he says there's nothing to worry about. He stopped by her workout out of the blue and didn't see anything inappropriate. He said that she cried to him this saturday saying that after all she's done for me ( she totally has) this is an insult. She used to reassure me when I'd have my insecurity bouts in the past, but just won't do it THIS time. She is tired and doesn't care to "pacify my insecurities" anymore. I guess its a test for me. I just need to succeed this time, but my anxiety and depression are making it that much harder. I'm so surprised she even gave me this opportunity to try again...because a few posts back she was done with me.
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blueboy83
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/29/2010 11:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Ok. I'm done with the snooping. I nearly cut my own throat earlier with this stuff. Its over. I'm done. I'm done with the lying to cover my snooping etc. Pray for me guys, please.
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getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 4/29/2010 12:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Am praying for you Blueboy,

Have faith, relax and go with the flow of life. I think that she is being honest, though I don't know her. But it sounds like you are trying really hard and I think this time it is going to pay off. If something was going on, you would know it. Trust is the big issue here. Try to learn trust and be secure in your relationship. You can do this, and we are all here behind you.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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