youdontneedtoreadthis. but just help please?

Who should i talk to, if anyone?
2
Talk to a counselor or professional. - 100.0%
0
just find a friend to talk to - 0.0%
0
talk to a parent or trusted adult. - 0.0%
0
dont talk to anyone. - 0.0%

 
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silencedseductionx
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/9/2010 7:37 PM (GMT -7)   
hey,, first off. im new to this. the reason i got this is because ive been feeling really depressed lately, and i have absolutely no one to talk to. my family doesnt even realize it, let alone care. same with friends. so i just need to say something and get it out of my head, you know?
 
anyway..
i dont feel depressed because of a specific person or something. its just me. no matter what people say to me, i dont think im pretty. im not. i dont get why people just say it to say it. 2. i absolutely hate my body. and when i try to talk to someone about this, reply= "***, your so skinny." no. not in my eyes. im just going to say it, im bisexual, and nobody really knows. i cant talk to anyone about it. i feel like nobody really even knows what im like. and if they did theyd be disgusted or wouldnt care to talk to me. i dont get along with people and im not comfortable. 
dont say im looking for attention, please. im honestly not. im just looking for a true, genuine friend, even if i wouldnt know their name or anything. i dont care. i dont have anyone to talk to, and i think thats whats making me feel like this. ive never told anyone about how i feel.
sometimes i feel like i just want someone to pull the bracelets off my arm and see the scars, for someone to notice and just help me, you know what i mean? its not that i want to tell someone, or that im going to purposely make it noticable. because thatd take everything in my life as i know it away. but maybe i need that. i dont know.
do you ever feel like youd be completely better off dead? when youre sitting there feeling the physical pain of being so darn miserable and you just say to yourself, why am i still here? i could just end this all right now and get everything over with and never have to worry again. im afraid of whats in the future. i dont want to go in the future. i want so badly to go back to when i could still crawl into my moms lap and have her hold me and not care what people thought. when i could care less about what i wore or how i looked. when i didnt even know what sadness or misery or suffering was. before i even knew about anything. but you cant go back. and it kills me to know that. because i hate it. and im afraid of the future, i hate me and my life now, and i cant go back. ther reason i havent done it yet is because im too afraid to. im not a strong believer in anything, but i do believe in God (im not getting into religion though) and hell. im afraid of what hell would be like. im afraid of what happens to me after i die, or what if something amazing happens after im gone?
 wow. ive been writing down my thoughts more than i ever have in my life before. ive never talked to anyone--EVER-- about my feelings or anything, so this is pretty wierd saying it to strangers. but not as embarassing because nobody knows who i am.
anyway, if you cared to read this, im genuinly suprised. if you didnt, i dont blame you honestly. but thanks.
and if you did read this, please reply something. i dont care what. just anything. but PLEASE, and not saying anyone will, but please dont say something about feeling sorry for me. i do not want in any way to be pitied.
 
I had to delete for content.  We are not allowed to discuss self harm or suicide.  Please understand...

Post Edited (silencedseductionx) : 5/11/2010 6:19:05 PM (GMT-6)


BetrayedWife100
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 5/9/2010 8:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear "Silenced",

Thank you for your honesty. I'm glad you found healingwell.com. I am a new member here too - I am struggling with depression - but I won't go into that right now :) this post is about you...

It is really tough to find the right person to talk to sometimes when you feel this way. It is so good for you to be able to express what you're truly feeling though, and I applaud you for at least writing it out. In a way, that is theraputic.
I definitely don't have the answers for you, but I would be happy to continue a conversation here and try to offer you some hope. Or a friend to vent out your feelings to.

Please know that there are MANY in this world who care about you and want you here. You have a special purpose in this life. Perhaps you haven't discovered yet what that is.. but hang in there, you will. I have a question, if you don't mind answering - what is your age? Just helps me put things into perspective if/when we continue conversing. I am 29. female. Married. two kids. I have been through a lot in my life. especially in the last two years.

I hear you exactly on wanting to be a kid again and feel that security, innocence, hope... I believe we can have that again as adults, but the harsh realities of life and circumstances around us definitely cloud that out too often.

I don't want to hide from you the fact that I am a Christian. i will not force anything on you, but just letting you know my perspective.

I see that you are online right now so I'm going to quit and make sure you see this response.

Know that you ARE worthy. Keep working through these feelings. I've found healingwell to be a very kind place.

:)

willowsgrandma
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 5/9/2010 8:06 PM (GMT -7)   
blush Hi Silenced-so sorry you are feeling so alone. I am 62 yrs. old. I have been dealing with depression over 30 yrs. I'm not going to pity you. As far as what others say ie you're so skinny, so young, so whatever. I will give you a little suggestion I have found to really a great pick-up. I always feel better by giving to someone. Seems (to me anyway) focusing on others has always gotten my mind off me! Just like the old "Golden Rule." I don't know your age and it really doesn't matter because even at my age I'll have a bad day sometime. This time last year I was in a nursing home after I was discharged from the hospital (spinal cord injury -had paralysis). I can almost guarantee if you couldn't move on your own regular days would be welcomed! I read your whole post. I do care! turn Donna

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 5/9/2010 8:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

And welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I think with all these thoughts, feelings and your actions, that you would do good by talking to a counselor. You have a lot on your plate right now and I think you could use some support.

Self image is a tough one. But what we have to realize is that others don't see us as we see ourselves. And what one person is attracted to, another isn't necessarily. So beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. You probably have a bad self image of yourself and need to not focus on yourself image so much. You probably see it out of prospective. So take a step back. Let other compliment you, accept it gracefully. And go on to being you. You sound like a very nice person. And I am sure that you are. It is what is inside that is important anyway.

Please talk to somebody, or find a self help book for self esteem. You are on your way there. So finish the course.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


silencedseductionx
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/9/2010 8:28 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you guys for responding, i appreciate the help

and to betrayedwife100--
thank you for the help, and for being there. id be more than happy to try to help and talk to you about anything too. and this will deffinately change your point of view about me, but im thirteen, female. i grew up too fast, which is why i talked about wishing i could go back. i hope you dont think of me now as some little immature munchkin just feeling sorry for herself or something. and i know i hardly lived my life yet, but ive experienced more than i wanted to already. but again, thank you, and i hope we can still continue our conversation.

BetrayedWife100
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 5/9/2010 10:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Silenced,
no way - - you are NOT an "immature munchkin" whatsoever! I did not ask your age so that there would be any feelings of authority or inadequacy or anything. I just like to know more about who I am speaking with. And knowing that you're female is a perspective I can relate to as well. :)

It is quite possible that you have already dealt with more "junk" in your life than me. Everyone responds to things so differently - and if there is one great thing I have learned through years of expensive counseling :) it is that we must not diminish the real feelings of our own pain. Pain is pain, no matter what it is, what caused it, or who is involved. We must not compare our pain with others, or judge someone else for feeling pain over something that perhaps we might not be so affected by. Basically - we are to have compassion for one another!

And I definitely have compassion for your situation. I am becoming increasingly aware of pain that people deal with... everyone has something in their life to battle. I wish I knew why we were given sorrows like these in this life. I know that as we learn to overcome them, we do become stronger, in character (and for me, in faith). It can be a tough journey, but I truly hope that you can find blessings in each day and rise above the situations life has thrown at you.

I am sorry to hear that you've had to grow up so fast. It breaks my heart to hear what some people deal with in childhood / teen years. You don't have to apologize or be afraid that anyone thinks you are feeling sorry for yourself. First of all,I feel that sometimes we should allow ourselves pity parties! I had one of my own tonight! It is important to find a healthy way to cope with pain, and for me- that is to cry. I feel so much better after I have had a "good cry" - it helps me relieve stress and depression and negative thoughts. I used to do kickboxing. That helped too! :) I allow myself to feel sorry about my situation, because it seems no one else does - - and I need to get it out of my system. I belive that as you are learning to write out your thoughts - and you took a big step in writing to strangers - that hopefully you will feel a healthy sense of relief. Writing/journaling is a very healthy way to cope with feelings.

Perhaps i'm not making sense tonight, or being too vague.. it's 12:52 a.m., I am up WAY too late! My brain is mush! how would you like to continue conversations? Through healing well is OK with me, or if you would like to email personally, I can send you that as well. By the way, I am not a licensed counselor, just a regular ol' person. :)

Take care ~

silencedseductionx
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/10/2010 3:24 AM (GMT -7)   
thank you very much, i appreciate it a lot.
and i think what youve said is a lot of help too. just talking to someone and having them listen and respond helps a lot more than i thought it could.
anyway, im getting ready to leave, so i cant type much more right now.
but i would also prefer email rather than this. if youd like mine or are just sending yours is fine either way. thank you again for everything :]

sincerely,
kirstxx

BetrayedWife100
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 5/10/2010 5:02 AM (GMT -7)   
I will do my best to answer you right away, but sometimes there might be days in between. Don't feel that I've forgotten or that I don't care - - it probably just means I didn't have internet access or time to appropriately respond! Hang in there, Kirstxx :)

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 5/10/2010 7:54:38 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 5/10/2010 6:31 AM (GMT -7)   
I am glad that you two are giong to email. But when you have gotten eachother's address, let me know and I will delete the posted address. Or you can. It just isn't safe to have it on the open net. Anybody could read it. Not just members. If you put it in your profile, only members can read it and that is much safer. But i will leave it for now, until you let me know that eachother have it.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


silencedseductionx
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/10/2010 6:22 PM (GMT -7)   
forum moderator-- im not exactly sure how to delete that, so ill leave that to you. thanks (:

and laura, thank you :) i probably will end up doing the same. im actually about to study for a test aha. so i saved your email, and i will email you later tonight probably. thanks again

and even though im young, and not trying to be nosy, but i would like to at least try to help you or talk about your problems too. if youd like, of course. so i'll email you, just letting you know what my email is and everything. (:

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 5/10/2010 6:56 PM (GMT -7)   
If you ever want to edit or delete something in your post, just click on the little pencil in the right hand corner.

I am glad that you two are emailing eachother.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


silencedseductionx
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/10/2010 8:22 PM (GMT -7)   
oh alright, thank you .
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