Needin support... or someone to listen... it's long, and I'm sorry for that...

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MizMoon
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 5/12/2010 3:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I usually post on the anxiety board, because that is my most prevalent problem, but please please please someone read this and tell me I'm not a lunatic.
 
I have been battling a severe case of the lonelys lately. Like I talked about before, I can be in a room of people, all paying attention to me, and still feel totally alone. Even on this message board, I feel like I am writing to no one. It's not true, I know, and I have a very supportive husband and a daughter that adores me, but I feel like I don't exist. Sometimes when my roommate, my husband, and I are in the car conversing, I'll say something or ask a question, and my roommate will interrupt me and all attention goes to what she's saying. I know my husband doesn't ignore me on purpose, but it still stabs at my heart.
 
I had to leave nail tech school cuz my roommate - who is my only source of transportation - did not get me there on time, or sometimes not at all, and you have to be there for a certain amount of hours in order to be certified. Having to quit school two weeks before graduation has also been pulling at me, as well as my dad saying he knew that would happen since I do nothing but disappoint him. But I can disregard that. I feel like I don't exist to my family. If I try to talk to them about it, my mom for instance, she will bring up school and how I didn't finish after she paid all of my tuition and for all of my supplies. That is all my parents seem to be concerned with - me constantly disappointing them. I feel like they are better off without me in their lives - and I feel like they feel the same.
 
I have a younger sister who did finish cosmetology school and moved down to Key Largo, where apparently she is doing well for herself. I should be happy for her, but I find myself resenting her for all of her success. I'm the older child, I should be established, I have an 11 month old daughter to support on top of everything. She is the world to me. She is the reason I even went to school. I want to make her proud when she's older, not embarrassed because her mommy couldn't finish school, regardless of the situation. My sister doesn't call me, contact me online, or send messages of even hello through my mother (whom she is closest to).
 
I know this is a long post, and I understand if no one reads it because of that, but I need to feel some sort of affirmation that I am important to SOMEONE, other than my daughter who depends on me to meet all of her needs. I know my husband loves me, and he gets offended if I tell him I feel like my feelings don't matter to him. I know they do. I just don't think he's used to being with someone who needs so much attention and reassurance.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 5/12/2010 5:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

Welcome to the depression forum. Are you going to any counseling? I think it would be important and helpful to you. You need first of all to love yourself before you worry about other people and secondly you probably aren't living in the now when you are with other people if you are still feeling lonely. You can't depend on other people's approval for your accomplishments. As long as you know that you tried, that is what is important. And depending on your girlfriend didn't work out for you. How about taking a bus or a cab. Even public transportation of some type.

I am reading you as insecure. That is another reason that you need counseling. So that you know that you are a good person and worthy of love and affection.

As far as your sister goes. Try to get over the envy. And never compare yourself to others, there will always be greater and lesser people than yourself. So you will always find disappointment.

When people are talking to you, really listen to what they have to say. That will ground you and you wont feel like you are not there. Everybody wants to be heard. Not just you, but everybody. So I think a lot of people go through what you are going through. But like I say, not only be heard, but listen too.

I don't have all of your answers, but there are others that I think will understand and have some similarities with you and even offer advice.

I hope that you start feeling better soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Sadsadsadgirl
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/13/2010 5:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I'm new to this website and I just need to talk to someone, I always feel like I want to kill myself and I have tried cutting myself to take anger out on myself for being so fat and ugly. I mean that's what everyone referrs me to. I know this cos I hacked into sum1s facebook account and asked them what they thought of me and most of them called me that fatty in yr 8 or that ugly chick in yr 8. This hurts me sooo much. I am kind of to embarresed to tell mum that I think I need a counselor and all of that stuff. That's only part of my story… by the way, I'm 13… I have considered going anorexic but if I died or sumthing like that, I know mum couldn't cope with it....... I really don't know what to do! :'(

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 5/13/2010 5:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sad,

I have to first tell you that we are not allowed to discuss suicide or self harm on the forum. But I want to stress to you that you really need to seek counseling. Have you thought about a school counselor? They can be very helpful.

You are dealing with a sensitive subject, weight. I know at your age it is hard for you. You need to eat properly and exercise. It takes time, but it works. Get physical, do a lot of walking when you can. There are little tricks to that. Like parking far away from a store. Or walking up to the post office instead of driving. Little things add up.

Know that you are a beautiful person inside and out. You can beat this. See your doctor. Get on some medication to help you lose weight and help with your depression. You have to start somewhere and you have to be the one to do it.

Know that we are all behind you here.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Sadsadsadgirl
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/15/2010 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the reply, I don't really want to see a school counselor for reasons that are kind of complicated to explain…

Sadsadsadgirl
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/15/2010 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Do you think using kids help line would help me

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 5/15/2010 7:07 AM (GMT -7)   
I think it would. Do you have resources for that? I sure hope so. Basically what I can say is to learn to take life one day at a time and try to live in the now. Be aware of what is going on around you. Birds, nature and try to live in the moment.

Best wishes to you my friend.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Sadsadsadgirl
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/15/2010 11:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, I'm starting to feel a bit better now

THE HAPPY TURTLE
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 18757
   Posted 5/16/2010 1:35 AM (GMT -7)   
one day at a time. hoping the help-line helps you. i have used similar services in the past, and yes i was saved by these amazing people on many of occassion!! you are a precious human of this earth, you alike us all deserve peace and happiness. here for you, with compassion, jamie.
YESTERDAY IS A BUTTERLY WITHOUT WINGS. (ME)
 
DX, MDD, SEVERE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
 
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

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