Thank you Karen and Jamie, I appreciate your taking the time and effort to respond back. I will let you ow how it goes, i try and stay positive the key wrd being trying (and not very succssfully :) the rage, we also have a business together (i had invested in it) and i see hm with his wife n new life and its .... lets just say not very pleasant.
i was pregnant and we decided to not have the baby snce it was a difficult time for us financially and professionally, and he let me believe that and gets engaged in the next three weeks, as you can imagine i feel very betrayed. and wheni confronted him he just
when i think abt this now i feel that wht i thought was a sacrifice that two people in love were making, was just one person betraying another, and teh thought that he might have a baby any day with someone else make me see red :( he knew how much i wanted a baby.
he wont anser any of my questions now ealier he wld tell me he didnt knwo what he was doing, he was confused and made a mistake, somedays in the last year when he was upset he woudl come to me and i always took him in and never questioned becasue i felt he was with me as he was really uspet ad needed me and so i woudl hold my tongue and the million and one whys. bu t they stayed n when i woudl try to ask him about them later .... it was like the moment had passed and he woudl answer oh re you gonna rake up taht again, i dont want to talk abt teh past, its doen and over with, go discuss this with your girlfreidn dont tell me, ......... etc etc
i am torn between doing this with dignity ( i have day dreams about this) and then thinking of him and his wife an baby, n the life that shoudl have been mine, and i just cant control the rage.... i am sure you get this a lot. (sorry)
liek i mentioend i didnt keep my finances seperate, put everything in is business, my networth is 0. i have no money, i am lving with me parents, no job, n m thoughts.... mostly really bad ones.
we come from a part of teh world where families (parents / inlaws) still play a pivotal role, crrently i am contemplatig jsut walking into his house plonking myself down there and teling him ... i loked after you all these years now its your turn :) and then just serenely watch and refuse to move out.
at the same time i am afraid he is not that strong and to save face in front of his family n inlaws rather than confront me and y sistuation if i do this he might seriously hurt himself. ...... i think he could really do that.
i still care , i dont hate myself, or am disappointed with myself that i do, it just hurts me that i do. i dont know how to stop, caring for him was somehing i have been doing 24/7 all these years. i just cant bear the thought of alll that sould have been mine being soemone elses.
i might ramble a bit.. he sort of expects me to just disappear, we had common busienss, freinds, n he expected me to srt of hide when ppl his inlaws knew wld coem around.. (ashamed to say) i did it for this last year... god oly knows why.. i would leap like the proverbial gazelle and make myself scarce well all that is telling on me now, i disrespected myself to suh a degree, i m quite disgusted wh myself and i am madder at him for mking me do that to myself.
i have just gone on and on.. what i want from you ..... just confirmation i spose to go ahead and do the bad i want to :( knowin it all still doesnt make it easy.
i dont know how to be strong and forgive. i dont know and it hurts tooo much to start learning.