To every one who reads this post....From Loner

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loner
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 41
   Posted 5/3/2010 9:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello again from Loner.
Ive been browsing the post on this forum and am quite surprised by the degrees of each and everyones indivisual problems.Some I understand and some I dont,but never the less my heart and prayers goes out to evry one of you.If I were a Genie Id blink and make it all go away,but we all know this is fantasy.But there is a reality stronger than any wll wish or fairy tale that any one of us could ever hope for.And that reality is our indivisual faith and hope.No one can take this from us it is one thing we all posses and what gives us the courage to fight all odds.
you see I was in prison for a long time I was 21 when I went in and now Im 46 you do the math.But any ways I soon learned and came to believe in one thing,and that is this. If you are still breathing and capable to write in this forum then there is hope for all.Ive seen about every type of person you can imagine in prison.Ive lived the better part of my life in a society so perversed and morally corrupt that Made Sodom and Gohmorra was a vacation resort compared to these.But even in there we had hope.We had hope for a better day a batter tommorrow, we had hope for each otjher and our selves.We had faith that some day we would make it out.Ive seen this hope and what bit can do,It brought me out of one of the worste crap holes in America.And I know tha this can never be taken away from us.
just seeing some of the scrypts in here shows me that all of you are survivers and that you have a strength that only comes from hope and faith.This in its self comes from God and is what sustanes us in His love and grace.
There is nothing out there to keep you from succeeding.All we need to do is realize the importance of this forum and just keep on working tigether twords are own goals,by doing this we givs people the opprotunity to axpress ther paine when under most circumstances some people would have no where to turn.WE need each other and we help each otjher through things that most people do not understand nor do they feel the same as we do..
Gods here to help and he is waiting for us to call out to him.And this He directs people to us who have overcome there suffering to help other people through thers. Believe this each and every one is a lot braver than we give our selves credit for.We weather the storms of life for a jaded glimps of the sun rise but nevertheless it is still a sun rise,and oh how beutiful it is.It is our sun rise and this no one can take away.Just hold on cause no matter how bad things seam.there is alwaysa new day and sun rise for every one

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18753
   Posted 5/3/2010 9:22 PM (GMT -7)   
THANK-YOU LONER. JAMIE. tongue
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40579
   Posted 5/4/2010 6:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Well said Loner,

And thank you so much. We do try to come together. People come and go on the forum, but there are a few of us who stick around and support others and post our problems. It is nice to have a place to come and feel safe enough to do so.

You were in prison a long time and I really give you credit for what you are doing with your nephews and for coming here and posting as you do. Thanks for the encouragement.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


sad and lonly
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/6/2010 3:17 AM (GMT -7)   

loner,  I wish I could beleive that there is a "higher" power out there, but everytime I think my faith is coming back, I get kicked back down.

You see I have chondrosarcoma, (a rare bone cancer)  this is my second time around with it, the first time they did surgery and it left me with a hugh scar and divit in my leg, that was in 2005, and I thought that I was on my way to having a some what normal life.  Then in 2008 my husband started email these women and telling them he loved them, and by the time I found out about it he was visiting one of them.  And again I thought that maybe we were over that hurdle and getting back to our life and marrage.

Well last Sept. I found out that the cancer had come back in the same spot. This time however it is growing faster and is much bigger.

I am going to have radiation treatments and in about 8 weeks surgery, the thing is that the doctors don't know  if I will ever walk again after surgery, or if they can save my leg. Ok I thought I can deal with it, I did before, well now I find out that my husband is up to his old tricks again.

Now I have been married for almost 25 years and now I am facing a life on my own in a wheelchair. so where is that higher power.

Kicking me back down again, and this time I don't know if I can pull myself back up.  I feel that everyone will be better off with out me.  my husband can have his life, my children well they have their lives and as far as my grandchildren go maybe it would be better if they remember me as the person I am, and not someone in a wheel chair.

I am tired of crying all the time, I am tired of everything.

I use to be a positive person, people would say to me I wish I had your stregth, and I don't know if I could deal with all that. well right now I am not that strong person.

 


 
  Live life to the fullest
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40579
   Posted 5/6/2010 5:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sad and Lonely,

First of all, welcome to the forum. You truly have come to a good place. We are very supportive here.

I am so sorry for what you are going through and I pray that you don't lose your leg. Cancer is a nasty beast. I lost my first husband to lung cancer. It was a terrible ordeal. My heart goes out to you.

I am sorry that your husband is the way that he is. I wish I could change that for you. Nobody deserves to live with this type of treatment. I feel if somebody wants to be with other women, he shouldn't keep one woman hanging on. This is just not right. Do you think he will ever stop this behavior??? I sure hope so. You sound like such a sweet person, you don't deserve this treatment.

I know that I can't change what is going on in your life, but know that we are all here for you. I hope that is some type of consolation for you. We do care.

Please keep posting, I am sorry that you are losing faith. But they say that God does not give us more than we can handle. But I can understand how you feel. I hope that things get better for you. Know that I do care.

Sincerely, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


loner
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 41
   Posted 5/6/2010 5:45 AM (GMT -7)   
TO Sad and Lonely,
I cant tell you I know how you feel and I wish I could say or do something to to encourage you in your struggles.but I do know that there is a God Or higher power as some people refere to him as.I dont know know why things happen the way they do or do I even try to reason this out .But one thing I can tell you is that if you need a friend to help you along I would consider ir a privalage to be tha person.No one should have to be alone going through what you are.
So if you would like I will always answer any post you write to me.
Loner.

sad and lonly
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/6/2010 6:21 AM (GMT -7)   

I know that I am tired of crying I have been doing it for 2 days now, I guess the closer I get to haveing radiation treatments the worse it gets, I guess its because I know what is going to happen after treatment is over. That is if I even make it through the weekend.  I have my 2 year old grandson today and he the sunshine of my life, but even having him here today isn't lifting my spirts  I am scared!  I have a lot of family (2 sisters 2 brothers, my mom, 3 children, and 4 grandchildren + one on the way, I have 2 of my children getting married next year) so my surport system is big. But it doesn't help when all I want is a hugh hug, their hugs are great but not what I need. And even though I want my husband to hug me and that is what I need the trust is gone and there is no more comfort there.  I went to my consiler yesturday so she know my state of mind.  I just don't know what to do any more.  I don't want to live with a family member and I am scared of living on my own, but if you lose trust in your marrage, then there is no marrage.   Oh sure he tells me he loves me, but how can you tell your wife you love her and leave for work and 2 min. after you leave you are on the phone telling an other woman you love her, or how about this one,  how can he kiss me goodbye and tell me he loves me when I am going to the store, and while I am gone, he is talking to an other woman and telling her he loves her, and he makes up such stories.

I am afraid of going into surgery because I keep thinking what is to stop him from bringing an other woman into my house and maybe my bed.  And thats an other thing he says he not interested in sex, (not just with me) he says the disire is gone. But how do I know it's the truth.  I don't believe in him any more,  The sad thing is I still love him.

 


 
chondrosarcoma
anixity
depression
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40579
   Posted 5/6/2010 7:01 AM (GMT -7)   
I can see that worrying about your husband is really effecting you. Are you seeing anybody for counseling? Dumb question, I just remembered that you are. Sorry.

I wish that there was a way that you could focus on you instead of what he is doing. This has to be so difficult for you. You need your strength now to get through this and heal.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I wish there was a magic spell that I could do and make it all better, but I can't. Just know that we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


sad and lonly
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/6/2010 7:05 AM (GMT -7)   
I just want to crawl into my bed and cry and hide from the world. I am so tired right now. 

 
chondrosarcoma
anixity
depression
 


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 5/6/2010 8:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Sad and lonely,
I think that is a pretty normal reaction. Because being ill makes us question what is really important in life. What do we want to do with this time and energy we have left? You have walking and talking reasons to live. You have kids and grandkids! Do you seriously think they are better off without you? I lost my Mother in January 09 after a long battle with ovarian cancer, and you know what I still pick up the phone to talk to her. I miss her everyday.
Yes, you have a jerk for a husband. This has fundimentally changed your relationship, un/fortunately he is still the father of your children and you do coparent and cograndparent for the rest of your life. Some people just do not have a big enough heart to get what it is to take care of someone who is ill. So they take solace in others, but it is their personality flaw not yours. Someday he too will be sick, and will hopefully understand what he has done.
I know you are terribly, terribly hurt. But I hope you understand that he lack of compassion toward you is his emotional "mental handicap," he never matured beyond his adolescent stage. Which is kinda sad, but I also get why you would want to blow him out of the water for hurting you like this.
Take Care,
Navy


Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 5/6/2010 9:27:48 AM (GMT-6)


loner
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 41
   Posted 5/10/2010 5:57 AM (GMT -7)   
 
 Sad and Lonely,
 Iam most sorry that Ive not answered you sooner but I have been some what buisy,but like I said I will answer all your letters and I will naver tell you something that is not true.
   I really am sorry that every thing seems to be piling up on you aspecially now with the chemo and your husband,its so sad that a man cant show the respect twords his wife and support you when you need it the most. It is a sorry situation,but you can make it better by getting better if not for yourself than think of the grandchildren.This alone can give you the strength hope and courage to make it through.
  I know you have some real problems going on in your life and these can become averwhelming,to tell you to hang in there would be inadiquit,but to tell you that there are a lot of people out here who cares for you and only hopes the best for you,and not only this but who are praying for you as well would be an understatement to the fact that you are verry important in the lives of many.Not only to the lives of the people in your life but also to the ones that answer your post,Karen and Navy are excellent what short time Ive had to know them Ive learned that they really care about the people on this forum. I myself have come to value Navy's oppinoin verry much. And karen is such a sweet heart she sends hugs all the time tongue .
 these two do care about people in a guenuine way.
AS for what youn are going through with your husband screw him he is a jerk in the worste sense of the word.
 I know how hard it is to let go and I know how it hurts not to be able to trust someone you once loved.You need him but he is not there the wat you need him to be.You need him to hold you and support you through this but all of this is gone from the lack of trust. I'am so sorry for this too,but you know what the hugs and the support from your family,and the love that you have for them will get you through. the main things is,is not to give up.
 Be grateful and thankful for the love of your grandchildren and your children.put your support sustem to work.Let your husband see all the people out there that loves you.and suppots you.
   You are someone verry special and worthe the love of someone else family and friends and this you have at home and through this forum
   I've got to go to work now so i'll wriet moer later have a blessed day and do hang in there cause we all care agreat deal about you.......Loner

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40579
   Posted 5/10/2010 6:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Loner,

Thank you for the compliment, that was very sweet.

I hope that you have a good day at work. And I hope that you get to take those nephews out fishing again. I am sure that they love that. Fond memories.

Keep up the good work. You are a special individual.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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